General Does Ptsd Define A Person?

[Deleted member 12723]

For many years I was allowing myself to be defined by what was wrong with me but with better therapy and getting on the right track I do not do this anymore. I was stuck for so many years and it was sheer hell.

Now I am defining myself as a good enough person. I do not share my traumatic life with anyone anymore and I am seeking a healthier life for myself now. I have really healed and recovered so much.

We are all so unique and one of a kind. Now it is more about managing symptoms and seeking the better way for me. I wish you the best on your journey.

 

[Sighs]

My daughter has high functioning autism. She is also a teenage girl. I've had so many arguments with people about whether her behaviour is due to her autism or to her being a teenager. The best answer I can come up with it that her autism is not like a jacket - she can't take it off. So ALL the input and output goes through the autism filter. Her behaviour is her own, filtered through her autism.

My PTSD partner is much the same. He is the wonderful flawed human being that he is, but his input and output goes through the filter of his PTSD.

Not sure that really helps...

 

[shimmerz]

I just wish I didn't feel such a failure for not doing all the right things

I see so many references to your friend in this posting and trying to justify why he is doing what. The above quote is what I see you saying about you. I wonder if it would be possible to sit down and write just one sentence that talks about how good you were in this friendship. The more you can write about 'I' instead of 'he' the more work you are doing on yourself rather than trying to figure out someone else. That rarely works.....

 

[6314usmc09]

"It's not being able to trust family or life long friends, unable to process thoughts from the start to the end. Never let down your guard because everyone's coming. Try sleeping eyes open, dripping sweat, mind running. I try every night believe me it's hard, when the damage received goes deeper than scars. It's taken my life and torn it apart. I watched my emotions and feelings flood out of my heart. Now all I feel is empty and hollow, emotionless knowing there's no hope for tomorrow. That's just tomorrow so I don't think of a future. I wish my shredded soul could be fixed up with sutures. I may feel alone but there are many like me, that are all stuck in hell battling PTSD. Please remain strong, continue to fight, for we all know we could end it tonight. "It will get better soon" something I'm always told. I've been consumed by the darkness it took place of my soul."

It's consumed my life and everyone could care less 23 yr old Usmc vet

 

[Sighs]

Hi @6314usmc09 - welcome to the forum! You will find a lot of people here who care. Both sufferers who truly understand your symptoms because they have them too and supporters who love and care for people like you.

Are you aware of mycombatptsd.com? A similar forum but restricted to vets only.

Hope that you have supporters IRL.

Those of us who live with and love combat PTSD vets know how much you have sacrificed and continue to sacrifice in order to secure our freedom and we thank you for it.

 

[6314usmc09]

I don't have much support at all, my family abandoned me and told me marine corps issues should not effect since being out, I got diagnosed with PTSD anxiety, chronic insomnia and MDD with ABSOLUTELY NO TREATMENT before being seperated and still haven't gotten it. Just feel like when it comes ill have already stopped the daily agony. The government should have to pay for my suffering, 4 shoulder surgeries in 18 months I couldn't work for 2 years after getting out and I've been out 3 years in December

 

[Sighs]

Sorry to hear that you are not supported by both family and government. Not sure how the system work in the US but I know there are other US vets on this site. Are there veteran advocacy services available to you?

 

[Breeze]

I see so many references to your friend in this posting and trying to justify why he is doing what. The above quote is what I see you saying about you. I wonder if it would be possible to sit down and write just one sentence that talks about how good you were in this friendship. The more you can write about 'I' instead of 'he' the more work you are doing on yourself rather than trying to figure out someone else. That rarely works.....

Shimmerz - I tried, that is all I can say. I don't cope well with silence and I felt controlled at times, I just did what I could, that's all. It's over now. It may have been more than PTSD, I'm unsure. I would never turn him away even now if he came back and needed a friend, rightly or wrongly. He is out at parties, I'm struggling. I will always try to promote PTSD and more help for survivors and supporters alike as well as working on my own self worth which I know I need to do. Best wishes to everyone and thank you. I'm sorry I can't say anymore at present.

Sorry that was more than just one sentence. Please take good care.

 

[shimmerz]

I tried, that is all I can say

@Breeze! You did great! I bet your trying is exemplary compared to most. I did not at all mean the above post as any type of criticism of you. Just a gentle reminder to try to attach to how you feel in all of this. Relationships are an exchange of energy.

He is out at parties, I'm struggling.

This exchange is incredibly unbalanced. Have you friends who support you that are a better type of energy for you? People who give rather than just take?

 

[Sighs]

@6314usmc09 - did you see the conversation I started with you?

 

[Breeze]

Please don't worry shimmerz I fully understood what you meant and thank you for the heads up, I've had other people say the same really. I'm to look to my own needs more and balanced give and take friendships so thank you for what you said, I did know what you were trying to say. I think most can feel it is one sided with someone with PTSD but other things may come with it too, plus as people have said the personality of the person and their own feelings.

Could I just say to 'Sighs' about autism. I used to work with an autistic child but he was only little. I found that much easier to cope with really, purely because he was the same all the time and with the person I knew it very much varied from an outward normality to someone totally different who I communicated with who was only 'ok' some of the time totally different at others.

One good thing. When I went to see my doctor the person I spoke to in our mental health team told me we are very lucky in the part of the country l live in as anyone going to see them with combat stress or related trauma are sent to the top of the list and to a 'trauma specialist' right away. This isn't the case for all areas of the country and I wish it was, and for other parts of the world too.

I do have a couple of people I've found I can talk to and they have pointed out the need to not just be a giver and to think of myself. It's strange as I do know a few veterans and those who haven't experienced PTSD have little knowledge of it which surprised me really.

The person I knew lived at a distance from me so it was difficult to really know how things were with his other friends and family. It was Jekyll and Hyde as I felt I saw the inner person via mails and text and others saw someone else mostly. Closer friends may have known, I don't know. I think It will help when my appointment comes through for me to talk to someone myself really. It's said many times on here for trauma survivors to get the right kind of help (and I'd add to stick with it too) and any family, friends or supporters to get educated and help for themselves as well and I feel that is good advice.

I still feel bad about struggling with not coping well with not giving this person space at times. At least I've learned that is something that I would find very hard to get used to.