NovemberStar
Platinum Member
@Solara - I am not claiming my life was perfect, by any means! HOWEVER I was FREE of PTSD in that I had no symptoms of it whatsoever. No flashbacks, no dissociation, nothing. I had acceptance and was at peace with my past, and I'd written a will stating I wanted my ashes buried with my mother, such was my feeling for her at the time.
Yes, I had ongoing issues with emotional intimacy, but I was free of all PTSD symptoms for 12 years. I was not under the care of any mental health service, but I did in that time, continue on with individual therapy, namely as part of work debriefing, although personal issues did of course come into it (when my father was dying of cancer etc).
During those 12 years, I did not struggle with abandonment issues or fears of rejection and intimacy during that time in any way the same depth. I had one friendship that I did struggle with in that 12 years - an intense (and in hindsight unhealthy) friendship for a period of one year. But even then, my issues did not overtake my life - I was able to function 'normally' in relationships with others at that time. In my professional life for example - had I not a a huge degree of stability in that time, there is no way in hell I could of been able to qualify and work in, the area in which I am in now (obstetrics). There is a huge amount of stress in my job, with (literally) lie and death situations and outcomes. I need to (and do, very successfully) achieve very good working relationships with my patients - I am in their lives for most of a year and many do come back to use me again for subsequent babies. The relationships I need to form as a part of my work are, buy their very nature, very emotionally intimate, as I need to work with a huge range of women from all different backgrounds in one of their most vulnerable periods of their lives (giving birth). If I wasn't able to form a close partnership with those women; if I was not able to have them trust me at the level they need to in order to cope with labour, and to be fully 'present' for them emotionally at that time, I wouldn't be able to do my job (nor have anyone return to me next time).
There is also a lot of horizontal bullying in my profession, which I am able to handle very well. In my first year in my job I had a case where I was blamed for a very bad outcome ( a baby with profound disabilities from birth). I had the hospital involved closed ranks on me, even going as far as to falsifying hospital records to protect them, and blame me. It took a 2 year investigation through different government organizations to rule I was not at fault and had adobe a great job in a very difficult situation.
There is no way I could have coped with that stress if I had had the issues with PTSD I do currently.
I really do believe had I not been exposed to further trauma I would have remained PTSD free. Yes, I would still have emotional intimacy issues, but that is not to say I would not have worked on these in therapy at some point. I guess I can thank the earthquakes for forcing me to face some of the more deeply buried issues!
Yes, I had ongoing issues with emotional intimacy, but I was free of all PTSD symptoms for 12 years. I was not under the care of any mental health service, but I did in that time, continue on with individual therapy, namely as part of work debriefing, although personal issues did of course come into it (when my father was dying of cancer etc).
During those 12 years, I did not struggle with abandonment issues or fears of rejection and intimacy during that time in any way the same depth. I had one friendship that I did struggle with in that 12 years - an intense (and in hindsight unhealthy) friendship for a period of one year. But even then, my issues did not overtake my life - I was able to function 'normally' in relationships with others at that time. In my professional life for example - had I not a a huge degree of stability in that time, there is no way in hell I could of been able to qualify and work in, the area in which I am in now (obstetrics). There is a huge amount of stress in my job, with (literally) lie and death situations and outcomes. I need to (and do, very successfully) achieve very good working relationships with my patients - I am in their lives for most of a year and many do come back to use me again for subsequent babies. The relationships I need to form as a part of my work are, buy their very nature, very emotionally intimate, as I need to work with a huge range of women from all different backgrounds in one of their most vulnerable periods of their lives (giving birth). If I wasn't able to form a close partnership with those women; if I was not able to have them trust me at the level they need to in order to cope with labour, and to be fully 'present' for them emotionally at that time, I wouldn't be able to do my job (nor have anyone return to me next time).
There is also a lot of horizontal bullying in my profession, which I am able to handle very well. In my first year in my job I had a case where I was blamed for a very bad outcome ( a baby with profound disabilities from birth). I had the hospital involved closed ranks on me, even going as far as to falsifying hospital records to protect them, and blame me. It took a 2 year investigation through different government organizations to rule I was not at fault and had adobe a great job in a very difficult situation.
There is no way I could have coped with that stress if I had had the issues with PTSD I do currently.
I really do believe had I not been exposed to further trauma I would have remained PTSD free. Yes, I would still have emotional intimacy issues, but that is not to say I would not have worked on these in therapy at some point. I guess I can thank the earthquakes for forcing me to face some of the more deeply buried issues!
