If you have given up self medicating with alcohol, what happened, how did you manage? What should my beautiful sufferer expect?
The base of my question is : How physically and emotionally taxing is going on the wagon and can you still function in the work place?
Though it’s more complicated than that and I’ll explain below.
I original posted this in the carers section, but I what I would actually like some experienced based advice and insight from sufferers who have chronically self medicated and/or used alcohol in excess, particularly prior to professional treatment.
My love is not 'on' the wagon -- yet. He is a chef and functioning very well as a chef when he is at the job. And has 8 weeks of his contract left before he is due to move overseas. It's on his day off or knock-off time when he drinks too much. It's during the night when he has a million nightmares when he self medicates. It is in his self that he has PTSD, the people at work just think he's just a normally "crazed" chef. And they all love him (his co-workers). So much so they don't even care when he turns up an hour late when he has been self medicating -- Such is the industry of hospitality.
I was going to leave it till he got at least to Asia where we will be spending 2 months together, but lately based on some somewhat disturbing incidences he has had over there, I’ve been feeling a strong urge to discuss these concerns with him one way or another. He knows I am frustrated with him at the moment about it too, though I have not addressed it specifically and he keeps sending me texts promising he is being good, which I don’t believe for a second – we’ve both starkly different definitions of “being good” when it comes to drinking.
I want to talk with him about it in the next few days possibly even tomorrow and I don't want to get my own head messed up with guilt in the process. As I have expressed in my other thread regarding the story of our love and his battle with PTSD, he and I are fully aware he needs help and treatment. He’d like to get going with it now but it is simply not a practical option right at this particular stage of the calendar. He is immigrating to Australia, and is due to leave Canada in 8 weeks -- so he won't be commencing at kind of western treatment any time soon, although we are looking into what kind of healing he can get when he gets to Asia where he will stay until his papers come through for Australia -- north America is too expensive for him and he really needs a break from work. On top of that, they (Australian immigration) don't grant bridging visas for offshore skills visa immigration applications. His ability to turn up to work at the moment rests on this. IE. The money he is earning at the moment is paving the way to his future, immigrating to Australia to be with me and to start treatment. This is all set in stone, this is what is going to happen, for the next 8 weeks he needs to make money, his future depends on it.
With that info out of the way we are both fully aware he is self medicating regularly ( perhaps every other week). In addition he is also drinking socially as we all do. On top of that the lines are blurred by his profession, his age (24) and his location - he works in a ski resort, if anyone knows what the hospitality industry is like, drinking heavily especially in a party like resort environment , drinking is accepted and considered by most as part and parcel. I know this very well as most of my family are chefs, they work long hours and knock off drink is rarely in a singular. So you see, there is a lot of booze in his system, a dry out even if he didn't have PTSD would almost certainly make him sick for a while. If he's sick, he can't work, if he can't work, he won't have money, if he does not have money he can't get treatment, and so the cycle continues. Good treatment comes at a very high cost.
Despite all this, he is very physically fit and works out at the gym a great deal, he is strong and lean and eats really well.
What I am getting at is this:
Given the above information, and his condition, would it be sound/fair advice to advise him to get "on" the wagon for the next 8 weeks?
Would it be sound/fair advice, that given he MUST save this money in order to be in a situation where he can get treatment as it costs MONEY to tell him to stop drinking?
I am in two frames of mind:
1/ I feel like he is making some progress with me in our conversations etc, then he promises to get his journal happening to help him get some self treatment happening. Then on his day off he turns into 'party' man, or every now and then he turns into "pity" man. Both are starting to piss me off and concern me at the moment. a/ I feel like the energy I am investing is wasted. b/I have concerns he will not get his shit together in time.
2/ And then on the other hand. If he does stop drinking, my concerns are that he will freak out, maybe get physically sick from the de-tox, lose his shit, not make the bank in time for the deadline and it will all go up in flames. Baring in mind he has managed to get this far, surely another 8 weeks ‘aint going to be a major player in comparison to the bigger picture here?
His job is not a normal job, its high pressure it takes a lot of energy to do it (14 hour days over a hot stove and peoples stupidity and inconsistency turn chefs into very stressed individuals -- on the job.) It's good stress for someone like him for the most part, but it makes knock off drinks all the more welcome, and for someone like him, I'm sure you see what I am saying.
He has been drinking like this for some time -- it's not a new thing. It's just it is concerning me more now because I really need him to make the bank in time. He must immigrate to Australia. I am not interested in advice about getting treatment where he is, it's not going to happen, he has no family, he wants to be near me when he gets treatment. His immigrating to Australia is going to be a major part of his treatment -- this is where he calls home, this is where his loved ones are ( not just me), this is all he wants for now.
All relevant in put greatly appreciated. Since I don't have alcoholism and nor have I helped or witnessed first hand anyone close to me come off the wagon. I can't help considering it myself ( I have gone through a brief period (two years) of depression induced self- medication myself, but it was marijuana and I managed to do my job. Booze, well I used to drink a lot, but fortunately I don't have the capacity to "put it away" and could probably still do my job if I did (I'm an editor and could read under water), so I have little to relate to.
There are a lot of chefs in my social circle, and there are also a lot of chefs who have speed, caffeine and cocaine additions in the industry on top of their alcoholism. It's a full on industry -- you only have to watch Gordon Ramsays kitchen on TV to work that out.
Anyway, all I am asking is, and please give me your opinion not what you THINK you should morally say, or whatever, as a sufferer.
I would like to know, (particularly from sufferers who have battled with self medication using booze) if you think that given the above situation, I should leave him to do what he's always done for anther 8 weeks. IE: treat the symptoms (not ideal, but possibly the most realistic) or should I be encouraging him to go clean as of now?
It's a tricky one, which is why I need advice. He is very influenced by my advice. At the moment, my brain is arguing with my intuition and my heart over what I should do, and both have compelling arguments. I don’t want to be telling him something I don't feel 100% about, particularly as I am sure it will result in quite an emotional passionate discussion about it and our future together. :dontknow:
A large percentage of his future happiness (and mine) is really hanging on the money he makes in the next 8 weeks.
I'm after advice based your own experience here, not what you think you "should" say.
Thanks.
The base of my question is : How physically and emotionally taxing is going on the wagon and can you still function in the work place?
Though it’s more complicated than that and I’ll explain below.
I original posted this in the carers section, but I what I would actually like some experienced based advice and insight from sufferers who have chronically self medicated and/or used alcohol in excess, particularly prior to professional treatment.
My love is not 'on' the wagon -- yet. He is a chef and functioning very well as a chef when he is at the job. And has 8 weeks of his contract left before he is due to move overseas. It's on his day off or knock-off time when he drinks too much. It's during the night when he has a million nightmares when he self medicates. It is in his self that he has PTSD, the people at work just think he's just a normally "crazed" chef. And they all love him (his co-workers). So much so they don't even care when he turns up an hour late when he has been self medicating -- Such is the industry of hospitality.
I was going to leave it till he got at least to Asia where we will be spending 2 months together, but lately based on some somewhat disturbing incidences he has had over there, I’ve been feeling a strong urge to discuss these concerns with him one way or another. He knows I am frustrated with him at the moment about it too, though I have not addressed it specifically and he keeps sending me texts promising he is being good, which I don’t believe for a second – we’ve both starkly different definitions of “being good” when it comes to drinking.
I want to talk with him about it in the next few days possibly even tomorrow and I don't want to get my own head messed up with guilt in the process. As I have expressed in my other thread regarding the story of our love and his battle with PTSD, he and I are fully aware he needs help and treatment. He’d like to get going with it now but it is simply not a practical option right at this particular stage of the calendar. He is immigrating to Australia, and is due to leave Canada in 8 weeks -- so he won't be commencing at kind of western treatment any time soon, although we are looking into what kind of healing he can get when he gets to Asia where he will stay until his papers come through for Australia -- north America is too expensive for him and he really needs a break from work. On top of that, they (Australian immigration) don't grant bridging visas for offshore skills visa immigration applications. His ability to turn up to work at the moment rests on this. IE. The money he is earning at the moment is paving the way to his future, immigrating to Australia to be with me and to start treatment. This is all set in stone, this is what is going to happen, for the next 8 weeks he needs to make money, his future depends on it.
With that info out of the way we are both fully aware he is self medicating regularly ( perhaps every other week). In addition he is also drinking socially as we all do. On top of that the lines are blurred by his profession, his age (24) and his location - he works in a ski resort, if anyone knows what the hospitality industry is like, drinking heavily especially in a party like resort environment , drinking is accepted and considered by most as part and parcel. I know this very well as most of my family are chefs, they work long hours and knock off drink is rarely in a singular. So you see, there is a lot of booze in his system, a dry out even if he didn't have PTSD would almost certainly make him sick for a while. If he's sick, he can't work, if he can't work, he won't have money, if he does not have money he can't get treatment, and so the cycle continues. Good treatment comes at a very high cost.
Despite all this, he is very physically fit and works out at the gym a great deal, he is strong and lean and eats really well.
What I am getting at is this:
Given the above information, and his condition, would it be sound/fair advice to advise him to get "on" the wagon for the next 8 weeks?
Would it be sound/fair advice, that given he MUST save this money in order to be in a situation where he can get treatment as it costs MONEY to tell him to stop drinking?
I am in two frames of mind:
1/ I feel like he is making some progress with me in our conversations etc, then he promises to get his journal happening to help him get some self treatment happening. Then on his day off he turns into 'party' man, or every now and then he turns into "pity" man. Both are starting to piss me off and concern me at the moment. a/ I feel like the energy I am investing is wasted. b/I have concerns he will not get his shit together in time.
2/ And then on the other hand. If he does stop drinking, my concerns are that he will freak out, maybe get physically sick from the de-tox, lose his shit, not make the bank in time for the deadline and it will all go up in flames. Baring in mind he has managed to get this far, surely another 8 weeks ‘aint going to be a major player in comparison to the bigger picture here?
His job is not a normal job, its high pressure it takes a lot of energy to do it (14 hour days over a hot stove and peoples stupidity and inconsistency turn chefs into very stressed individuals -- on the job.) It's good stress for someone like him for the most part, but it makes knock off drinks all the more welcome, and for someone like him, I'm sure you see what I am saying.
He has been drinking like this for some time -- it's not a new thing. It's just it is concerning me more now because I really need him to make the bank in time. He must immigrate to Australia. I am not interested in advice about getting treatment where he is, it's not going to happen, he has no family, he wants to be near me when he gets treatment. His immigrating to Australia is going to be a major part of his treatment -- this is where he calls home, this is where his loved ones are ( not just me), this is all he wants for now.
All relevant in put greatly appreciated. Since I don't have alcoholism and nor have I helped or witnessed first hand anyone close to me come off the wagon. I can't help considering it myself ( I have gone through a brief period (two years) of depression induced self- medication myself, but it was marijuana and I managed to do my job. Booze, well I used to drink a lot, but fortunately I don't have the capacity to "put it away" and could probably still do my job if I did (I'm an editor and could read under water), so I have little to relate to.
There are a lot of chefs in my social circle, and there are also a lot of chefs who have speed, caffeine and cocaine additions in the industry on top of their alcoholism. It's a full on industry -- you only have to watch Gordon Ramsays kitchen on TV to work that out.
Anyway, all I am asking is, and please give me your opinion not what you THINK you should morally say, or whatever, as a sufferer.
I would like to know, (particularly from sufferers who have battled with self medication using booze) if you think that given the above situation, I should leave him to do what he's always done for anther 8 weeks. IE: treat the symptoms (not ideal, but possibly the most realistic) or should I be encouraging him to go clean as of now?
It's a tricky one, which is why I need advice. He is very influenced by my advice. At the moment, my brain is arguing with my intuition and my heart over what I should do, and both have compelling arguments. I don’t want to be telling him something I don't feel 100% about, particularly as I am sure it will result in quite an emotional passionate discussion about it and our future together. :dontknow:
A large percentage of his future happiness (and mine) is really hanging on the money he makes in the next 8 weeks.
I'm after advice based your own experience here, not what you think you "should" say.
Thanks.
