Is It Better To Reflect On Traumas Or Block Them Out?

[Cool Cat]

I have begun processing my childhood in the last month of therapy. Before then I had 'split' myself off from it and was very numb.
Now I am less numb, I'm probably a bit more depressed.
I used to block it all out and that wasn't healthy, I took to things like self-harming and over-working to achieve that.
I have just spent the best part of a day reflecting on various things that happened to me when I was young.
I've wasted a whole day and I don't feel I've really benefited from it.
Of course, I can't split myself from it but it can't occupy my life.
How do you do it? I am on one side of the spectrum or the other.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I don't know, i could never keep it up, I had periods when I could shove it deep enough to work, and like now, a week of deep depression. Don't know much of managing schedule.

 

[Jane.l]

Therapy makes you very introspective - I don't think there is too much you can do about it - if there is I haven't found it !

 

[sun seeker]

I'm not sure reflecting as such is a good thing to spend a lot of time on, beyond what you need to do to reframe what happened to you as abuse (assuming that is what you are talking about) and not something wrong with you, which is what abused children almost invariably do. It is in that reframing stage that traditional talk therapy can be helpful.

Once you've done that, the point of no longer blocking out your memories is so you can process and release the emotions connected with them. Emotions are stored in the body and holding them in causes all kinds of physical and emotional problems. At that point, you need a method like EMDR or bodywork or something like that to release the emotions in a safe environment so you don't get retraumatized.

It's not as straightforward as that of course, and there is lots of going back and forth between being blocked and being more aware. But you never go back to being as blocked as you were in the beginning. You swing back and forth many times in the healing process until you can be conscious of the trauma all the time while still feeling fully alive and not having it take over your life. That's the idea, anyway. I'm not there yet.

 

[Cool Cat]

I just get really depressed when I reflect on how I just didn't have a childhood...
But blocking it out isn't much better?
And when you decide "Okay I actually need to go work" how do you do that?

 

[Cool Cat]

Therapy makes you very introspective - I don't think there is too much you can do about it - if there is I haven't found it !

Yeah that's really true. TBH my whole life seems to be revolving around a once a week session and I really don't like that.

At that point, you need a method like EMDR or bodywork or something like that to release the emotions in a safe environment so you don't get retraumatized.

Very VERY true. My T wants me to do body work and I want to but I feel too embarrassed doing it, even trying it. What can I do about that?

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I hate the bullies. They have some problems at home so they have a harsh childhood, and for that they take away other's childhoods.

 

[sun seeker]

I just get really depressed when I reflect on how I just didn't have a childhood...

If course you do. That's normal. Can you look at what's underneath the depression? Depression is usually anger turned inward because expressing it is too dangerous - or we've gotten used to believing that it's too dangerous, because at the time we started getting depressed it really was. For a small child to try to get the love she needs and get abuse and neglect instead really is depressing. But if you can find the anger underneath that, the indignation for that child who deserved better, there's some energy there.

And when you decide "Okay I actually need to go work" how do you do that?

So you're asking how to go numb again at will. I'm someone who spends a lot of time in that numb state. Anyone else?

 

[Cool Cat]

If course you do. That's normal. Can you look at what's underneath the depression? Depression is usually anger turned inward because expressing it is too dangerous - or we've gotten used to believing that it's too dangerous, because at the time we started getting depressed it really was.
So you're asking how to go numb again at will. I'm someone who spends a lot of time in that numb state. Anyone else?

Yeah. I am trying to get angry. I want to get angry. I think if I can 'get over' myself, whatever it is that's stopping me.
I've spent a lot of time in that state too.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I can keep the voices, the memories and feelings away during the day, when I know that she is near, but during night I get reallydepressed and anxious.
Though due to lack of sleep I cant keep cool always at school.

 

[Cool Cat]

during night I get really depressed and anxious.

Same with me buddy

 

[The Albatross]

Personally I stopped blocking and started reflecting on the traumas with an adult mind... and dealt separately with the depression. Ultimately I decided defensive living was not in my best interests. Uncomfortablity or stress/anxiety producing things aren't easy but they were/are better in the longer term for me at any rate.