Survivors Of Abusive Marriages

[StellaBlue]

Don't get me wrong, I have no delusions about some people suffering more or going through more trauma, but at the same time I don't think anyone can say that domestic violence trauma is "less" than childhood trauma or combat trauma, because it isn't..

I am learning that there may be biosocial elements as well which may impact the ability to "recover" from trauma for different folks. My DBT group leaders talk about "highly sensitive people" who essentially have no (or little) emotional "skin"...add a life threatening trauma on top of this and I think maybe the ability to deal with it is reduced dramatically. Put that same person in a setting where there is no validation, no ability to process the trauma...and again...

I guess what I'm trying to say (like everyone else) is it's not simple or easy or "one size fits all".

And, as a very wise friend of mine likes to say, it's not "trauma Olympics"...you don't get a higher score for having the worst trauma.

 

[KwanYingirl]

The forum is a good place to practice talking about trauma. I don't think I'm the only one with PTSD that avoids talking about my traumas. In fact, it's a hallmark feature of PTSD. I guess there is a difference between whining and venting, but for people who need to gain mastery over their symptoms, I'd just like to be a safety net and help people with their own process. Likewise, the support I've received has been tremendous.

 

[shimmerz]

It may be as well that people who are currently in a DV situation and not ready to face it can't hear certain things or react to them. They may feel defensive or shut down when reminded of things that may affect their every day life. Add to that the rawness of our emotions (as likely there was much dismissal or humiliation and abuse in general) if we said a word while in the DV situation it is perhaps a poor mix (triggery) for some who are still working through (and possibly not even realizing it) their own issues with their partners.

 

[risingsun]

Is it less important than combat PTSD

Absolutely not, it is just as much a trauma! My mum has PTSD on top of agoraphobia because she was in a severely abusive marriage. He was more verbally abusive rather than physical. And because he left no bruises and did it behind closed doors to where his children were the only witnesses, people, and even her lawyers treated her/us like there was no issue. So really, up until this point she has received no validation for that which she went through. I am so sorry you are feeling the way you are but verbal abuse and/or physical in a marriage is just as much a trauma as anyone elses here. My prayers are with you, Rising Sun

 

[Little Flower]

Thank you risingsun. I was not looking for sympathy. Just some validation. I had childhood SA. Then marital abuse. Then horrible incidents with my parents until they died. I guess I pm ed someone thinking I was messaging moderator
Instead I made mistake out of confusion and inexperience and received a cold reply. I'm not going to let it get to me. I'm not stupid just new to the site
Regardless I will plough in through this mess. Thanks for responding. Ur very kind

 

[shimmerz]

New can be painful. I have definitely seen through your postings that you are not stupid. I had the same type of experience when new and I know others did as well. I commend you on your clear headed response by reaching out. Lots of people on this site (women and men) have suffered DV and DA. You did nothing wrong and for most, every experience (especially when thrown around in collaborative manner) can be such an opportunity to learn. Stick with those who appreciate your struggles and lend you a hand to help lift you higher.

 

[Little Flower]

Thank you. And for responding. Sometimes I can be very thin-skinned and over-react. I'm working on not worrying about what others think and not responding in anger
:hug:

 

[StarChild]

I'm not stupid just new to the site

Hi @Little Flower, as far as I know, no one said you're stupid... It is important to distinguish between what / how we feel and what others really have said / written. Or what we think the other might have meant by writing xyz... If you're not sure about something, just ask for clarification. That prevents us from unnecessary mistakes and frustration.

I guess I pm ed someone thinking I was messaging moderator Instead I made mistake out of confusion and inexperience and received a cold reply.

Did you try to message a mod because of forum matters? If yes, please note, that every question / problem about technical problems and questions should only be raised at the help desk. Not via PM and not via staff's personal profile page. The reasons are quite easy: The Help Desk works like a collecting tank for all kind of "problems" about forum matters. And everyone has access to that section, so everyone can read and learn. Sometimes members don't even have to ask "their" question, because others already dealt with it. (I myself read a lot in that section, before I even started to post, when I was new.)

The other reason is: Did you notice the information one can read in every response of the staff? It says: "Do not PC moderators about forum matters, as no response is given. All forum matters get raised in the Help Desk Forum" And this is for good reasons: Staff would get flooded with complaints, requests, questions and so on. And: they are not only staff but members too, like you and I. So by using the Help Desk to ask questions or report things, we respect staff's privacy.

Find the Help Desk:
https://www.myptsd.com/forums/help-desk-feedback.28/

I hope, my post helped to clear things a bit. :tup: