Hypersexuality

[zeropoint]

Like other people here in a couple older threads I read, I experience hypersexuality sometimes. Though I have had a lot of sexual trauma over the years (and have also made choices that just led to me re-injuring myself), I never know know what my hypersexuality and promiscuity are "about." For whatever reason, I have a lot of trouble masturbating to orgasm, hands or vibrator. In my hypersexual modes, then, there end up being a lot of sexual partners because I'm pretty much insatiable and one orgasm just leaves me craving the next. (I will add that the hypersexuality is not all the time; it seems to appear shortly after crisis when the dust is settling.)

I don't feel like I am confusing sex and love or expecting validation from my sexual partners, though of course I might not be the best judge of that. And I don't really feel any shame over it, but I do think a lot about how much our culture shames sexually active women and wonder sometimes how much shame is "appropriate" and if that shame would be mine or actually be cultural shame.

Since high school, I have been active and outspoken in various causes relating to women's rights. I do think that it is important and empowering for women to embrace their sexuality, whatever form it takes.

To boil this down, I guess I just don't know if that is what I am doing or if I'm really just making myself more vulnerable again and again. Or is it both, or neither?

Thank you for reading this and sharing your thoughts and experiences.

 

[Lionheart]

Lots of partners could be a problem if you are not practicing "healthy sexuality" and I think this is probably the question that you are asking..."Is this healthy for me?" *(correct me if I am wrong). One then has to decide "what is healthy for me???"

I would suggest you explore that question with a trauma therapist because it is such a complicated subject even for people like me who have experienced sexual abuse and have had years of recovery time.

I would think that the term "hyper" suggests that it might be excessive, but not necessarily unhealthy The question as to whether or not you are making yourself vulnerable to others, well,...I would seek a professional answer for that, as it may come with severe repercussions if you are.

I am male and have no problem with women being as sexually active as they are comfortable being, but I am concerned because I know sometimes I re-enacted the abuse traumas sexually, got no real satisfaction, and caused more damage to myself in the process.

I am sorry if my answer is not very helpful and wish you the best with healing.

 

[reallydown]

I am by no means an expert and I agree with a lot of what Lionheart777 says above...One other possibility that came to mind is that perhaps you could be bipolar (if you have other symptoms) but again, it would definitely be a good idea to talk to a professional about it.

 

[darrenS]

i have no problems with sex and have a healthy and normal approach to it - i would approach this question with a therapist , i think there are many things involved and its not open to a simple answer , your asking for an answer when what you may get at times are peoples judgements, rather than a healthy response. If you feel vulnerable again and again - then wouldnt this really be in some ways destructive rather than truly caring for you.

 

[Seagreen]

And I don't really feel any shame over it, but I do think a lot about how much our culture shames sexually active women and wonder sometimes how much shame is "appropriate" and if that shame would be mine or actually be cultural shame.

Shame is only appropriate if you have deliberately harmed someone's well being. You are right not to be ashamed for your having a sex with other consenting adults.

 

[Friday]

Sex is my hands down favorite grounding tool. Present, aware, responding, interacting. All senses needed. No thoughts allowed. Adrenaline burning, anxiety calming, mental/emotional reset. Oh. And then an orgasm or 12. Sweet. Talk about a bonus.

Masturbation? Pfft.

Helpful? Sure. If I can orgasm very, very, very early into an anxiety overdrive... I can stomp on it. It can help bleed some of the adrenaline away even deep cycle. In fact, it's a requirement deep cycle (along with hot showers and other sensory tricks). But MB compared to sex is like washing your hands versus jumping in a pool. Water is involved in both, and they're very different experiences.

Sex is a lot of different things to me. When I'm doing well (one of the many things it is) is a grounding tool. A way to stay connected. It's usually part of my daily life right along with exercise, eating, sleeping, social contact, etc. When I'm doing badly? It becomes a source of oblivion seeking. Or rather, it can, and I have to be very, very careful that it doesn't.

I think I was overly careful this go-round, because I decided on celibacy rather than self control :wtf: Ugh. Talk about making things needlessly difficult. But I've never placed any kind of self control on sex when I'm in a bad place, and I didn't really want to start. More to the point, I don't think I had the ability by the time I realized how bad off I was. Whoops. Lousy planning on my part. But because I also have a bad habit of either catting around to the point where it's dangerous or -worse- staying in a bad relationship purely for the steady access? I wasn't willing to risk either outcome. Sigh. Self awareness sucks all. the. fun. out of a good tailspin. All of it! Poof. Gone. ;). That's where my shame with sex comes from. Not the having it, the having it at too high a cost.

I also cut out a number of other things that I can do responsibly when I'm doing well (drinking, sports, fighting, etc.) that I tend to overdo / use as oblivion when I'm doing badly. I've started adding things slowly back in with ...so far... Good results. Actually having a bit of a vent before I boil over seems to be helping. Go figure. Early days, yet, though.

Again, this is just me / what I do / my story. Don't know how much translates.

 

[zeropoint]

Sex is my hands down favorite grounding tool. Present, aware, responding, interacting. All senses needed. No thoughts allowed. Adrenaline burning, anxiety calming, mental/emotional reset. Oh. And then an orgasm or 12. Sweet. Talk about a bonus.

This makes a lot of sense. I hadn't really considered the grounding benefits of sex in quite that way, though I know it does help take the edge off. Which is great; it's just that that fades and I want more of it, and down the road I hear from someone I must have had sex with but can't remember at all.

It is a good way to feel present and be in the moment, and I also feel more creative during and after sex.

 

[ms spock]

Are you practicing safe sex? This is an important one, because there are lots of sexually transmitted diseases you can pick up out there. If you are not practicing safe sex every single time you are having sex with a new partner, then there is a problem, as you are putting yourself at risk continually.

Sexually active women are disparaged in our society, it is not helpful or fair.