Can't concentrate and easily angered

[joshua_]

I'm a college student and doing homework just makes me feel hopeless. Doing anything is too stressful. How am I going to keep a job if taking one college class is too stressful for me? Sitting in my bed all day is hellish enough, but to actually do something just causes extreme stress and anger.

If I don't know how to do a math problem, I'm literally screaming curse words in my mind and get urges to self harm. I almost broke a pencil but brought it under control. I just have no patience, and then decided "f*** it" and settled for a lower grade on my homework because I didn't want to do the harder problems. I'm now angry at myself for being lazy and not as smart as others.

The people that succeed at college are the lucky ones with no mental health issues and a perfect life with a motivational attitude. I'm so jealous of those f*ckers. I'm absolutely pissed and am starting to feel like I'll never be able to handle a job or finish college (I'm only in my first semester). How can I learn to concentrate and not get angry so easily?

I'm worried I'll end up homeless or with a terrible job because of this. It's causing hopelessness, depression, anger, and jealousy.

 

[Em C.]

Hey Joshua I'm a college student too (who has been staring blankly for about an hour instead of doing research). Keep in mind that it isn't you being lazy -- there is much more going on than that! Part of PTSD is feeling tired and upset.

I'm in second year with PTSD, somatoform disorder, multiple concussions in first year (and behind in courses perpetually) so I know it isn't easy. But it is possible. If you want to message me we can chat about it! :)

If you don't mind my asking, are you on medications/have therapy?

 

[joshua_]

Hey Joshua I'm a college student too (who has been staring blankly for about an hour instead of doing research). Keep in mind that it isn't you being lazy -- there is much more going on than that! Part of PTSD is feeling tired and upset.

Thank you for replying Em C. It was a mood swing that lasted for hours and I'm finally starting to calm down. I hope your research goes well.

I'm in second year with PTSD, somatoform disorder, multiple concussions in first year (and behind in courses perpetually) so I know it isn't easy. But it is possible. If you want to message me we can chat about it! :)

Okay, I will message you.

If you don't mind my asking, are you on medications/have therapy?

I recently got off Celexa after 3 months of it doing nothing. I will be getting on a new medication in about 2 and a half weeks hopefully and may try to find a good therapist. My last two therapists weren't helpful.

 

[NovemberStar]

I find it helps to not think too far into the future - thoughts of 'how will I ever be able to work if I can't study' - that's not today's problem; right now you're studying. Work is into the future, and all you can do is your best. You're not required to do any more than that ;-). I was very part time in my first degree because of the PTSD. But I got there in the end.

It won't always be like this, promise.