That Time Of Year Again

[SwordsPandaGirl]

This week is tough. I approach a anniversary of abuse. This time every year until January, everything gets worse. The reminder of Christmas approaching everywhere does not help. This time of loving and bringing people together, was never the case for me growing up and Christmas turned into a holiday to be feared, abused and hurt. 3 of my traumas occured from now till January, I feel this time of year is more bad than good and have 3 anniversaries to go through....

Even now, I cant enjoy the holiday. Is this the case for others? How do you get through this time of year?

 

[scout86]

This time of year is neither good nor bad, it just "IS". There may have been bad things that happened in the past, but it wasn't the time of year that caused them to happen when they did, It was people that caused them to be what and when they were. It's in your power to make a day mean what ever you want it to mean.

.There are times of the year that resonate with sad memories. I try to re-frame them somehow. I don't know what your current situation is like but, for example, the end of Nov. in the US, Thanksgiving is a big day that's usually a family celebration. Normally a huge meal where the family gathers at someone's house. The past few years, some friends and I have gone out to eat that day. Something we normally can't afford to do, but there are usually special deals available if you look and it's our form of celebrating. In different circumstances, I might chose to work at a community dinner for people who have nowhere else to go.

I guess what I'm saying is that we can chose to be stuck remembering Christmas' past or we can reinvent the day and give it a meaning of our own. It's a choice. I'm not saying you can magically change memories by deciding that you want to, just that you have the power to create new memories and associations going forward.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

It was people that caused them to be what and when they were. It's in your power to make a day mean what ever you want it to mean.

In total agreement with @scout86 here hun. We can all regain control of our lives, day at a time.

Here if you need a chat, :hug:s

 

[Friday]

I get hit pretty hard with anniversaries, and I can't even remember that they're coming / am bad with dates. But I still respond pretty dramatically from them.

The Autumn is simply hard for me. Even during good years sometime in Aug-Nov my insomnia would kick into gear for a few weeks to a few months. Then... October is bad. All of October. Right up until Halloween. Then it loops into a bad first part of November, until after Veterans Day.

Usually, after that, I'm golden. Last year, not so much. I kicked into a 5 month long panic attack, Nov-Feb with spikes worse than I've ever seen.

I don't even have any triggers. I've spent Oct in jungles and deserts and swamps and steppes... So why the heck am I responding to Oct up in boreal forest??? Light is different, sights and smells are different. There is nothing triggery about October where I live. Except there is. Shrug. Something hits and guts me.

This year is especially hard for me because of some outside stuff. Couldn't enjoy Halloween. Gonna try again with Thanksgiving and Christmas. But try is the most I'm asking of myself. Just getting through it is my mission.

 

[The Albatross]

Practice, patience, perseverance, persistence... planning and the optional (though I use it steadfastly) prayer.

I am in my last near traumatic break time now... October through Feb. I am not great but doing my responsibilities and a bit more. I am getting better at avoiding the cycling.. but it has been over 7 years. Sometimes time is a factor.

 

[Ronin]

I started keeping a calender of these 'anniversary' things with a few I trust. Keeping each other in check, because we're at various stages of 'I don't have the full recall of what went up / what exactly is the effing deal still with it, but I'm likely to be kind of mental.' I can't say it helped me not have these reactions, but it helped me feel lot more normal about them. Like they're just it. Reactions. Bad time, it's not a all-or-nothing situation, sit down self.

That said, around certain states' independence days & muslim holidays, I'm still pretty likely to crawl the f*ck out of earth with paranoia, no matter my current whereabouts. It just is. The best I can do about it is be with people I don't have to explain to even remotely, or that take one liners for enough 'f*ck off... don't you dare bastard, I need you' they are supposed to be. And pretend it's just.another.day.

 

[Karen12]

I reclaimed Christmas as a religious holiday. I have no family to celebrate with but I attend church services. The season is not about buying and eating for me anymore - I stopped shopping for/buying/accepting Christmas gifts long ago, although I do prepare myself a small dinner. Instead, it's a time to acknowledge the birth of Christ. The only gifts I buy are donated through my church to poor children. That is how I redesigned this time of year to create meaning for me independent of the history of abuse I had previously associated with it.

This is a horrible time of year for me, too: fall means my birthday, then right before Thanksgiving is the anniversary of the car accident that left me permanently disabled, then Thanksgiving which I usually spend alone or a day early with a friend (as they have their own families to go to on Thanksgiving). I am far from my home and miss all the cultural acknowledgement and traditions that I used to enjoy this time of year. Lots of reminders of loss and being alone. It's always very difficult but it's always gotten through. I have found it's very helpful to "give to myself" this time of year: a massage, or a (rare) salon visit, or a short trip somewhere. They're like hugs to yourself and I need extra hugs in the fall and winter.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I also have seasonal affective disorder so I take the vitamin D and use daylight bulbs in my lamps. I usually have the onset of depression with the end of Daylight Savings and it gets dark so early now, but this year I seem to be doing so much better and I do not know why.

Anniversary reactions used to be very hard on me but over the years and EMDR has really helped me out so much.

I am doing so much better with the holidays coming up because I now live with my daughter and my two granddaughters. The holidays are more about celebrating now. I so agree with scout on making the days our own.