Do I Have To Talk About My Childhood Abuse To Therapist?

[Notsowild]

I am starting therapy this week with a trauma specialist. I'm a little nervous. Do I have to talk about my childhood abuse to fully recover? I still have a lot of repressed memories and it frightens me what will surface.

OR... Can I just work through my second trauma and still heal fully? Any thoughts? Thanks

 

[franciemarnie]

I vote do what comes naturally. Don't talk about anything you don't want to or are not ready to.

It's possible that someday it might be a natural thing and something you want to do re: talking about your childhood. You will know if or when it's the right time.

For me, the lesser traumas came first, and processing them helped significantly.

 

[Wolvescry]

I can't really say if it is necessary to talk about it ever, what I can tell is my own personal experience and maybe it can help you some.

When I first notice there was something off with my mental state and that I needed help I did not know where to go. I seen an add online saying if you were depressed they can help. I called not knowing I had PTSD and they asked me to go in. At the time I just started college, so my education was more limited. When I met with the people who placed the ad I discovered it was a church for Scientology. I knew very little about it, and was desperate to seek help so I stayed. After filling out so much paperwork they sent to an office with a woman. She told me she has a masters in psychology, which made me trust her more. She asked for my whole life story to understand my depression. Although I tried to avoid telling about my multiple traumas, she pressed the issue and since I thought she was qualified I let it all out.

BIG MISTAKE!!!!! It caused my PTSD to skyrocket, my nightmares got worst, I started remembering more, the worst part is she was the one who pressured me and then made a stuckup comment as I left. I felt so wounded. Now that I have more education and training in the field I understand what she did was really wrong. You are never suppose to pressure someone to relive there trauma. This women claimed to have her masters but did not seem capable of following some basic guildlines to counsel someone. I get the feeling she just did not like me, and she just messed with my head on purpose.

Anyway never talk about your trauma till you ready. Your therapist wont pressure unless they are sure you are ready and willing. My advice is to ask about their experience and credentials, communicate your concerns with them. Tell them that you may not want to talk about trauma and what are your options. Your therapist would be able to tell if you can heal without dealing with the first trauma.

 

[NovemberStar]

For FULL healing? Yes you probably will - but as the others have said - start with what is at the top and slowly work your way thought it all.

You don't have to do it all at once, and it takes time (often a lot of time) to develop a trusting working relationship with your T.

I think it would be a huge mistake to not ever talk about your childhood abuse. I'd encourage you to be HONEST with the T when you see them - tell them you have childhood / other trauma but you are fearful of approaching that stuff right now. Discuss your fears around what talking about it might bring up. Its important to just be honest, and up front, as well as to let the T know what you are ready to face and what you aren't quite ready too. A good T will NOT push you to reveal too much too soon; a good T wil encourage, support and guide you, but never 'force' you to 'go' where you just aren't quite ready too.

Why is it important to not ignore past abuse? Because you KNOW it's there - and it will still be affecting your life, albeit it in ways you might not be fully aware of yet.

I had years of therapy from age 18-late 20s. I truly felt I had worked through ALL the past abuse and how I felt abut it. I had come to a place of acceptance, understanding, and embraced life - I could even see how all the bad experiences I had had, helped me to be the strong person I was. My Mum was my main abuser - I witnessed her sudden death aged ten years old; I had come to such a place of acceptance I changed my Will so that I would be cremated and my ashes buried with her. I even saw the 'positive' in having to walk in the room exactly as she was having her fatal heart attack.

But - further trauma a decade later suddenly triggered up a LOT more abuse, and a LOT more flashbacks and long buried emotions I had never experienced since the time of the abuse. My PTSD was back, and worse than ever before. I've had 3 years of PTSD and severe eating disorder relapse since. I have just about lost everything I had worked so hard to gain after my first major recovery from PTSD, and I don't even think I'm even hallway into the pain and trauma yet.

IF you have had PTSD once, you are much more likely to get it again, if some other trauma happens to you - it won't be coincidence you have PTSD from another trauma in your life either - so if you know you have other abuse / trauma issues that are 'there' then I really do encourage you - at SOME point - to fully explore them. Not doing so, you might heal form the latest trauma you have gone through, but the other stuff won't ever be far away, and WHAM, up it comes at some point in your life ;(.

SO please at least tell the T you do have other abuse from childhood, and tell them very early on - even if you cannot go into details, just say you can't quite yet - but whatever you do, don't ignore it.

You're stronger than you think, you can do it.

 

[Leigh925]

I tried treating my therapy like a buffet because I wanted to deal with my second trauma but not the early abuse...so I was like I will talk a little about this and a little about that. I did it mostly out of fear. I found that my heart and brain had other ideas anyway and that skipping around the issue didn't help me. In fact trying to control it and keep it from coming out made things worse. I started having nightmares again and feeling physically sick all if the time. I was honest with my therapist about not wanting to talk about it and that it was there but off limits for now. Once I built trust with him I started giving him more pieces of the puzzle and it really helped a lot. I think therapy is such an individual process that I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you that I felt more freedom than I ever have when I finally told the whole truth.

 

[TimeToHeal]

Speaking from my own experiences with my trauma therapist - I've been seeing her about 5 or 6 months. Though I've seen many, many therapists over the years, she is the first actual trauma therapist.

We started out very, very slowly. It's not like you walk in, introduce yourselves, then delve right into your deepest, darkest, traumatic memories! :bored: We spent the first few months getting to know each other, getting me feeling more comfortable and deciding if I could trust her. We talked about present circumstances, day to day events and struggles, that sort of thing.

It's only been recently that we've begun touching on various traumas. (We've also just begun doing some EMDR, but that's for another thread)! And it's always only as much as I can handle. My therapist is good to reiterate that I am in control of how far we go into anything.

As far as whether you have to talk about your childhood trauma or just your more recent trauma - I would say that would depend on the effects of which traumas are currently plaguing you. You may think you've only really been affected by more recent traumatic events, like I did, but unfortunately for me, I'm discovering my traumatic experiences began many years prior.

I guess the bottom line is, you don't HAVE to talk about anything you don't want to - and certainly never before you're ready. But from what I've learned, in order to really "heal," from a trauma, it has to be processed. At some point, in some way. Different therapists use different processing methods. And you have to be in a stable enough place to do that processing.

I would bring up your concerns to your new therapist this week. Only he/she can tell you his/her views and approach to such things. If you're afraid you might forget things, make a list of things you want to ask our bring up and bring it with you to your appointment! I bring lists to my sessions pretty regularly and find them quite helpful - my therapist also seems pleased when I bring them!

Good luck, and let us know how it goes! :)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Being on the other side of processing, I don't think you can truly heal until you process all of your major traumas. PTSD is about living in the past. The goal of processing is to "un-stick" out minds from those traumatic moments. I don't know how you'd go about un-sticking your mind without processing?

My processing sequence included 1) happy before trauma moment 2) trauma itself 3) happy post trauma moment; all repeated in various ways (speaking, drawing, etc). It really worked well as now instead of being stuck in the trauma, my mind automatically switches to a happy post trauma moment. Unfortunately it was necessary to dive into the trauma itself in order to be able to move past it.

I know there are other ways of processing, and you don't have to move faster than you are ready. I know I had a good outcome of processing but not everybody does as well. I do want to say that in the hands of a competent trauma therapist, the risk is very much worth it. I have a ways to go in my own healing but I am also better off than I ever thought I'd be, in a number of ways.

I think you should take things slow. Work at your own pace, but be open to a therapist who will gently push you forward. I used to always have my eye on the finish line, but lately I've been realizing that it's just as important to be focused on the here and now. So what I mean is work on building up your coping skills, work on building up your trust in your therapist. Have faith that you are on the right path even though that path may change at any given time as you discover what your own immediate needs are.

 

[desiderata310]

One thing I have discovered since I started this is that while you may not want to delve into something, your brain has very different opinions on the matter. Everything is related. Once in session, I had a flashback that rolled from an adult trauma right into a childhood trauma. The two were related in a way. It's not like you can build a fence around it and only deal with one thing. Trust me, I tried.

 

[marylouise]

Notsowild,

One thing at a time. You don't have to figure it all out this week. You just need to keep your appointment! Plan something nice for yourself as a treat after your appointment (a special cup of tea, a chocolate muffin, a walk through the woods, an hour reading a novel, whatever feels luxurious to you). You deserve it! Recovery isn't easy, but we can all move forward. We have to listen to ourselves, and if you're not ready to talk about your childhood then don't. Maybe you'll feel differently later, or maybe you won't. You can still keep moving forward.

 

[Notsowild]

I can't really say if it is necessary to talk about it ever, Your therapist would be able to tell if you can heal without dealing with the first trauma.

Sorry to hear about your experience. Thanks for the advice. I'll remember to ask him this.

For me, the lesser traumas came first, and processing them helped significantly.

My second trauma would be the lesser one but with it I got more devastating symptoms. I need to process these first. Thanks for your kind advice

Why is it important to not ignore past abuse? Because you KNOW it's there - and it will still be affecting your life, albeit it in ways you might not be fully aware of yet.

Oh I know my childhood abuses affected my life in a lot of ways. But right now I want to deal with this latest trauma. I guess I'm being impatient. I can't spend too long in therapy I still have to live life and get back to work. Dealing with my past could be a long painful journey that I'm not ready for.
Thanks for all your advice and support

 

[Notsowild]

I would bring up your concerns to your new therapist this week. Only he/she can tell you his/her views and approach to such things. If you're afraid you might forget things, make a list of things you want to ask our bring up and bring it with you to your appointment! I bring lists to my sessions pretty regularly and find them quite helpful - my therapist also seems pleased when I bring them!

Good luck, and let us know how it goes! :)

Great advice! I love the idea of lists. Thanks for your great advice and I'll keep you posted.
ALSO... About EMDR... I heard it wasn't good for repressed childhood abuse. Have you heard that?

 

[Notsowild]

Being on the other side of processing, I don't think you can truly heal until you process all of your major traumas. PTSD is about living in the past. The goal of processing is to "un-stick" out minds from those traumatic moments. I don't know how you'd go about un-sticking your mind without processing?.

Thank you again Solara for all your kind and knowledgable wisdom. You are truly inspirational to me.
I agree with you but once again I'm trying to speed things up. Do I really have time to deal with all this? I need to get back to work eventually. Dealing with my childhood trauma seems like a big undertaking. Can I work and deal with all this? I don't know.