Glad you're searching and not giving up. I have all symptoms of proposed c-ptsd (not officially diagnosable)...history of self-destructive behaviors probably revolves are dissociated states and lack of self. A doctor once told my parents they should be prepared to bury me. F*ck him...that was well over a decade ago and I treat myself quite well these days (struggle with panic, over-whelm, some depersonalization primarily when triggered by physical pain).
Anyway, I can't say what is a cure-all but agree with trauma focus and some somatic focus, as well as anything that supports you in day-to-day life. I don't have bpd but relate to some of it...and if you also have trauma history, trauma approach might make sense...but with someone able to take developmental approach vs singular shock trauma, and possibly able to work with attachment/abandonment stuff.
For me it is somatic/body psychotherapy and lots of mindfulness practices, supportive groups and connections, and art.....examples: yoga classes, meditation group, my 12-step group, and working on artwork in my quiet time helps with presence and just enjoying life. It's really important, whatever therapy, to build up our resources....anything that helps us self-sooth or feel strong, good body experiences, goid connections, creating new positive memories, etc. I like somatic focus because I have very little language for working with my deeper issues. In traditional talk therapy I either barely scratched the surface, felt very anxious, or spaced out entire sessions by not talking. Even CBT for an eating disorder barely made a dent for my eating disorder symptoms because they had more to do with regulation and issues of self than simply distorted eating or body image. I could switch anorexia out for alcoholism or cutting or suicide attempts.
For me, developing a felt sense of my body with support because it's scary has been important...including gaining an ability to read my own body cues, find safe ways to stay present or shift away from panic drive, and generally support my body's attempts at re-wiring some crazy regulatory processes...seems to make the most sense to me. In somatic trauma therapy my body seems to a very childish place quite often...and it's okay. In talk therapy the therapist asked if I had ADD. She was distracted and seemingly annoyed by my movements or need to fidget. So I sat on my hands. Just not helpful. She couldn't read my body's stress cues at all, so how was I supposed to learn anything?
Now if I check out or go numb my therapist can hold my feet (with my permission), she'll ask me to describe what I feel or notice, or I can lightly touch her arm, or just cry without having to explain it (because usually I have no clue why I'm crying, but this therapy hels me appreciate my body is "reorganizing" and has its own intelligence that I don't often have words for...though we talk, too, when words or little narratives or understandings are forming). This is a long answer, but I hope a little helpful. I can empathize for the struggle and dislike that some people in the mental health field actually suggest some people can't be treated. I always found some relief and ability to make some changes when I had hope and someone who also believed in me. I think a good therapist begins by giving us that little bit of power.
