My Deepest And Darkest Secret.

[Healing Reins]

I don't know why its hard though. I mean we are both still in high school and she got pregnant. in a way I'm glad because she comes off like she's perfect and has everything together, it's nice to know that she doesn't have everything together. I'm a terrible person for saying that. But she is like one of the prettiest and most bitchy girls in school and we used to be best friends and now we aren't because of what happened to me.....not that it matters but In a way I'm glad she is suffering. I know it's terrible to say.

I don't know how to bring this up to someone. how on earth do you tell someone. I had an abortion. That sounds so harsh, and so unacceptable.
My youth group leader knows about the rape, but she doesn't know about the abortion, and I really want to tell her about the abortion...

 

[shimmerz]

@Healing Reins actually rape is harsh and unacceptable hon. It isn't about what you did. It is about what the rapist did. Nobody out there would not understand what your decision was after the rape. Everyone with a heart would understand how gut wrenching this would be for you.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My heart goes out to you. You were so young and vulnerable and was seeking a solution to your healing and recovery and now you are finally mourning the loss of your baby. You are normal for going through abnormal times.

I would be very cautious about who you talk to about this. I am the product of a date rape and my parents were forced to marry and my mom hated and blamed me and I was very much abused by them.

I have had a very hard life and my mom was killed in a plane crash when I was nineteen. She hated me.

You made the best choice you possibly could considering the cruel situation you found yourself in. You did your best and I do not think you are mean for what you said about the girl who is now pregnant.

Some lessons are painful and costly and we have them in life. You are not the same person you were.

My sister got pregnant when she was fourteen and my dad forced her to get a abortion and she mourned the loss for so many years but I believ she has finally accepted it and come to terms with what happened to her.

ou have a life ahead of you to live and you do not know what is around the corner for you that is so good.

So go ahead and feel free to share here. I think it is very brave and courageous for you to share this with us and I feel so honored for your trust and I will not betray it.

I feel a red flag about talking to your group leader. I think you need to talk to a therapist about how you feel now which is so important to work through to healing and recovery.

I hope by sharing with us you feel tremendous relief in breaking your silence. I would be very cautious to who I talked to about this experience because I would not want you to be secondary wounded by others who do not believe in this. You deserve so much good.

I wish the best for you and keep on talking here about it where it is safe as you find the good help you really need at this painful time in your life.

I have made some choices as a teenager that I highly regret but I have had to work through them to healing and recovery and by all of the good responses you got, I believe you are going to be alright. Hugs.

 

[blackswan]

@Healing Reins, you can use whatever language works best for you :) I very rarely say that I had an "abortion" (I find it a really harsh sounding word) and usually refer to my experience as a "termination". Is there a word or phrase that would be easier for you to use?

You also can start the discussion any way that you want. Often leading with your current emotions is a good start because the way you feel is an uncontestable truth. It sounds like your youth group leader has been there for you a lot already and that you trust them, so you might find that once you're talking it all just flows...

 

[Fadeaway]

First of all, not reacting and keeping it together after a traumatic event is pretty normal. At least for me. I am always my most calm and most efficient after something bad has happened. It affects me greatly later. My moms suicide? Went to work the next day like nothing had happened. My serious car accident I was as calm and as zen as could be for days. The loss of one of my twins (born 28 weeks prematurely, one made it, one didn't) I was the emotional support and rock for everyone else. The problem is, it always hits me later and hard.

I am now infertile because of my ex so yeah, I get the anger about someone else being pregnant. I can't even stand to be in line at the grocery store and see magazines saying a celebrity is pregnant. That is bad, bad, suicidal thought inducing bad, just from the magazines. So I don't know how I would take it if it was a former friend who treated me the way yours did.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Follow your heart and trust your gut instincts.

 

[Go Hungry]

Being young is a time of great emotions and anger. And high school is a tempestuous pressure cooker because of it. Being glad that this girl had some misfortune doesn't make you terrible. In 20 years you and she will probably see it in a completely different light.

And about the youth group leader... I wouldn't tell her. I can't say why exactly, but I wouldn't tell the church at all. But also I'm a guy, so I have no idea what you're going through so.. v0v

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

This thread is hard for me to read and be around, having been pregnant at one point in my life and lost the baby. It was rape and I tried to abort it myself. I couldn't stand the thought, he had won, it was growing, was his...I can't even find the words!

It is not your fault and the guilt is not on your shoulders. @Go Hungry Is right, in 20 years you will both see this differently. You have your whole life ahead of you, make the most of that. Go to college, travel, grow and learn. Your friend wont be able to do that. Life works in ways we can't begin to understand.

Take care of yourself. It gets easier.

P.S And I am also not sure about telling your youth leader either.

 

[Healing Reins]

I told my youth group leader, she was really understanding, she told me she didn't judge me and she just held me when I cried...she told me I needed time to grieve and that what I did at the time may have felt right but it wasn't a good choice- I'm okay with her thinking that though. I feel like it was the wrong choice. I'm not against abortion, I'm just against myself doing it.[DOUBLEPOST=1402372143,1402372082][/DOUBLEPOST]She listened and let me cry. That's what I needed. I'm really thankful for her

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

she told me I needed time to grieve and that what I did at the time may have felt right but it wasn't a good choice

It wasn't her choice to make. It was yours.

 

[Suzetig]

I can't see any good choices in the situation you found yourself in, it's so important to have compassion for yourself - you did the best you could in the situation with the resources available to you. The real wrong was that someone raped you.

 

[Healing Reins]

I don't know if I agree with her on it being wrong but I do agree that I need to grieve