Relationship My bf says i am the cause of his ptsd

[lostforgottensoul]

None of us know what this guy's story is. He may have ptsd from a trauma we know nothing about.

Sure he can. But:

About a year later he finally spoke up about all his feelings and he was diagnosed with PTSD as well. He says that night is what caused it, therefore making me the root of his problems.

Bolded for emphasis.

That doesn't cause PTSD. There is a criteria for what can and what cannot cause PTSD. There is a thread some time ago questioning on why there's a criteria for what trauma can and cannot cause PTSD and if it's actually helpful or correct and why we need it. This shit is why we need it. This shit right here.

@Friday, I adore your analogies! Hit the nail on the head there!

@Dancer055, I echo what everyone else said. He cannot have PTSD from this. This isn't even close to what can cause PTSD. I think his actions and the way he's treating you reminds us all of our abusers in one way or another. He is an abuser. A manipulator. You need to ask yourself if you are ok being treated this way for the remainder of your life. And IT WILL get worse! And a PTSD sufferer won't ask a signinifcant other to make sure we eat or to do the things he's asking of you. I wouldn't anyway. I personally don't want a SO to worry about me at all and I would want my symptoms to impact them, their life, and our relationship as least as absolutely possible.

You sound young. But you are headed down the path of domestic violence. It sounds like your self essteem is in the toliet and he is taking advantage of that. Please run for this situation before you become a statistic for domestic violence!

 

[EveHarrington]

I’m sitting here wondering where the avoidance comes in?

 

[shimmerz]

*Clears throat* May I ask? Now that he has accused you of ruining his life because he has PTSD.... does that make you responsible for fixing the PTSD for him? Or rather is it just a segway into the 'let's have my beloved feel guilty for the rest of her life' thing?

I am a bit bitter in this scenario. I can't believe how much harder I had to work on getting my PTSD. If I had of known there was a PTSD Easy Street Method, I would have chosen that instead.

 

[AprilMel_]

98% sure my ex fiance lied about having PTSD as so much has came out in recent time which would completely dispute his stories. I'm also 99% sure my ex fiance is a sociopath reflecting on everything with the hindsight I have now.

I only read the title of this post because I don't have time to read the post. But my fiance used to say I was the reason he is the way he is. He said that on several occasions. He blamed me for everything, actually. Just my initial thoughts upon reading the title.

 

[Sweetpea76]

People seem to want to have PTSD as a kind of quantifier or measure of trauma, as in "my divorce was SO BAD it gave me PTSD". Then unqualified and uniformed counselors diagnose, exacerbating the situation. It is frustrating.

It's not a measure of trauma, it's a specificity.

 

[shimmerz]

"my divorce was SO BAD it gave me PTSD"

I think it may depend on the divorce. My divorce was so bad that I got PTSD. I have over a 1000 pages of diary (and another million pages in my mind) of how divorce can be that bad.

 

[EveHarrington]

Yeah but it’s not the actual divorce that gives ptsd, it’s the criterion A trauma that sometimes accompanies divorce that can give someone ptsd.

 

[mumstheword]

My ex blamed me for ruining his music career because I got a dysentery-type illness (I didn't get medical care so not sure exactly what it was, but it involved terrifying delirium) and pleaded with him not to leave me alone in our shack with our 5 small children, including a new born baby, and he had to cancel a recording session. I copped that for the next 12 years, how I destroyed his music career.

No care about me, (or you) just blame.

It's abuse. It's manipulation. It's not true. It's not loving.