At The End Of The Day

[Survivor2Thriver]

Thank you everyone for your replies. We all can see throughout history many intelligent individuals who have contributed to society in one capacity or another and were complete scoundrels in their personal lives. To me they are the most foolish of all. Look at Ted Bundy...it's been claimed he has a high IQ.. but at what? Manipulation. Evil manipulation. Is that really intelligence? I believe it boils down to a persons emotional intelligence and entitlement issues.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

Who gives a damn about the intelligence level of their abuser?

Apparently you do. LOL You're never going to heal..aye? Tell you what Solara...you just sit there kicking the bucket about spreading your theory you'll never be free from PTSD.

Me..on the other hand. I'm going to take the time to understand my abusers and acknowledge idiots don't have the power to ruin my day...muchless the rest of my life. :)

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

He's an extremely intelligent man with a talent for charming those around him. Anyone who doesn't become a victim of his selfish actions never knows that he isn't a perfectly nice, normal man.

But I also understand that he and I naturally have very different ideas of right and wrong, drastically different abilities to perceive the emotions and experiences of others, and polar opposite moral senses in general.

I believe he knows the difference. He knows how to hide his behavior. Unfortunately as a general rule those closest to him suffer. I pondered the same thing. They know the difference. I watched my mother behave perfectly in public and a lunatic in private.

 

[Lucycat]

Look at Ted Bundy...it's been claimed he has a high IQ..

I just Googled Ted Bundy. I have never heard of him before - perhaps he is famous in the US? I see he was a killer from a long time ago.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I think my abusers were very clever, in every sense and meaning. I think they used that intelligence to their advantage and in doing so tainted it but I don't think you could ever say they were idiots. From a criminological point of view, they committed a perfect crime, one which they derived pleasure, power and material gain yet will never be prosecutable because of a lack of evidence. If you'd seen their behaviours with each other, they had no regard for human life - including their own, no fear of the potential loss of it or the pain caused along the way - somehow it was all great comedy for them - they were certainly lacking something, I just doubt intelligence is it.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

clever,

Excellent word!

- somehow it was all great comedy for them -

Same with my abusers. They enjoyed abusing me. They went to great lengths to cover their tracks too. They do that for a reason. They don't want to get caught. Hence they care. And they also know the difference between right and wrong.

 

[Survivor2Thriver]

just Googled Ted Bundy

He's another example of an individual who preyed on the goodness of others. He understood emotional intelligence and used it against society. Some call that intelligence. I don't. Look where he ended up.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Apparently you do. LOL You're never going to heal..aye? Tell you what Solara...you just sit there kicking the bucket about spreading your theory you'll never be free from PTSD.

Me..on the other hand. I'm going to take the time to understand my abusers and acknowledge idiots don't have the power to ruin my day...muchless the rest of my life. :)

Uhm, my abusers have no power over me. Your abusers have power over you because you write about them in EVERY SINGLE POST here on the forum.

You misunderstand me. You hate me because I have a realistic approach to life? So sad.

I ask you again, you apparently are healed, SO WHY ARE YOU HERE? By your own definition you don't have PTSD because you've declared that you are better than your abusers!

You're in such denial over your entire disorder. Being superior to your abusers is how you heal. Incorrectly applying the theories of Darwin is how you feel evolved beyond your abusers. Have fun living in lala land. Meanwhile WHO is further along in healing? Yeah, I thought so.... LMAO.

 

[Notsowild]

Okay this thread is really bugging me. Why would we care about the intelligence of our abuser and how knowing that will help us heal? Am I missing something?

It cannot erase the past so what is the point?

I agree

The coping skills I learned/used from this knowledge still serves my recovery today. :)

Can you explain this?

 

[Notsowild]

Oh and could you please not mention the names of any more serial killers and their intelligence. Those names should not be on this forum.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I can't remember enough of the relationship I had with the man who abused me as a child to comment.

I was raped at 15 and he, and the people who watched were stupid. They went about it with the attitude of boys looking at porn and giggling at a girls private parts. So definitely idiots.

The abusive relationships and the man who tried to kill me for not wanting a relationship with him, were people with quite severe mental issues.

To those who find it strange to want to understand why the abuser abused, I find that understanding that those people were very disturbed a) helps separate me from their choices (ie, I didn't make them do it) b) helps me to seperate other people from them (a little bit - not enough) and c) helps me to live without the powerlessness, blame and resentment that the concept of 'bad' people wanting to hurt me out of hate, brings. wanting to understand abusers isn't healing for everyone, but we all have our own ways.

 

[Hashi]

could you please not mention the names of any more serial killers and their intelligence

People have different ways of exploring and processing things, and anything can be mentioned within forum rules. I don't think this breaks any forum rules.

As a survivor of attempted murder, I found that for a while I needed to read about murderers, their personalities and their motivations. It was grim, sinister and scary, and for some reason it was worse for me than reading about the personalities and motivations of perpetrators of other forms of violation and cruelty (those were bad enough). I worried that I was becoming too macabre, but thankfully it was a necessary processing that I moved on from after a time.

That's how I see all thinking about abusers/attackers. Necessary for a while, for awareness, for meaning, for processing, then something that needs to be moved on from. At the end of the day, I think it becomes about who I am and who I want to be, and nothing about them any more.

I can't say relative intelligence was an issue for me though. I don't see intelligence as being a factor in abuse or being abused. Insanity, sadism, power, effects of their own past traumatisation, denial and derealisation were more important to me.