I Lost My Girfriends Trust

[tsadlerj]

To start off, my girlfriend has PTSD and she is BPD. To say that our relationship has been a roller coaster ride of emotions would be an understatement. But I love her more than any woman I have ever loved before and would do anything for her.

With that being said, recently she wasn't doing well. She was suicidal. I didn't know what to do. I was at work. I should have left. I know I should have. But I didn't. Instead I talked to her cousin and asked him to go have a talk with her. He did, and she kicked him out. I then left work and picked up her best friend and brought her to our house. They talked, but she was still pissed and still suicidal. The next day she broke up with me. The day after that she was in real bad shape. I firmly believe that if I had left the house I would have came home to find her dead. We ended up going to the hospital and got some help and more importantly, some hope.

Things went well for a week. We got really close. Then just yesterday she got upset with me. Her mother had asked how we were doing. As it turns out, her cousin told her mom that we have been having problems. Her cousin texted me to check on how we were doing last week and I told him that she broke up with me. She got so pissed that I told him that. She said that I should have said fine, despite the fact that she had broken up with me.

She got so upset that I told him but didn't tell her. She takes it like I was lying to her. I don't think that I lied to her. But I didn't tell her that I told him. She takes that as the same thing. Either way, she has now broken up with me again and i can't reason with her. She says that she can't trust me anymore. I don't know what to do. I love her so much

 

[anthony]

Wow... PTSD + BPD... I'm surprised she holds a relationship, period. You must be one very understanding and tolerable guy.

 

[shandemonium]

You are NEVER responsible for another person's suicide (or attempts).

You did what you could and you still took action. You seem like a really good guy and my first gut reaction was to hope that you are ok, not so much her... I feel weirdly compelled to mention that I'm a dyke and not just taking "guy's side" or "girl's side" here, I see two human beings in this, that's all.

Just remember that you are not a punching bag and no one has the right to manipulate you no matter how much pain they are in.

All of us here on this website, whether we were abused by people, or the government (ie combat vets) our abusers were not created in a vacuum of time and space. They had abusers too, but that's no excuse. My point here can best be illustrated by a personal story:

When I was a kid my mom played what I call the "suicide game" in that she used me, her child, to get the attention she wanted by constantly threatening to kill herself. She would tell me I was going to find her hanging when I came home from school (in 3rd grade). She would get a kitchen knife and put it to her wrist while I was grabbing and sobbing to stop her. All kinds of 'fun' games like that.

To this day, she still uses suicide in this very way only I won't listen anymore. My sister had the balls to say "you want me to get the gun?" But then again, she's my sis from our father and it wasn't her mother saying that stuff (we have different moms)

I also know 2 people who really did commit suicide. Thing is, they never said a word beforehand. Not one word.

I don't know your gf and I am trying not to make a snap judgement, but please also take care of yourself. People do use suicide as a manipulation, especially bi-polar people...

Keep in contact with us here on this site, we are here for you

 

[joeylittle]

But I love her more than any woman I have ever loved before and would do anything for her.

I think the best thing you could do for her (maybe) would involve not enabling her Borderline traits - that push/pull I'm with you/go away thing is probably the Borderline need to maintain drama and intensity in relationships. It sounds like her suicidality might have been the same thing.

I was at work. I should have left. I know I should have. But I didn't. Instead I talked to her cousin and asked him to go have a talk with her. He did, and she kicked him out. I then left work and picked up her best friend and brought her to our house. They talked, but she was still pissed and still suicidal. The next day she broke up with me. The day after that she was in real bad shape

One way to read this is that she was angry you didn't leave work; you did a perfectly responsible thing, ask her cousin to talk to her. She kicked him out because she wanted you, not just someone to talk to. You went and got her best friend, and that still wasn't what she wanted. She broke up with you the next day to punish you. Then she was in worse shape, which pulled you back in.

I'm not trying to say she's a horrible person - borderline is a really tough disorder. The next time she threatens suicide, don't even think about it - call 911. And you need to take care of yourself too - you might want to get some therapy just for you. Personally, I don't think she's capable of any relationships right now, but if you want to help her, definitely don't get pulled in by the drama, and try to get her into therapy.