Punched The Right One

[bell]

My concern here was that @otakujome actually liked the violence that he acted out. That is where things get blurry. Protecting yourself is one thing, but protecting yourself and then literally wanting to taste their blood is a whole different kettle of fish. That positive feeling is what I am addressing, not that he defended himself.

 

[Justmehere]

I don't have any pity for the bully.

I have had to use physical force to protect myself in the workplace and on the street. I felt some satisfaction that I was safe, but I had no joy in having to use physical force to protect myself. I have no desire or joy to bring violent harm to another living being.

Such joy is how some predators and abusers begin to develop.

Wanting to protect oneself is very different from wanting to murder and violently take the life of another through murder.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@bell
To taste the blood I meant really taste, I just wanted to know what it tasted like, out of random. I have suffered a lot due to that bastard and I just had a killer instinct spike at the moment. Complete control over my defense. I feel anger towards him and when the instinct spiked I just felt good for doing it. And then there were some unexpected natural predator feelings. Like a wolf, cornering a deer, ready to jump at it and bite off some meat. I am wierd of a person as many might notice, and I enjoyed seing that I overpowered the one that made me suffer, that made the memories come back. I don't feel pity for him, and this was one of first times in a while that I felt like I did something right, meaningful. I didn't run away, I didn't give up. I gave him a taste of his own medicine. But I am like that only towards the ones who wrong me that much.

 

[Justmehere]

Sounds like you are ok with this. Did you post with the intent to celebrate punching him, tasting blood in your mouth, and your reaction to punching him?

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I posted with intent to say that I'm proud that I stood up. The other things were side info that just happened. I didn't taste his blood, I just wanted to as I looked at how many drops there were around.

 

[Intrepid]

Still, it's important to choose your battles. It's not so simple as getting the taste of blood. Having success with bullies is good, but that can't make everything else in your life right.

The violence is only one way to deal with problems, and while sometimes it works, it is often not effective, and often even dangerous.

From reading your posts I believe you are in a really important transition period here. This is where you learn and grow from your efforts and your mistakes. I'm happy that you are posting here where you can get really good advice and support.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

This is one of only times I fought back and used my fighting skills to my advantage. The homeroom teacher is crazy. When the bastard attacked me with a saw, a big saw, around a meter long, and I held him so he couldn't cut me, while trying to save my own life. And after that the teacher just asked if he was fine. She didn't give a f*ck about me having a near death experience, with a big saw being swinged towards my head. I hate her, for how one sided she is. And in such an envirovment crude force turns to be amongst the only ways of defense. Argumenting something doesn't work at all and school isn't that good at handling stuff.

 

[Ronin]

I don't have any pity for the bully.

Such joy is how some predators and abusers begin to develop.

Wanting to protect oneself is very different from wanting to murder and violently take the life of another through murder.

To be fair though, 'joy' may be simply a way of understanding the shift in power dynamics in one's life, and a physical response to the situation, adrenaline high and stuff. It doesn't imply sadistic satisfaction just as is.
I'm thinking the OP is minor, is dealing with complicated situations from all corners, is trying to navigate his life, and is as was noted having a language/cultural differences (what seems) compared to most people here. Words in English maybe don't translate to the same concepts. Emotionally there may not even BE the same words for the feelings described.

Even if it's 'joy'... It may be simply physical & psychological response to self protection and imagining own world without same physical risks again. Rather than precursor to being a predatory piece of shit.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Kaia
Thank you for your comment on here, it really means a lot to me. You managed to say some stuff I can't, and I thank you.

 

[Kintsugi]

I think it's probably important for you to talk about these feelings with your therapist, but I can say when I was a child and an adolescent, I experienced more--maybe the word is primal?--feelings, and I had a lot of unchecked rage. I calmed down a lot later in my teens, but I also had therapy on my side. I do think the developmental stage here may play a role in the satisfaction of violence.

The only thing that really concerns me is that you have written previously on another thread about wanting to kill your mother. I would hope you do not really feel it would be a good idea to kill anyone. I would like to kill my abuser sometimes, but I know it would be a very bad idea to kill someone, and I am not at risk of acting on my feelings.

 

[Bill Dickerson]

I've had to be physical with many people. Nature of the Job kind of thing. Most people have to overcome the instinct to strike someone. (Unless your a violent SOB) In todays society it's frowned upon.

I think some of the discussion maybe translation issues. I understand the pride in standing up for yourself. Sounds like Otakujome has restrained himself quite a bit. As long as he doesn't desire to hurt the person or others I think it's perfectly alright to decide to longer be a victim. Don't analyze every little problem. Freud said sometimes a cigar is just a cigar maybe is a bully is just a bully who needs a broke nose.

Sometimes the only way to deal with a bully is a good palm strike to the nose. I checked his age and Otakujome is only 14. This is a difficult age anywhere. This bully will probably leave him alone now and if not I suggest a bar of soap in a sock.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

@Bill Dickerson
I haven't fought bullies in the second and third school, so I was just beat up, but now I punched him so I'm happy. Btw, I don't need soap in a sock, and wouldn't really use that as weapon. I'm bulky so fists or something are fine, but my weapon of choice if I can choose anything is always a sword (been training aikido for 2-3 years, katana is a part of me, though in such case I would use wooden sword). And darn it, there are many expressions which I can't find in english.