Scared To Post.

[Go Hungry]

I always get so spooked when I write things in here. Well, on the forums in general. I keep expecting that everyone here is just going to say "Okay, he's just too f*cking crazy!" and cast me out. Or that I'm going to horribly damage my 'image' here. I've done it before in other places, done something so bizarrely inappropriate that I had to run away from there never to return. I get so scared that I'll do something similar here. Or that a regular post or admission on my part will be so disturbing that everyone will shun me.

So every post is an exercise in terror, somewhat.

Is it like this for anyone else?

 

[scout86]

Sort of?

Where else can you post something "bizarrely inappropriate" if not on a PTSD forum? PTSD itself is both bizarre and inappropriate!

You really seem like a pretty nice person! I can't quite imagine you coming on here and being mean to people or calling people names. Beyond being cruel, what could be THAT "inappropriate"? I'd be willing to bet you wouldn't win the award for "strangest person with strangest thoughts to every grace the pages of this forum". (Sorry if that disappoints you!)

But, I DO get what you mean. I think I delete as much stuff as I actually post!

 

[mrsps]

I get what you mean. I re-read/delete re-read/delete a lot of what I write as it "doesn't sound right" or "someone may judge me"
I think this place is different though, people in here understand and we are all a little crazy in our own way :)
Please feel safe in here as you are not alone in the way you feel :)

 

[RussH]

You will find most people here pretty forgiving. We are all dealing with issues in our life, and sometimes our post are disturbing.
A couple of things to remember:
If you think your post might be triggering for someone, then start the post with Trigger alert.
Second be respectful of other's opnions and feelings.

I would also suggest familarizing yourself with the forum rules. I think knowing the rules may aleviate some of your fears about posting.

 

[Bookoffee]

I have been in therapy for over 15 years trying to deal with my PTSD. I was always settling with the therapist that showed the most attention to me. My last therapist was on my facebook page. Talk about being scared to post. Then I met my father's side of the family and they all joined. Just cat pictures go up at this time. I indifify the fear of posting.

Before I post I have to go to my journal and write what is going through my mind. I re-read it and make sure every word is right, puncutations are in place, etc.. Then I have my wife read it and ask for advice. I fear that I am going to be too childish, needy, inaproiprate, etc...My voice has been cover for so long and I am now just learning to speak, it can be overwhelming.

I had to fire my therapist of 8 years and I am inbetween therapists. I had a break-down on line seeking for help from anyone that would help me through my madness. I was scared and my wife couldn't understand what I was looking for. She found this page for me and I have been posting whatever comes to my mind. I am blown away from how much someone can relate to me. I am not foolish. I am not crazy. I am not alone. There is someone!

I may not have the answer, but I have the same fear.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Go Hungry ((Hugs))

I have been witness to your grace at other sites and I have been amazed at your respect as well as kindness. I do not keep my same name in those places that we both go as I have an x-stalker hubby...so I find it courageous of you to do so.

One of my favorite movies is "The Conspiracy Theory Film" with Mel Gibson. I offer this because there is an exceedingly sad beauty to me of the soul of a man that tries to do the right thing so hard and has been so tortured into his mental demise. I see that in you GoHungry...a beautiful soul. You are more than the sum total of what others have done to you.:hug:

I will stand with you as you fight your fear...promise. Post your truths. Reality is relative and takes flight through what we experience. We are more than prisoners of our past.

 

[RussH]

I am not alone

It is so incredibly important to realize this. When I finally realized I was not alone in how I suffered, wow how much that helps. I finally have people that understand how I feel.

 

[Friday]

Yep.

I don't usually give out personal information or details of my life to anyone. But here in semi-anonymous internet-land? Pshaw. Laissez le bon temps rouler, cher.

If there wasn't a 60min edit clause, I'd probably have deleted 90% of anything I've ever written. Thing is, as I'm writing I just don't really give a f*ck. I'm trying to reorder my mind, and this helps with that tremendously. I get to freak out in a controlled environment instead of wearing my crazy hat in public. Not that this isn't public, but the "worst" that could happen is getting banned.

Aside from the fact that I just don't talk about this stuff much/ever IRL, there's also the semi-minor detail that my voice changes. I spent my life traveling (30+ years). Every 6-24mo in a new place. So there's often a culture war going on inside my head. Not just accents and customs, but also propriety levels. All of which come out in my writing. Sometimes it's really obvious in my writing, other times I'm the only one who catches it. If you ever come across me swearing the air blue, you've caught me with my guard down almost completely. I don't usually strip down that nekkid or wear that hat much these days. I've usually got my mom-hat, or academia-hat, or whatever respectable productive member of society hat on. Also, when I'm in a blue-streak, all my culture hats blend together and I'm not careful to present a cohesive picture.

So I've got the combined lack-of-good-writing-in-a-consistent-voice thing, which just pisses me off... As well as overshare... As well as periodic bouts of paranoia all coming home to roost.

So I just come back to how I ended my first ever post in forums a decade ago. I could edit this garbage, and polish it into a for public consumption format... And it would never be put out there. Or I can just brazenly hit 'send'.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

You come across as a very good guy and always seem appropriate. You are not alone but fit in here very well in my opinion. You also offer help and support to so many people here.

 

[Bookoffee]

Wow...amazing, @gizmo thank you so much. My wife and I had just had an 'wow moment', someone said something nice about me that can indifify with my mental illness, PTSD, scary mind. Tears running down my face.

EDIT: WRONG POST...See? Mistakes happen....I thought this was a thread under my agorphobia.

 

[Hope4Now]

Keep posting, @Go Hungry. It's scary...mostly when you feel like you have to keep up an image. One of the things we need to do to heal is to learn who our true self is and that means letting go of trying to keep up an image. The forum is a safe place to post about whatever is going on in you. I'm finding (to my shocked surprise) that when you post things that make you feel like you are completely crazy, people actually respond and understand...and you don't feel quite so crazy any more. It's a safe place to take a risk, I think. I hope you will keep posting.

 

[StarChild]

then start the post with Trigger alert.

Dear @RussH I'd like to respectfully point out, that (according to @anthony) we don't use trigger warnings on this forum. Unfortunately, I can't find the original thread / post of anthony about it. But for more information, please look at the following links:

Link Removed
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/forum-subject-prefixes.45617/#post-730282