Worst Therapy Session Ever!

[SwordsPandaGirl]

I dont know how to explain how I am feeling or what I am going through, I've never really been any good at describing what im feeling and have difficulty pin pointing emotions that I feel.

Two days ago I went to see a therapist. She is now my new therapist as I haven't been to therapy in almost 3 months prior to this appointment, due to moving back home after my year at University.

I really needed to go and have been trying to look for therapy all this time, without any luck looking elsewhere. Where I am from it is a very small place (5km by 3km approx) and there isn't much options when it comes to choosing a therapist nor is there a wide range of therapies to choose from. I've been feeling like ive been spiralling and decided I would go to a public therapist ( kind of like NHS in the UK but our version of that).

It was such a horrible first session! She was very cold to me the entire time I was there :( I explained a brief synapses of my story as I need to gain trust in therapists before I can go into the details. So I explained how I have PTSD, was seeing a therapist in the UK whilst at University and that it stemmed from abuse I have suffered whilst I was a child/teenager. She asked me questions, which I thought was fair enough as she would need to know more in order to help me. One of the questions she asked was "why did you never tell anyone as a child" which I simply replied with that I was too scared to and he kept telling me that I would ruin and break up that family and everything would be my fault. She then replied with "but families dont blame the victim and will stand by them" so I proceeded to inform her about my family and how now, most of them dont talk to me and blame me for everything, which she quickly then replied with "well, he was right then".....!!!!

How couldn't she say that?! I was in total shock! This is something that has always been in the back of my mind and worries me. That it IS MY FAULT! It took my other therapist MONTHS to keep me calm about this and it has now gone to waste! Its brought up old feelings and I feel that way again. I keep trying to move past that but I just CAN'T!

It then moved onto how I am doing accounting and she told me that I can then look at things from an outside perspective as an accountant I should be able to critically analyse things. She explained to me that with memories I should step out and see it as if from another's eyes. I understand what she meant sort of, like if I saw someone else going through what I had, I wouldn't blame the victim BUT when I explained to her that I can't do that and feel that way because I can't change how I felt during that time. I literally get stuck in that thought process and I can only imagine it through my eyes. She said "I wouldn't want to hire you as an accountant then"...

I am....completely shaken to my core! I have bad confidence issues, especially do with the degree I am studying as I struggle alot. I get good grades but I struggle. Keeping up with the work load whilst struggling everyday with depression, anxiety and flashbacks is a nightmare as many of you will know and I find it hard to cope with. I am currently on a work placement year working at an accountancy firm and I can tell you that everyday I wake up not wanting to go in. Whilst im there im constantly pancaking because I don't think im good enough to be there! I've never thought I was good enough for anything and I blame my family for this! They have NEVER been satisfied or proud of my accomplishments! They've always said I could have done better! Or not have said anything at all, not even a congratulations like I see other parents tell their kids :( I got A's for A-Levels and they didn't even care..... The rest of my family are the same, comparing me to my cousins, I've never been good enough in their eyes.

What she said about my degree really got to me.....I keep thinking about it over and over and over again. I keep thinking maybe I shouldn't be an accountant, maybe my fears were right all along. Its been a real struggle to keep myself going whilst having this constant thought on my mind and now.....I just...have no words....

Then she decided that rather than focusing on the abuse and the reasons why I have developed PTSD (I have more than one trauma) she decided that talking about sexual intercourse and intimacy was more appropriate (my abuse was from sexual abuse). Understandably, I have a fear of both and she wanted to address this however, she said that I should work on that.... HOW can I work on that if I dont address the underlying problems first??! she went on about this for at least half the session and that my fiance will get frustrated if I don't....She really doesn't know us. Yeah, he gets frustrated sometimes but how is this going to help me?!

I feel worse! she has make me worse and I didn't even think that was possible at this point, when I already feel at my worst! She spent most of the session saying really cold things to me and when I tried to explain myself she didn't let me talk!

I'm not sure where to go from here....she was my last resort at therapy! Ive been everywhere and no where else deals with PTSD!!!! I feel lost, on my own and like there is no where I can turn to for help and support (professionally). Im on the verge of giving up looking for a therapist because I don't think I will find one :( Should I continue to see her?

Does any one have any advice? What self-help methods have you used? I think I will need to start using self-help methods but have never done so before, so please, any advice would be useful. At this point I'm willing to try anything.

 

[.Bubbles.]

Oh, Panda. :(

Like I said to you in chat - I think this T is disgusting! She should not be in this job. It is not your fault that your family are not supportive. It is not your fault what happened to you, or that you didn't tell at the time. So many victims do not tell.

And let me get this straight...she was putting preassure on you to have sex with your partner?! You are struggling with that as a sexual abuse survivour, and she's worried about him being sexually frustrated?! I cannot believe this woman. Your mental health comes before him being sexually frustrated. And if he's a good man, he will understand that.

I personally really think you should drop this T right away. I don't think she's good for your mental health. Don't give up, there's GOT to be better out there. :)

 

[KwanYingirl]

Holy crap, she is a loser!! No way, no how was your abuse your fault. Period. No discussion required.

Accounting is a difficult study. However you will make a very good living as an accountant with many choices of work environments. I applaud your ability to take this major and as you're in a rough patch right now, you may be tempted to drop it. My advice is to make it your focus. Do a Zen thing and let all else melt away from you as you finish your studies. In the long run, you will have a nice quality of life. To hell with your family and their disrespect, they're probably jealous of your intelligence.

Time for a new therapist. Any energy healers in your area? Like yoga, Reiki, Somatic Experiencing. Even massage therapy can brings tons of relief to the chaos of PTSD.

As for intimacy, this is a major problem for victims of CSA. An open, honest discussion with your partner will go light years farther than that therapists notion that you are to blame. Your abuser is to blame, not you. I had two successful intimate relationships even though I never revealed my history to either of them. They were simply kind, patient, handsome men and I felt safe with them.

God, get rid of that chick she hasn't got a clue.

 

[Friday]

1) I think it's fairly safe to say that this place doesn't deal with PTSD, either.

2) Would you give a random person on the streets as much... Weight... In what they say as you've given her words weight? Or would you roll your eyes because they're clearly idiots and don't have any idea about what they're saying, take nothing they say to heart, and ignore them? If the second, consider that you may be assigning an awful lot of trust/respect/consideration/weight to her words, because of what you felt for your old therapist. Transfer. Because you trusted and valued your old T, you're trusting and valuing the opinion of this idiot. If the first? Well, that's another set of issues.

3) I suspect you may find yourself pleasantly surprised... That while this was shocking, it may have not only not undone the work you've spent a year on in an hour. It can feel that way, but the pure and simple fact that you're arguing with the guilt and shame, instead of agreeing as a matter of course is a good sign. You spent months learning that XYZ isn't your fault. 1 person tells you it is, and part of you agrees. But all of you? It doesn't look like it. It looks like most of you is ticked off and standing up for yourself. That's not undone. That's tested in adversity. And coming out on top.

 

[joeylittle]

Well, she sounds like a really terrible therapist. Please, remember that she was a really terrible therapist. I remember when I went to my first really terrible therapist, I still felt like somehow they were right and I was wrong (because they're the expert, aren't they?). Nope. She's just terrible.

For self-help: if you haven't done any DBT, or haven't spent any real time on it, there are workbooks you can do. I like this one: Dead Link Removed. The whole concept of DBT looks simple but it takes a ton of practice and it's really effective.

Same goes for Trauma-based CBT therapy. CBT is officially recognized for treating PTSD and DBT is not; but DBT is more effective for the mood disorders that often accompany PTSD, in my experience. It's a bit more practical.

This book: Dead Link Removed is a somatic-based therapy by Peter Levine; he's well-credentialed and I thought the book was really smart. I don't do so well with guided CDs for this stuff, so it wasn't for me, but you might like it.

You can also investigate therapy on-line. I don't know anything about going about finding a good one, but for many people, this is a godsend.

It's great that you are going to keep yourself working on this, and you should trust yourself, trust your instincts, and absolutely never go back to that terrible horrible no-good therapist.

 

[Chava]

Goodness, dump her fast! She has her own yucky problems that seem to involve wanting to crush her own clients (wtf). I'm sorry you had to endure that. It's harder being invalidated by someone we assume can understand or support us. That just really sucks.

Meanwhile, try not to think about being out of options. You are not necessarily in your same situation forever. I don't use a load of self-help, but workbooks (like noted above), journaling, artwork, staying connected to support groups and supportive people, exercise...all helps. I don't know how totally isolated you are, but I live in a pretty rural location and travel quite a ways to see my therapist in the city. So I typically can't see her more than a couple times a month, sometimes it's been once every three weeks...but that's worth meeting with an incompetent therapist really close to home.

 

[scout86]

There's a saying here in the US that, in this case, would go, "Where'd she get her diploma? A Cracker Jacks box?" (Cracker Jack is a kind of carameled popcorn that comes in a box with a "free surprise" inside. Usually some kind of cheap plastic toy.) If the world needs someone to write a book on "how not to do a therapy session" this person is obviously a prospect!

Sorry it went that way! @FridayJones is right, just because this person claims to be a therapist, doesn't mean they're right or that you need to believe them. It also doesn't mean that your old T was wrong. (You might want to email your old T, if you can, just to get confirmation of that.)

When I read "families don't blame the victim" I nearly choked on the coffee I was drinking. When I read where she went from THERE...... never mind......

Anyway, I think, if you can't find an online resource, you might be better off finding a compassionate therapist who wants to expand and get some experience with PTSD and deal with them. There's a first time for everything and it's not necessarily bad. The person you were dealing with, IMO, ought to be evaluated by her professional organization and either get remedial training or her license yanked.

YOU, on the other hand, are fine, not at fault, and will do a great job of WHATEVER you decide to do, accounting or otherwise. You showed a lot of dedication and determination looking for a therapist where you're at. Sorry it turned out that way.

 

[Reds]

I'm so sorry Panda, I would have probably walked out on her. Get another therapist. (((Hugs)))

 

[shell]

I'd ask for a refund, she needs to rethink her career. Obviously has her own agenda, and it's not to heal people. Anyone can be a therapist, chalk it up to experience and don't take her issues on board.

There are alot of therapist out there, and like any profession you have the really bad and exceptionally good ones, and she really sucked.

As for the accounting, I work in that field and have no issues with functioning well in my job, but many issues that relate to my abuse, ptsd and it's affects on me in my personal life. Don't let some idiot determine who you will be. I'm sure you will be perfectly fine, you didn't get to where you are without resilence and being very capable. I look at things very analytically in my job, but when it comes to facing my past and dealing with it, that's a whole other issue.

"Really families don't blame the victim?" Maybe not in her family, but let's face it you don't have her family, she presumes to know everything about you in one session, she must be a very special person.

Well done for being analytical enough to know she wasn't up to the task. Perhaps there is a reason why she was the only one available, because she can't keep her clients. Is it possible to be put a wait list with someone else, or try online somewhere else?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Wow, that's horrible. I am so sorry you had to go through that. You should definitely not believe her. You've worked hard previously- trust that work. You said that there is no one where you live that deals with PTSD, but maybe you could find a therapist willing to at least help you though the here and now. You know, a real therapist. I am sure even one that doesn't deal with PTSD specifically but is competent would at least be helpful for support. Online might be an option, too.

 

[ghotiff]

To me this is another example of "no T is better than having a bad T".

You know she was lousy and out of line. Please listen to yourself and ignore her comments.

 

[risingsun]

Swords,
As I had been saying in our conversation, walk away from this therapist and do not look back. Or as that therapy test said, sprint! She totally failed that therapist test we had been talking about. Do not take anything this incompetent woman said to heart. She is forming opinions from "her warped narrow mind" regarding your past, present, and future when she should be listening with empathy and compassion and an open mind.

You have accomplished so much under so much adversity. Feel proud of what you have done and how far you have come, not only academically but as a compassionate person despite so many things that have happened to you. Do not let her discourage you from your current life goals. I am so so upset that this is still upsetting you. That woman should have her license yanked. Do not go back. She re-traumatized you!

If there are no specific PTSD therapists in your area, could you travel a bit further to find one? Or could you maybe see one that doesn't necessarily specialize in PTSD but maybe specializes in depression and anxiety? Who knows? You may find someone great! Keep the Faith Swords. You have been through so much in your past and in the last few months. Stay strong.

As we had talked about, I have also been out of therapy for about 3 months. I have just been trying to put myself into my work head on, trying to exercise, and trying to distract myself from thinking about it. Often, when we let go of the search (for whatever we are searching for), we find it. Maybe "let go" for a little bit to relax down from the search and then try again.
Warmest always to you Swords. You will make it through this. Rising

p.s. Whenever I encounter someone with such negative energy, I always sage myself. Pick up some sage at any metaphysical store.