I Have A Bad Habit Of Assuming Too Much. Need Wisdom.

[Deleted member 12723]

I have a really bad habit of assuming too much and will take this issue into therapy with me. It is better than it was but I keep on bumping into it. It is as natural to me as breathing.

I really try hard to listen without judging and when I respond, I see the facts of the case.

Has anyone ever had this bad habit and if so what helped you to overcome it?

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I have always assumed that others are judging me for the issues in my past, even though they have no idea what my real issues are.

I assume that they can read my mind and see my troubled past for what it was!

In myself I know they cannot see into my past and I apolgise if I have got the wrong impression of this question.

I learnt on my recent attendance on the UK Warrior Programme a technique that allows me to literally 'Disconnect Emotion from the Traumatic Injury of the Past'.

I ask myself honestly if it is OK to let-go of the emotional connection involved with traumatic emotion. Visualising every-time I felt say, Anger or Hatred, Shame or Guilt. Each time in my past I felt this emotion is like a bead on a necklace, the string holding them together is the emotional response that holds them together. By allowing myself to honestly, 'Let-Go' of that emotional connection I can realise mentally that the traumas of the past are just that, in the past.

I hope I have not missed the point of this thread.

Santa_:hug:s ........ Laurie

 

[shimmerz]

It is better than it was but I keep on bumping into it.

In what ways @gizmo? How do you see this coming up and what are the improvements? Can you explain a little more?

 

[Friday]

I assume the floor is going to hold me when I stand up.
Pretty safe assumption.
Unless I'm in a burned out old building, or I'm drunk (operator error: the floor was not what was holding me up. Crap. That was my job, and I've fallen down on it).

One of the things I hate about PTSD is that I start being unable to trust my own judgement. As people, we make thousands of judgements and assumptions daily, based off of our own experiences. (I remember being 5 and playing in falling down ruins without a care in the world, because I hadn't learned, yet, that not all floors are stable).

When our judgements become compromised? Yeesh. It's hard to get all the pieces back in working order. And when I'm stressed, or relaxed? They tend to fall all over the place, again.

 

[scout86]

I really try hard to listen without judging and when I respond, I see the facts of the case.

Do you mean that you try hard to see the facts of the situation, or that you believe you DO see the facts of the situation? To me, that's an important distinction. When I'm gathering information, one of the basic steps is to sort that information into categories like "facts", which would be the kind of "pretty safe assumption" that @FridayJones is talking about and "assumptions" which are less trustworthy because they usually involve assuming that other people see and experience things the same way I do. Like, when my aging mother talks about having trouble getting to the mailbox in the winter, I "assume" that the problem is snow, ice, etc. My T tells me it's quite possible that the actual "problem" from her perspective, is that she's wondering if anyone cares about her. (Then why doesn't she just SAY that???????)

So, I get that this can be a problem, I'm not going to assume that I know how you experience it or that I understand, exactly, what you're talking about. Can you expand on your question a bit?

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I tend to always assume the worst. I can superficially trust someone, but the moment they do something that can even slightly be interpreted as mean or threatening, I immediately abandon trust and start preparing to end any relationship I might have with that person. Very often I'm proven wrong and then I feel like an ***hole.

What seems to work for me a little is taking the time to evaluate why I am jumping to this conclusion, how likely it is to be true and what proof I have that supports my hypothesis, if there are more options and, if so, how likely those arecto be true.

It doesn't work miracles, but confronting and challenging the automatic thoughts and judgements you make can help you adjust your perspective.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I would say I jump to false conclusions and I keep catching myself doing it. I seem to assume the worst. What has helped me is that at least I am aware of it and am learning not to do that by careful listening and questioning.

But yes I jump to negative conclusions. I want to entirely quit this way of thinking and just recently become aware of the fact that I do not want to do this anymore.

I sure hope that this clarifies things.

When I respond to a person, a few people tell me entirely different opinions and I then I catch myself. Mabe I am being too hard on myself and this is just part of the learning process of being a human being.

I guess do not always jump to negative conclusions. But I sure wish I did not do it all. Thank you all for your responses, I really appreciate the support.

 

[shimmerz]

start being unable to trust my own judgement.

Jeez, do I feel this statement. This I think is what has thrown me off the most about my situation. I used to be unwavering and I think, fair and clear in the decisions I used to make. Now I second, third and fourth guess everything. I think it has a lot to do with my falling into the freeze response.

 

[intothelight]

Communication is tricky even under the best of circumstances. I believe a lot of problems lie in responding to what a person "thinks" someone is saying. I do that and that is usually when miscommunication occurs. I have to stop and ask questions for clarification and paraphrase what I heard to make sure that I am understanding correctly. I find that I miss nuances at times and do better with very direct and short exchanges. I also have to remind myself that I have two ears and one mouth, so I should listen twice as much as I speak. :)

I find with PTSD my two biggest pitfalls in communication are generalizing and personalizing and I have to be very careful and ask myself if I am doing either. I also have to remind myself to start at "neutral", because I have a habit of always being ready to defend myself.

Fortunately, communication is a skill and is something that can be improved on over time. Nice thread and I learned a lot reading the responses.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Thank you Deb for the clarification and your response. I am becoming aware of more faulty thinking patterns within myself and I guess it comes down to doing more listening than speaking. I really appreciate your response.

 

[shell]

I assume alot of things that aren't true, I presume that how I intepret someones actions are factual. I project my beliefs about myself onto them and I am guilty of mind reading at times.

I assume that others may think like I do, when as humans we all act differently.

Now I am starting to take time to question my reactions to see if my beliefs are true, it helps to reduce my anxiety and not get worked up over the actions of others, when there may have been no intend to offend. I think my trauma made me see the worst in others, because I expected the worst to happen, but sometimes it wasn't true. Sometimes it also made me refuse to acknowledge the truth about others also, because I wanted to avoid seeing reality.

 

[Bookoffee]

I have always assumed that others are judging me for the issues in my past, even though they have no idea what my real issues are.
I assume that they can read my mind and see my troubled past for what it was!

This is me. I figure that my mind is loud enough that anyone can hear it. My wife has to keep reminding me that she can not read my mind and I need to use my words. When I am feeling overwhelmed, I just can not articulate a conversation.