Other Schizophrenia?

[bluedressinggown]

hello, please read to the end, I know it's a long ramble and I'm sorry about that.

Feeling a bit confused today. I'm just wondering if anyone is schizophrenic, or has recognised the signs in themselves and since had a diagnosis from this. Is it possible to have a mild form of schizophrenia?

I've been diagnosed with PTSD and severe depression/anxiety since an accident last year. Please note that as I said- I get into a whirlwind of confusing thoughts, which I'm not sure is normal or not, so I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense.

I have had a lot of symptoms of PTSD over the last few months, and have started seeing therapist about it. THing is over the last few weeks, I feel like im getting worse, I've been thinking a lot about suicide and feel like I'm getting confused. I get into a wierd train of thought, which is very difficult to describe, but it is a bit like seeing yourself in a book or a film. I'm not sure if I actually see myself in a book- but it's a wierd out of body feeling that I am greater than the world I am in. It lasts minutes, and doesn't happen that often, maybe once a day, and is fleeting. Very difficult to put my finger on it. Is this normal? I also get confused about thinking about what I'm thinking. I then start to think I'm a hyperchondriac- and I'm imagining it. I get these feelings that I'm imagining things a lot. Like I don't have any faith that what I am thinking is real. I don't know what that is- but surely the fact that i'm so confused about it is a problem in itself? This is like a never ending viscious circle of thinking.

My thoughts are generally all over the place. The most disturbing thing is I will be speaking to someone and then have a complete blank. It's really quite embarrassing becuase I then have to think of a way of ending the sentance, I see the person realise I have no idea what I am talking about, and it's really cringy. This is PTSD though isn't it?

I know I'm very paranoid, about medical staff in particular- like I think they are laughing at me, or think I'm making a fuss, making up my problems. I obsess about this a lot. I'm also paranoid about my family, I think they deliberately ignore me or are too busy about me. Which i've been told by my mum very angrily that I am delusional on several occasions.

The main reason I'm listing all of this, is because I've noticed several times over the last few weeks, that I keep smelling bad smells that noone else seems to smell. It's like a manure smell, either I suspect that I smell of it, or a room, or someone else. It's really wierd, and doesn't happen loads, but enough to make me notice it. It's only when this is happening that I have started to worry about schizoprenia.

Thing is, I feel like I'm obsessing about myself a lot. I don't want to do it. That in itself makes me think there's something wrong with me, and then I start the whirl wind of thinking I've made it all up, am I a hyperchondriac in fact? Surely I wouldn't WANT to be diagnosed with Schizophrenia though? I worry about bringing this up with a GP or therapist, because I think they will laugh at me. I'm also worried, that if I did bring this up, how this will effect my career- which is an important role within the community with vulnerable people where you need to be police checked etc. How will this impact my chances of work? Can you live a normal life when you are schizophrenic? While I'm not with the therapist from week to week- I get into these confusing messes with my thoughts, then when I see the therapist, I can't recall them or describe them.

I know that I can function at the moment, I'm doing things, so that's why I doubt this diagnosis. Also would a schizophrenic person be able to diagnose themselves? I'm just wondering if it is the early signs, and perhaps by bringing it up, I could prevent anything worse from happening. Any kind thoughts much appreciated, although members of this forum have already helped me so much already.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

Have you read about dissociation and more specifically the subtypes of Derealisation and Depersonalisation? I only ask this as dissociative elements are very common for us with PTSD.

 

[bluedressinggown]

Are these dissociative elements? Have read a bit because actually therapist mentioned it and I didnt know what it was.

 

[Jane.l]

I have pretty wild thought patterns - therapy and ptsd do make you very introspective . I often feel fragmented and it is very hard to keep track of thoughts and feelings when things are changing so much .

I would suggest writing things down - maybe keeping a diary or record of whats going on for you in the week so you can show your T .

I think you need to try not to worry about what you are telling your T - don't keep things from him he needs to know whats going on to be able to help you - he is not a mind reader he needs to know everything .

 

[bluedressinggown]

Right. ok. Thanks so much. I think you know from my other posts Jane that my mind is all over the place. I might just print out or copy my posts for the therapist.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

It's difficult to say, because of the way you've described it, but very possibly. First I will just give a quick definition of the elements I mentioned to you.

Dissociation is an umbrella term here - a larger category that includes Depersonalisation and Derealisation. Dissociation is basically a sense of detachment either from your immediate surroundings or your physical/emotional feelings. Common types that even mentally healthy people have are daydreaming, being on autopilot and not really remembering all of (for example) walking home from school/driving home from work. On a more severe level this might be not feeling pain losing hours of your day and you can't remember what you've done during them.

Derealisation is perceiving that the world is unreal and that you are in some way disconnected from it, the separation from the world is often described as fog, a pane of glass or veil, looking through a lens or watching TV and that it may seem colour and vividness is reduced by this.

Depersonalisation is perceiving that you are somehow detached from your sense of self - that you are watching yourself act but having no control or living someone else's life somehow. It might feel like you've changed or been changed and everything is somehow not real and/or dreamlike.

All three of these aspects happen within PTSD although there are separate dissociative disorders for very severe and ongoing cases of dissociation. Also the three can happen on their own or all together or any mix of them at the same time. They are made worse and often only arise during times of high stress or panic. The distinguishing factor between psychotic and dissociative elements is whether you believe that it is real. So you've said:

I get into a wierd train of thought, which is very difficult to describe, but it is a bit like seeing yourself in a book or a film. I'm not sure if I actually see myself in a book- but it's a wierd out of body feeling that I am greater than the world I am in.

Now if you genuinely and completely believe that you are actually in a book or film then it's more likely to be psychotic. If feels like you are in a book or film but know that you aren't, even if you can't shake the feeling or are very disturbed by it, it's most likely to be dissociative.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

These are just general rules of the thumb, having said that you shouldn't really decide if you are psychotic or not, a trained professional should. Also it's very easy to misunderstand some of these feelings because of the anxiety and fear of them as you experience them and after. Definitely talk to your therapist about it, but as they have suggested dissociation (and hasn't raised the idea of some form of psychosis?) as a possibility I think this is likely.

 

[bluedressinggown]

Ok. The only reason I thought schizophrenia is because of the smell thing. Then I started thinking of the other things.

I will speak to someone- its just easier to speak to you guys first. Helps me stay in control of this scaryness.

 

[Barconian]

hello, please read to the end, I know it's a long ramble and I'm sorry about that.

You do not want to be schizophrenic @bluedressinggown

 

[bluedressinggown]

Obviously I know that, I wouldn't suggest it on a whim.

 

[Barconian]

Good! Your smart enough :)

 

[billie]

I can relate when I go through psychotherapy; it sends me off the rails for up to a month after. It really questions your reality