Sexual Assault Child Sexual Grooming

[shimmerz]

Suddenly.. oh holy shit I'm flashbacking..

Thinking of you @Go Hungry. I am sorry this caused flashbacks for you. I hope it didn't affect your day in a very adverse way. Just know that I am with you in spirit.

@Suzetig I am so sorry you suffered so. It in insidious how this shame is so misplaced onto the victim. I have such a feeling for this as I was protected sexually by my parents and this whole concept and having to live it and walk away from it - so abhorrent.

 

[SeanCharles]

@Ayesha Thank you for posting this thread! I am working on my own trauma diary and have posted a starting point. I was 7 biologically although developmentally (mentally) I was 2-4. My grooming was by my 13-14 yo male babysitter who was 'recommended by a teacher' my parents met while in a program to better themselves. (I am still trying to wrap my head around this myself.)

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Ayesha, I can so identify and relate to what you experienced as grooming and all of the victimizations that you suffered and endured. I went through my own horror story of being attracted to predators and wasted so many years of my life carrying the shame and blame and false guilt. I was finally able to put it back on the predators who knew exactly what they were doing to me.

I hope you will not waste you life carrying the feelings and bad thoughts about yourself. I wish for you an awareness that it was not your fault and you are innocent and not at fault in any way. I know easier said than done but it is possible. Wishing you the best on your healing and recovery.

I think you are very brave and courageous for posting this. It also clarified some things for me as well. You are not alone.

 

[shimmerz]

I helped me to organize a big part of my trauma as well @Ayesha. I know at least I tried. I thank you for that and hope that you are well.

 

[bluebird]

I have a sister of similar age as you were, Ayesha. She is very naive, innocent girl... she uses the internet quite a lot, quite often chatting with other girls.

My parents and I watch these conversations closely, we keep asking her about these girls she met online. We keep telling her not to give any personal information...

It's just - I see her craving for contact with many people. Luckily, she has good friends in her class...

I can easily see her being tricked and drawn into such twisted situations you had been drawn in. Without the family looking after her. Without the school friends.

Children need closenes and love. They need to hear kind words. Unfortunately, there are people who exploit this to gain their own twisted pleasure...

I just wanted you to know that I see how vulnerable my darling sister is. If something like that was happening to her, she would be the last person to be blamed...

 

[SeanCharles]

I wish I could just agree that it wasn't my fault, that I was vulnerable and I could move on. It is all very disturbing and I can't get my head around.

I am with you 100% @Ayesha It is all very disturbing, and wrapping my head around is not easy especially with the fact that I was dissociated when this occurred. I think for me too though, I am stuck understanding which grooming model was used or how, given that we had only met the night he was introduced!

 

[SeanCharles]

@Ayesha I am not sure if this is helpful or not, but here is a link I found which covers the '6 stage model of Child Sex Abuse": Link Removed

I will definitely have a deeper look than I have, because the couple times I've read this; I got distracted.

 

[friend to most]

@shimmerz I am not sure I could have taken being lonely. I am not sure my heart could have handled that. It was heavy enough.

So basically...what would I have done without them?

Yes because there was two people in my life very close to me and I still love them but i need to have closure on this

Thanks Sean. I did enjoy the acceptance then but now i see how wrong it was. I just wanted to be accepted.

 

[SeanCharles]

I am still trying to wrap my head around how I was specifically groomed. It seems to me that my groomer was very quick in his procedure. The one thing that was the last straw that finally broke the camel's back was his repeated empty threats and one broken promise.

 

[friend to most]

i can understand that. I grew up and moved away. But even at an older age my abusers tried to do more later.

 

[SeanCharles]

I think there was time when I had it in mind to go seeking, I wound up lost in the process... :( I was found and my parents were a bit concerned, because it was late fall and the temperature was dropping, I definitely had a guardian working in my favor...

 

[friend to most]

I understand. I almost committed sucide over it all. I only wanted to be accepted for me. I guess i have alot of skeletons in my closet[DOUBLEPOST=1402726240,1402726155][/DOUBLEPOST]i would have done what they wanted if I knew they really loved me. But it was all wrong