Leg Chills/tremors

[Ryn]

It's difficult to describe, but it's my most prominent physical symptom by far. I'm curious if others have experienced anything like this, and if so, if it is something more unique to sexual traumas or is all across the spectrum?

The sensation originates in my upper thighs, and usually just causes me to clench my pelvis and thighs, but can zoom quickly all the way up to my neck and down to the tips of my toes at times. It's like a deep, deep chill in my muscles; a sharp, infinitesimal shudder of terrified energy; a sort of dizzy swooping sensation down to the very bone. The sensation is very, very intense - not painful, but gives me a feeling of absolute horror and fear. It can last from a second to several seconds, and is often repeated chills/clenches over a period of time. While the sensation itself is not physically visible, I often feel vaguely sick and tremble or jerk visibly a bit as it happens. It feels a bit like the nervous fluttering in your stomach, times a hundred and in my legs instead.

This symptom emerged very quickly after my memories started to come back and I was diagnosed with PTSD, and I did not notice it beforehand, so I am concluding it has something to do with the trauma.

Has anyone had anything similar?

 

[franciemarnie]

Sounds like release of trauma energy with the emotions, chill and trembling.

I get it in the chest.

The shaking usually releases it. I walk back and forth at the same time because it feels like it expedites it.

Energy on the move! Out, out damn energy!

 

[Ryn]

Energy on the move! Out, out damn energy!

Amen to that! :P

Can you explain to me a little about what you mean by "trauma energy"? I've seen the term around but I'm not entirely sure I know what it means.

 

[Hope4Now]

@Ryn I get stuff like this often. As of yet mine has no memory attached to it and very little emotion, but I know now that it will come eventually.

Trauma lives in the body as well as the mind and heart. It has physical energy. In order to process trauma we need to do it both physically and emotionally--the physical can come out as illness, pain, shaking, itching, involuntary movements, nausea, etc. sometimes a soupy combination of all of them.

One of the best resources for understanding physical reaction to trauma is Peter Levine's book. I think it is called Waking the Tiger.

 

[franciemarnie]

Ditto @Hope4Now.

In the original trauma, when fight or flight isn't available, you still have the stress hormones that were prepping you for either. So if you freeze or collapse, what happens to the energy that should have been released. Then let's say you are living trapped in a trauma environment - maybe as a child and the danger never passes, just more incidents of trauma - you've got swarming emotional energy, stress hormones going wild looking for an exit for months, years. But your survival brain knows it's not safe yet, so there is no release. Not for many years perhaps.

For me - it was heavy duty like that for four years. When I was 13, I remember thinking it strange I couldn't literally imagine a future anymore. The damage had been done.

All that energy of mine was buried. Now it comes out in somatic release because I guess my brain finally knows I am safe.

I also get emotional pain in my feet - far far from my heart. My body buried it there. But I don't get chills there. Not yet anyway. Just my chest cavity.

Blankets don't help. I am literally un-freezing. Coming out of the Freeze.

My face actually felt like it thawed after a healing once. Bizarre.

Our bodies sometimes speak to us In A Different Voice - also a Peter Levine book.

 

[franciemarnie]

The position where you feel the energy and cold - that could literally be related to your original trauma too.

Invisible Heroes is another great book that refers to these things - by Naparstek.

 

[Ryn]

Our bodies are crazy things... huh. Very interesting and informative, thanks. :) I'll definitely check out those books.

 

[Echo]

@Ryn - I experience all of this, exactly as you describe it. When it started, it came up my legs and towards my lungs and heart in great waves of juddering energy, got stuck there and then suddenly I would not be able to stand and would find myself sobbing. This went on for about six months. It still happens occasionally. Now it is more about muscle tension, particularly in my arms and shoulders, and just as you describe around the pelvic and upper legs area, combined with a need to curl up in a foetal position. I've had vaginal pain, too, sharp shocks is what it feels like. The thing I find most annoying is my legs wanting to draw up into my body which causes sacral pain.

I do think it is somatically held energy, and it seems to get released into my body when I get triggered in a number of ways. Peter Levine does describe it well and explains how it can be dealt with. Do you have a good trauma therapist who works somatically? I think this is such a good way forward for rape survivors. :)

 

[Hope4Now]

My face actually felt like it thawed after a healing once. Bizarre.

Wow...that must be what happened to me! I was getting polarity therapy one day and had this really weird energy in my mouth...almost the same as what you feel after a limb has "fallen asleep" and is waking up...ever since that day, I've had involuntary facial movements as part of all this releasing trauma energy. You just helped me connect the dots on that one, thank you!

 

[Ryn]

@Echo, I'm not sure if my therapist is a trauma therapist, specifically (I know it would probably be a good idea to ask). Her number one focus for me right now is getting me "back in touch" with my body, so to speak. I guess in that way she works somatically. But aside from talking a lot about how my body feels and focusing on practical stuff like nutrition and exercise, there's not a whole lot else. Can I ask what your therapist does for you in working somatically? I'm afraid I'm still quite new to all this and a bit ignorant, haha.

 

[krimson]

I can identify with involuntary movements. When I am about to fall asleep my leg will often jolt up out of nowhere. Most recently when I was in the grocery store along with nausea, and my hands tingling my teeth felt like they were vibrating. All of this happened just one day after I told my mom what had happened when I was young. I had no idea the involuntary movements and sensations I've been wondering about most of my life could be related.