New T Says I May Not Have Ptsd

[Ghostybear73]

Oh wait, I do have emotion.......ANGER. I shall get off my soapbox now, I was wrong

 

[Sandstone]

I wonder if it's just that I've had to tell the outline to so many people over that last four years? I wrote a list a while ago and there were 20+. There have been another 4 since. I just think about the labels not the events

With the T i did like and trust, I did once cry. She commented that I'd composed myself faster than anyone she'd ever seen. In real life that would be a good thing; in the wonky world of PTSD it seems to be bad

 

[WillyKat]

Yes, PTSD is a wonky world. Composing oneself is valued in society at large, but it isn't really healthy. Letting out the grief is important to the healing process, but we grow up learning to suppress it all.

I've only cried in therapy once and for only a couple of seconds. Privately, I cry more.

 

[Sandstone]

I don't cry much at home either. It just gives me a headache

 

[sun seeker]

She said that if I had PTD I wouldn't have been able to name them without reacting and showing feelings. She suggested I might have trauma not PTSD, but that sounds daft to me - if they aren't evoking a response then they aren't traumas, they are just bad experiences.

That's... how can I put this politely? Anyway, it sounds like she doesn't know what she's talking about. A therapist who doesn't understand dissociation. Grr. If I were you, I would be looking for a therapist better trained in trauma therapy. I know that's easier said than done.

 

[Ronin]

I.. don't really think she's entitled to make that call upon a second meeting.

Not even speaking about how without knowledge about dissociation that sounds. Just... no.

There's nothing wrong with you for expressing yourself however you are.

 

[Kintsugi]

WOW. I am so confused by this. The T is saying that you didn't have enough emotion? Or was saying that you shouldn't have been able to talk about your trauma like that?

I'm shocked. I'm nearly speechless.

I have gotten to the point where I can speak pretty flippantly in broad terms about my abuse to the right audience. If anything, I have *always* exhibited a lack of emotion about my trauma when speaking, and I very rarely cried in therapy. The only time I cried unapologetically and openly with my T was over the phone a few years ago, eight years after first sitting down in her office! The first time I cried in front of her would have had to have been a couple years minimum after meeting her.

I am actually typically repulsed by disclosing my trauma to someone who will be emotional about it. I have real trouble with people having an emotional reaction to my trauma, and I will try to shut them down if I see them getting too warm and fuzzy about it, because my goal is to stay as cold as possible while speaking about it.

I am frankly outraged that this T would say you might not have PTSD because of these factors. I can't help but take it somewhat personally. If I'm understanding what was said correctly, I think that is complete BS.

 

[darrenS]

as much as there are experienced therapists , there are also inexperienced ones.. i have been to several therapists knowing i was already diagnosed , what i found was many many therapists with the credentials but no insight or true understanding. PTSD came into vogue only recently and as such many of therapists attend courses to learn how to treat it and due to this , there are a lot of textbook therapist out there. I would simply get a second opinion without stressing too much about one persons opinion. I ask my therapists two important questions....what training they did ...and most importantly ...whether they receive supervision and advice regularly from their peers.

 

[sun seeker]

I have gotten to the point where I can speak pretty flippantly in broad terms about my abuse to the right audience. If anything, I have *always* exhibited a lack of emotion about my trauma when speaking, and I very rarely cried in therapy.

Yes, exactly. I can tell stories about what you would think were my worst traumas almost like talking about the weather as long as it's with people I sense can handle it. I'm so disconnected from it that it doesn't really feel as if I were talking about myself. Conversely, get me talking about feeling neglected and like my family and other significant people don't care, and I start crying convulsively and can't stop. That sounds like what your therapist would call enough emotion to rate as trauma, but the thing is the more traumatic the memory, the less I am connected to it. I think. Anyway, I've known others who are the same way so there must be something to it. Seriously, I'd be looking for a different therapist.

 

[joeylittle]

That is exactly what I went to her for. I know it's the way ahead. I'm determined that I will talk about it. But I've been stuck before by my inability to find some emotions beyond bewilderment that I could be so inadequate.

I think this is the reason you are in therapy, and you should keep doing therapy. If you feel comfortable with her, stay with her. I understand being emotionally disconnected from the things; when I just started working on my stuff, there were things I would talk about and not feel anything, and wonder if that meant enough time had gone by that they weren't a problem anymore. Nope. I still needed to work on them.

But it took a few sessions getting into the detail of something for me to actually start to identify any kind of emotional response. I still don't really "feel" emotion in my body, I don't know how people do that. Anyway - you are ill, you're there for a reason. Work on the trauma. You won't know anything more til you start digging in and doing the work. Neither will she. I think she spoke prematurely, and I kind of don't understand where she's coming from, but that doesn't mean you don't need to be in therapy working this stuff out so you can get here:

I want to get on with it. I want to be able to go out, do stuff, be glad to see my family.

 

[Ghostybear73]

@joeylittle, you are an amazing person. :)

 

[Sandstone]

Today I feel weak and destroyed and vulnerable. But I feel it at home, after time has passed. I want to hide

I have no idea if I feel it in relation to talking about the trauma, or in relation to what she said, which to me sounded like blame for my inadequacy.