ButterflyBean
Not Active
Hello everyone,
First, let me say that even though I have not posted in a while, I do read posts several times a day and reply when I can.
Since I haven't posted lately, let me give you some background before discussing the current situation. My current treatment plan may seem somewhat unconventional to others, but for the most part, it has worked well for me. I have been in counseling since I was a teenager for a variety of issues related to my physical disability and other health issues, family dynamics, and more recently discovered trauma (I was diagnosed with PTSD in August).
My therapists and I have discovered that I experienced multiple traumas throughout my life; however, the one that led to a diagnosis of PTSD happened in 2012 and was due to a hospitalization. Here’s where the unconventional treatment plan comes in. I have been in counseling for 10+, with the same therapist who is a medical psychologist. (I trust her very much). When I entered college in 2007, I had a breakdown in one of the academic offices, which led me to see the psychologist on campus. I began a therapeutic relationship with her, in addition to my existing therapist. I see one of them every week and they work very well together. I should mention that they both practice CBT but are not trauma specialists. When I first began therapy, I was dealing with depression, anxiety, inability to cope, chronic pain, and family dynamics involving conflict. All of those issues still exist on top of the PTSD and tendency to self harm.
I do not wish to share details of the years leading up to therapy, or the challenges I experienced during college; however, I will say that this year, starting in August, has been especially difficult. I had several events, including the death of close friend, happen in one week. Then, in October, I experienced a very unexpected medical crisis due to my physical disability (I'm wheelchair-bound and require caregivers 24/7). After that, when I started my part-time job as a graduate assistant, I realized that I could not be a teacher due to my physical limitations, I had to make a necessary change in graduate schools as well as career goals. Needless to say, by February. I contacted one of my therapists in a crisis surrounding self harm, and I knew I was in trouble; that original“crisis” is still ongoing. I have been able to access the emotions that have been locked away for at least three years, if not more, through EMDR, which has been a godsend, just for that alone.
Now that I’ve given you the background, here is my current issue. I have been feeling the need for more support from my therapists lately, particularly since mid February. I have been seeing them more often, sometimes for double sessions or twice a week, depending on who is available. I also have a psychiatrist handling my medication, and she is the one who officially diagnosed me with PTSD. I am either not responding medication, or I have side effects that warrant discontinuation. For the above reasons, and/or other medical conditions, we’re almost out of options; correction, we are out of options. However, with mixed feelings, I will say that my psychiatrist really cares about me so as not to say, “I can’t help you anymore since there aren’t any more medications we can try”. She actually took it upon herself to call my therapist and discuss DBT before making the recommendation to me. The problem is, I have been literally emotionally paralyzed since she made the recommendation. Engaging in a new treatment, which makes sense on all logical fronts, I might add, would mean ending a relationship with one or both of my existing therapists. As you might guess, the prospect has stirred up deep-rooted attachment, abandonment, and trust issues. I recognize that these are old, and I’ve been dealing with them all of my life. My education and training in psychology has also forced me to be self-aware and recognize both transference and dependency.
Even though I am able to verbalize the major red flags in any therapeutic relationship, which some might argue may not be therapeutic anymore, I have not been able to make initial contact with a different therapist, although one who specializes in trauma and DBT has been recommended. I have expressed that my current treatment is not meeting my needs, and all three of my professional team members are making the same recommendation in response to my difficult, but necessary, realization. My question is, even though I recognize that something needs to change, thus warranting the recommendation, how do I take the first step and make the initial contact? I’m not committing to anything by doing so, and where I go in treatment is ultimately my decision, but I am still literally emotionally paralyzed; overwhelmed with constant anxiety and fear.
From reading other posts and comments from active members, I realize that some may think my situation is unconventional, and that my therapists have done wrong in the past to let it get to this point. However, I assure you that I am a stickler for boundaries and will do everything in my power not to cross them. I will also say that I have a tendency to place my own pressure and own boundaries on myself, so far as to choose not call my therapist when I actually need her help, even though she says it is okay. That being said, please do your best not to judge my present therapeutic relationships, because I already know there are issues in this regard; what I really need help with is overcoming my fear of making initial contact with the potential DBT/trauma therapist.
I appreciate your willingness to listen, be nonjudgmental, and provide suggestions!
~Holly
First, let me say that even though I have not posted in a while, I do read posts several times a day and reply when I can.
Since I haven't posted lately, let me give you some background before discussing the current situation. My current treatment plan may seem somewhat unconventional to others, but for the most part, it has worked well for me. I have been in counseling since I was a teenager for a variety of issues related to my physical disability and other health issues, family dynamics, and more recently discovered trauma (I was diagnosed with PTSD in August).
My therapists and I have discovered that I experienced multiple traumas throughout my life; however, the one that led to a diagnosis of PTSD happened in 2012 and was due to a hospitalization. Here’s where the unconventional treatment plan comes in. I have been in counseling for 10+, with the same therapist who is a medical psychologist. (I trust her very much). When I entered college in 2007, I had a breakdown in one of the academic offices, which led me to see the psychologist on campus. I began a therapeutic relationship with her, in addition to my existing therapist. I see one of them every week and they work very well together. I should mention that they both practice CBT but are not trauma specialists. When I first began therapy, I was dealing with depression, anxiety, inability to cope, chronic pain, and family dynamics involving conflict. All of those issues still exist on top of the PTSD and tendency to self harm.
I do not wish to share details of the years leading up to therapy, or the challenges I experienced during college; however, I will say that this year, starting in August, has been especially difficult. I had several events, including the death of close friend, happen in one week. Then, in October, I experienced a very unexpected medical crisis due to my physical disability (I'm wheelchair-bound and require caregivers 24/7). After that, when I started my part-time job as a graduate assistant, I realized that I could not be a teacher due to my physical limitations, I had to make a necessary change in graduate schools as well as career goals. Needless to say, by February. I contacted one of my therapists in a crisis surrounding self harm, and I knew I was in trouble; that original“crisis” is still ongoing. I have been able to access the emotions that have been locked away for at least three years, if not more, through EMDR, which has been a godsend, just for that alone.
Now that I’ve given you the background, here is my current issue. I have been feeling the need for more support from my therapists lately, particularly since mid February. I have been seeing them more often, sometimes for double sessions or twice a week, depending on who is available. I also have a psychiatrist handling my medication, and she is the one who officially diagnosed me with PTSD. I am either not responding medication, or I have side effects that warrant discontinuation. For the above reasons, and/or other medical conditions, we’re almost out of options; correction, we are out of options. However, with mixed feelings, I will say that my psychiatrist really cares about me so as not to say, “I can’t help you anymore since there aren’t any more medications we can try”. She actually took it upon herself to call my therapist and discuss DBT before making the recommendation to me. The problem is, I have been literally emotionally paralyzed since she made the recommendation. Engaging in a new treatment, which makes sense on all logical fronts, I might add, would mean ending a relationship with one or both of my existing therapists. As you might guess, the prospect has stirred up deep-rooted attachment, abandonment, and trust issues. I recognize that these are old, and I’ve been dealing with them all of my life. My education and training in psychology has also forced me to be self-aware and recognize both transference and dependency.
Even though I am able to verbalize the major red flags in any therapeutic relationship, which some might argue may not be therapeutic anymore, I have not been able to make initial contact with a different therapist, although one who specializes in trauma and DBT has been recommended. I have expressed that my current treatment is not meeting my needs, and all three of my professional team members are making the same recommendation in response to my difficult, but necessary, realization. My question is, even though I recognize that something needs to change, thus warranting the recommendation, how do I take the first step and make the initial contact? I’m not committing to anything by doing so, and where I go in treatment is ultimately my decision, but I am still literally emotionally paralyzed; overwhelmed with constant anxiety and fear.
From reading other posts and comments from active members, I realize that some may think my situation is unconventional, and that my therapists have done wrong in the past to let it get to this point. However, I assure you that I am a stickler for boundaries and will do everything in my power not to cross them. I will also say that I have a tendency to place my own pressure and own boundaries on myself, so far as to choose not call my therapist when I actually need her help, even though she says it is okay. That being said, please do your best not to judge my present therapeutic relationships, because I already know there are issues in this regard; what I really need help with is overcoming my fear of making initial contact with the potential DBT/trauma therapist.
I appreciate your willingness to listen, be nonjudgmental, and provide suggestions!
~Holly
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