J_trustno1
Diamond Member
Okay, so let me point out what I wrote in my previous thread.
About 2 days ago I wrote a thread about how rude was my 16 yr old cousin was to me when he be brought up about the stupid cartoon program. He brought up about him knowing about that cartoon program and him discussing with the other idiot cousin who lives an 1 hr away from where we live. I made it clear that my brother told me and he found out from the other cousin. And then I decided to not pick a fight with an idiot who doesn't know what the f*ck he is talking about and has no idea that life is more than me, myself and I. And knowing things before others doesn't mean he's "Mr KNOW" it all. So I decided to not give into that argument with him but that hormonal teen tried throwing in that he knew it before etc etc, and I said "whatever". Then he starts showing slaps to me, tries putting his finger on his lips to shut me up when i wasn't even fighting or arguing with him. Then he tells me, "shut up you dumb piece of shit, or else I will beat you up!". That was the time when my damn mother comes in and tells me to walk into my room without knowing what was happening. I didn't want the situation to escalate and i walked off to my room.
Now, today my mother needed me to go with her to this government office and wanted me to help her in understanding the conversation since English is her third language. So I decided to help her and be her translator. However, the meeting was at 8:30am. She starts yelling at me when i was brushing my teeth at about 7:45am. I always need time to brush my teeth in the morning because my personal hygiene is more important than anything in the world. I told her that i am brushing my teeth and I'll be outside. She yells at me and tells me that I am "MAKING her late". It was bloody 7:50am and that place is about 4.9 km from my house and it takes about 8 min drive to get there or maybe 15 mins max in heavy traffic. She was just rushing me to go with her when i got out of the bathroom and to dress up. It only takes me 5 mins to dress. She was again telling me to hurry up and by this time she was starting to get on my nerves. I wanted to pick an argument with this woman but i decided NOT to destroy the peace at home. She told me that I AM making her late. She kept telling me to hurry up and eat. I grabbed a banana, and told her that is all i will eat, then her comment was, "if that was what you wanted to eat then you can eat it in the car!!!" I was f*ckING PISSED OFF at that moment and i wanted to leave her and let her go n f*ck herself n do whatever the hell she wanted to do! I am helping her, being polite and in return I am hearing all her crap.
So we left home at 8am, got to that office before 8:15am. Their doors were locked, and we were standing outside in the COLD for more than f*cking 15 mins. She didn't let me get out of the house in peace, made me stand outside there with her for extra 15-20 mins for no bloody reason. She is always in a rush, be it my appointment or hers. She is NEVER at peace yet I am the one who is blamed for everything.
So when we reached there, I was very sleepy because I had taken this new med my psychiatrist prescribed to me yesterday since I was having insomnia due to venlafaxine and seroquel wasn't working for me either. So it was whole new change of meds for me and I am just coping. She had pressed my buttons by the time we reached there. I had made up my mind by that time that time that I shouldn't live with this woman, because she is the one that is driving me more crazy than her f*cking relatives. I had the urge to leave home and never look back to her either. She is the one who NEVER stopped her relatives and my bloody father from abusing me when i was a kid then why the f*ck am I doing with this woman???
Later we get home by 9:50am, I was tired and sleepy from the meds, but i wanted to ask her why the hell she let her brother, her sisters and my father abuse and Now their kids (that asshole 16 yr old cousin) abuse me? There we go again, there was a HUGE argument that went on till 11am !!!!
In that argument, she tells me that I am the one who provoked her narcissistic sociopath/pshychopath brother last year when he lived in our house to pick fights with me. She started blaming me that i am the one who was talking to him while he lived in our house. BTW he is the man who forced childhood labor on me when i was a 12 yr old child, yet my bitch mother let him stay at our house last year. He was doing the same shit he did from years 2000 - 2008, which include humiliation, lashing out on me, saying nasty n toxic comments to me. AND guess what, my mother STOPPED ME!!! not him!! She has always told me to GO TO YOUR ROOM than letting me stand up to any of her relatives be it her bastard brother or her bitch sisters or her pedophile brother-in-law. I AM always the one who is told to "GO TO MY ROOM".
In all these years I have lost my identity, didn't know what were my boundaries, my voice was always made to shut, I was being stomped by my MUM's asshole bastard son of bitch mother f*cking BROTHER!!! And her sisters. I am just losing words how much I hate her siblings! As a result of this crap, I was almost raped because i didn't know my identity, my voice was buried all these years and i didn't know my boundaries!
So going back to what else happened in that argument, my mother tells me that she cannot change them! She tells me that I was SCARED by that 16 yr old's comments. I was scared of that "KID"!! see the word Kid, yet she forgot that she was the one who told me to go to my room!!! This is the eldest son of that pedophile and her bitch sister who always judged me, made me behave the way she wanted me to behave. YET again, I had NO f*ckING SAY in the entire thing. MY mother always throws herself in to create PEACE FOR THEM without even knowing the f*ckING situation. Last year, when my depression kicked in after her brother living in our house for the whole f*cking 10 months and destroying me all together, causing my memories from the past to surface, almost causing me to commit suicide! MY mum again left me to OUR home country to get her 52 yr old bastard brother get married for the THIRD TIME!!! Without giving a f*ck about my health! I was deteriorating mentally, I was crying for hours, I was depressed, I was in therapy, I had no sleep. I would wake up after an hour of sleep and cry my entire night out for worrying about my future daughter and them taking control over my life again, feeling like that 12 yr old who was forced into child labor, 9 yr old who was molested, 12-26 yr old who was always humiliated called the SCAR of the family and much more, MY mother LEFT me to get her brother married!! Whenever I called her and cried on the phone, she would yell at me and tell me that I need ELECTRIC SHOCKS and I will be sent into mental asylum! She just NEVER took me serious!!!
She still thinks that I am going to end up in the mental asylum because I am not making peace with the past and I am wasting my energy on them and thinks that I am seeing a mental doctor (Psychiatrist), and in therapy. She thinks that I have a wrong thinking for wanting the worst for her siblings and my father!!!
So after all this Ranting, my question is AM I GOING TO END UP IN THE MENTAL ASYLUM???? AM I really wrong? Are my reason's not valid? Am I really wasting my time? Will I never have my voice again?
Lastly, sorry for the language. I am just pissed off. I do love my mother but I hate how she always tells me that my thinking is wrong for those asshole relatives of hers!
About 2 days ago I wrote a thread about how rude was my 16 yr old cousin was to me when he be brought up about the stupid cartoon program. He brought up about him knowing about that cartoon program and him discussing with the other idiot cousin who lives an 1 hr away from where we live. I made it clear that my brother told me and he found out from the other cousin. And then I decided to not pick a fight with an idiot who doesn't know what the f*ck he is talking about and has no idea that life is more than me, myself and I. And knowing things before others doesn't mean he's "Mr KNOW" it all. So I decided to not give into that argument with him but that hormonal teen tried throwing in that he knew it before etc etc, and I said "whatever". Then he starts showing slaps to me, tries putting his finger on his lips to shut me up when i wasn't even fighting or arguing with him. Then he tells me, "shut up you dumb piece of shit, or else I will beat you up!". That was the time when my damn mother comes in and tells me to walk into my room without knowing what was happening. I didn't want the situation to escalate and i walked off to my room.
Now, today my mother needed me to go with her to this government office and wanted me to help her in understanding the conversation since English is her third language. So I decided to help her and be her translator. However, the meeting was at 8:30am. She starts yelling at me when i was brushing my teeth at about 7:45am. I always need time to brush my teeth in the morning because my personal hygiene is more important than anything in the world. I told her that i am brushing my teeth and I'll be outside. She yells at me and tells me that I am "MAKING her late". It was bloody 7:50am and that place is about 4.9 km from my house and it takes about 8 min drive to get there or maybe 15 mins max in heavy traffic. She was just rushing me to go with her when i got out of the bathroom and to dress up. It only takes me 5 mins to dress. She was again telling me to hurry up and by this time she was starting to get on my nerves. I wanted to pick an argument with this woman but i decided NOT to destroy the peace at home. She told me that I AM making her late. She kept telling me to hurry up and eat. I grabbed a banana, and told her that is all i will eat, then her comment was, "if that was what you wanted to eat then you can eat it in the car!!!" I was f*ckING PISSED OFF at that moment and i wanted to leave her and let her go n f*ck herself n do whatever the hell she wanted to do! I am helping her, being polite and in return I am hearing all her crap.
So we left home at 8am, got to that office before 8:15am. Their doors were locked, and we were standing outside in the COLD for more than f*cking 15 mins. She didn't let me get out of the house in peace, made me stand outside there with her for extra 15-20 mins for no bloody reason. She is always in a rush, be it my appointment or hers. She is NEVER at peace yet I am the one who is blamed for everything.
So when we reached there, I was very sleepy because I had taken this new med my psychiatrist prescribed to me yesterday since I was having insomnia due to venlafaxine and seroquel wasn't working for me either. So it was whole new change of meds for me and I am just coping. She had pressed my buttons by the time we reached there. I had made up my mind by that time that time that I shouldn't live with this woman, because she is the one that is driving me more crazy than her f*cking relatives. I had the urge to leave home and never look back to her either. She is the one who NEVER stopped her relatives and my bloody father from abusing me when i was a kid then why the f*ck am I doing with this woman???
Later we get home by 9:50am, I was tired and sleepy from the meds, but i wanted to ask her why the hell she let her brother, her sisters and my father abuse and Now their kids (that asshole 16 yr old cousin) abuse me? There we go again, there was a HUGE argument that went on till 11am !!!!
In that argument, she tells me that I am the one who provoked her narcissistic sociopath/pshychopath brother last year when he lived in our house to pick fights with me. She started blaming me that i am the one who was talking to him while he lived in our house. BTW he is the man who forced childhood labor on me when i was a 12 yr old child, yet my bitch mother let him stay at our house last year. He was doing the same shit he did from years 2000 - 2008, which include humiliation, lashing out on me, saying nasty n toxic comments to me. AND guess what, my mother STOPPED ME!!! not him!! She has always told me to GO TO YOUR ROOM than letting me stand up to any of her relatives be it her bastard brother or her bitch sisters or her pedophile brother-in-law. I AM always the one who is told to "GO TO MY ROOM".
In all these years I have lost my identity, didn't know what were my boundaries, my voice was always made to shut, I was being stomped by my MUM's asshole bastard son of bitch mother f*cking BROTHER!!! And her sisters. I am just losing words how much I hate her siblings! As a result of this crap, I was almost raped because i didn't know my identity, my voice was buried all these years and i didn't know my boundaries!
So going back to what else happened in that argument, my mother tells me that she cannot change them! She tells me that I was SCARED by that 16 yr old's comments. I was scared of that "KID"!! see the word Kid, yet she forgot that she was the one who told me to go to my room!!! This is the eldest son of that pedophile and her bitch sister who always judged me, made me behave the way she wanted me to behave. YET again, I had NO f*ckING SAY in the entire thing. MY mother always throws herself in to create PEACE FOR THEM without even knowing the f*ckING situation. Last year, when my depression kicked in after her brother living in our house for the whole f*cking 10 months and destroying me all together, causing my memories from the past to surface, almost causing me to commit suicide! MY mum again left me to OUR home country to get her 52 yr old bastard brother get married for the THIRD TIME!!! Without giving a f*ck about my health! I was deteriorating mentally, I was crying for hours, I was depressed, I was in therapy, I had no sleep. I would wake up after an hour of sleep and cry my entire night out for worrying about my future daughter and them taking control over my life again, feeling like that 12 yr old who was forced into child labor, 9 yr old who was molested, 12-26 yr old who was always humiliated called the SCAR of the family and much more, MY mother LEFT me to get her brother married!! Whenever I called her and cried on the phone, she would yell at me and tell me that I need ELECTRIC SHOCKS and I will be sent into mental asylum! She just NEVER took me serious!!!
She still thinks that I am going to end up in the mental asylum because I am not making peace with the past and I am wasting my energy on them and thinks that I am seeing a mental doctor (Psychiatrist), and in therapy. She thinks that I have a wrong thinking for wanting the worst for her siblings and my father!!!
So after all this Ranting, my question is AM I GOING TO END UP IN THE MENTAL ASYLUM???? AM I really wrong? Are my reason's not valid? Am I really wasting my time? Will I never have my voice again?
Lastly, sorry for the language. I am just pissed off. I do love my mother but I hate how she always tells me that my thinking is wrong for those asshole relatives of hers!
