Relationship Tired, Hopeless, Sad & Confused

[christy_than]

I don't have exact questions, I only want to write my feelings.

My (still)2 years boyfriend been 3months back to Germany after 6months Afghan trip. the 1-2 months was the worse months ever, when he pulled away but I am okay. I can deal with it now (I found this web among that time) he never said he has PTSD, he told me he has health issue which he insisted to tell me what.

I tried to set clear boundaries between us (like I read here) I realised every time after we see each other, he will pull away. every time will be worse.

We have long distance relationship and I manage it to see him 2-3 times a month.

I've told him whenever he needs time I am cool with that, I gave the ball in his court. it worked for 2 weeks.

2 weeks ago, I went there (700kms=6h by train) to see him. He wanted to see me too, but then when I went home he shut out, again and again, same story same way and same like always shut out without tell me what happens!!

I get tired with this slowly. when I asked " are we still together? do you still want to be with me ?" he said I am trying yes !

He mentioned me to move on 1st month he came back. I dunno if he meant it or no

Last 2 times when he came out from his "cave" he contacted me, like nothing happened and was naughty ! of course I bounced back. When we meet, we had sex but after that it was like that's it,and he back to his "cave" shut out, isolated. sometimes I feel like does he keep me only for sex ?

These thoughts killing me.

After 2 weeks without hear from him and I didn't send him any messages either, I sent him today a long message, I didn't force him to make any decision, it was a 'reminder' of compromises we took that he would message me every often possible, and that I care.

I try to put him aside, work like horse, be busy with my life but ..oh I dont know how to describe what I feel.

How long will it be ? What do I do

 

[open eyes]

You've put in a lot of effort to make your relationship work. Setting boundaries was definitely really good move on your part. It's really not fair of him to keep blocking you out while still having sex with you & telling you he wants to be with you. There isn't a set amount of time it takes people to recover from whatever it is he's having a problem with. It could be anywhere from weeks to decades before he has improvement, & I think you need to decide whether he's worth waiting for. If he refuses to get help or even tell you that he's suffering, there's really nothing you can do except get yourself out while you still can.

 

[christy_than]

Thanks for your reply

If he refuses to get help or even tell you that he's suffering,

He's been seeing doc, twice a week.
Improvement, sometimes I see there is, sometimes I feel he gets worse.

I know at first that he is worth the wait, I want to save our relationship(at least try) I know he is not this kind of man but on the other hand, when he shuts out I am helpless

So, today I text-bombing him again, phone calls. after 36 sms ( I know I am wrong ) he replied tell me that he is practising for parade that's why he cant text me. but then I told him that he shouldn't leave me days even weeks without a word, its not tolerable.then he asked me to look for other guy and he is too messed up at the moment to dealing with this ( I feel guilty).

So I used a suggestion I've read on this web, I tell him that I will give him space and time he needs BUT he has to letting me now at least once a week or every so often that he is okay.( I wont respond) If I don't hear from him in a week then that is it.

He is agreed with that. Let see if its getting better or no.