What If You Recognize Someone Here?

[Echo]

For me, it would depend on whether you planned on building a relationship with me afterwards. If you did so with the advantage of all this intimate knowledge about me and maybe only told me later in the friendship or it slipped out somehow, I think I would find it a bit creepy or stalkery.

I like the above suggestion of making contact sooner rather than later and judging the level of intimacy this person wishes to have with you. That is, if you are at a stage that is comfortable for you to do so.

It is difficult to assess in one respect in that it is not possible to gauge from what you've said whether you feel the person concerned has been careless in giving their own identity away (or may not care that she has) or whether you are just somehow party to the details of her story. It is not your responsibility if she has revealed herself deliberately or carelessly, of course, but I could imagine that if she is unaware of how she might have given herself away and there are legal implications, for instance, that things could be hard ethically for you.

Some people here appear to make a distinction between what they write on general threads and in their diaries. One thing you could perhaps do is to decide not to read her diary, if she has one. Quite how you can avoid what she has to say, or could be expected to do so, on general threads is another matter.

I think I personally would try to open a conversation with her, as suggested above. Then she does at least have the choice of whether she continues on this forum or, if she does, how much she divulges, even if she never tells you that she is here.

Though in the end, we all know we are on the internet and have to take responsibility for what we say here. Not a nice position for you to be in.

 

[Al_Lurker]

...Another possibility came to my mind: Would there be a way to reach out to this person in your "real" private life and first see how things develop? And if they're going to a more personal relationship than just being acquaintances, then you could start to talk about your PTSD and that you're in a PTSD forum? ...

I think this is how I'd prefer it to be handled if it were me. Maybe share some things on your timeline that indicate your awareness of PTSD if not the fact that you suffer, maybe organizations that offer support and education like this forum. Even if this person does not respond you are helping to erase the stigma that is at the root of your problem. When I did that I ended up having a friend 'confess' that he suffered from it and had for years. We weren't terribly close, served in the Army together years ago, but I think it made both of us feel better to know that we now knew that the other shared the secret.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I think I'd want to know but not make a big deal about it. Just a 'hey it's me, sorry, wanted you to know so you could handle it however you needed to.' would do wonders for trust. You respect their space and their need for privacy, open up the lines for dialogue if needed, but ultimately you're letting them know you care enough about their wellbeing to be open and honest. They might want to have you both ignore one another, or it might offer them a friend they sorely need. Don't go in with expectations, just the care you obviously already feel.

 

[Rumors]

Thank you for your words of wisdom folks. I don't have any "real" relationship with this person now except that we may end up at the same venue from time to time and that we are on a social media site as friends. I read her posts there and seem to think that she is a very kind person. My intent is not to strike up a friendship and then mention it, just solely to protect the anonymity that some of us seek. She may not care given she used an explicit detail about her life along with an avatar.
Thanks again. I am not going to read anything else she posts as I feel like it is an intrusion! I am not sure about reaching out in "real" life as I most certainly live a double life in the respect that no one knows about my PTSD. I don't discuss issues with anyone other than my therapist and he is enough. ;)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'd let it go.

You don't know this person. Well, not that well that is. You don't know if you can trust someone at the acquaintance stage. Revealing your identity to her means that you're potentially risking letting others find out you're here as well. Say she gets mad and tells everyone your username. Yes, you say you're pretty generic here on the site, but at the same time I bet that something you've said at some point could come back and bit you in the arse if people in real life found out. Something minor to us may be of great concern to someone with no experience with or knowledge of PTSD. People can walk away for the most minor things (they don't understand).

Maybe I'm being paranoid, but risking my voice on the forum isn't worth it for anything, especially not someone I barely know.

 

[Hashi]

I also advocate stepping back, putting them on ignore, and telling them nothing.

Not sure why you would need to do anything else, if you won't be reading anything they say from now on?

 

[Rumors]

I also advocate stepping back, putting them on ignore, and telling them nothing.

Not sure why you would need to do anything else, if you won't be reading anything they say from now on?

I guess because it feels like a betrayal to me. Even though I don't socialize much with this person, we do end up in the same venue on occasion. Just feels wrong but I am hyper sensitive to issues of deception or perceived deception even if it is not. ;)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Stop me if I'm wrong, but you discovered her identity based on what she posted. If she wanted 100% anonymity, she shouldn't have posted identifying details (no matter how minor) here on the forum and discussed/disclosed those details in real life, especially not to an acquaintance. You didn't do any betraying! And, I'm thinking that if she is disclosing her PTSD status to people she only knows in passing, especially details that can be used to identify her, then she isn't so concerned with privacy.

It's like Anthony says, there is no true privacy on the Internet, not even here. Anyone who thinks that there is zero chance of being identified is sorely mistaken. No matter what we post, there is always the chance that someone will find out who we are. It's a risk we take by posting.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I would protect the anonyminity of both of you. I would just hit ignore and let it go. You are already friends on one site and on this one, you would be making the both of you safe.

I wish you the best. There are always consequences to our choices that we cannot see. Keep it casual and protect your own privacy. I have used the ignore button a few times and I found it helped things out so much.

Stay and be safe and take real good care of yourself now.

 

[TimeToHeal]

I too, would hit ignore and try not to worry about it anymore. Especially if you have no intention of revealing your true identity to her, I think it would be weird to tell her you knew who she was.

I am also VERY private as far as my PTSD and other "issues," are concerned. For me, it would feel too vulnerable to give a casual acquaintance that much personal information. I also don't think there's any risk of them finding out later on that you knew all along it was them unless you told them yourself.

Try not to worry about it too much so you can move on! :)

 

[Lucycat]

I'm sitting here wondering if the right person has replied so you actually have an answer from her. Then it makes me wonder if I have ever met you. You have really stirred up the paranoia. I don't mean that in a bad way - it just highlights the vulnerability so many of us feel.

I think I'm with the 'ignore' suggestion.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Lol, that's what I was thinking. I would have liked to know if it was me,