Relationship Ptsd Combat Vet

[windswept]

Hey guys! I am new here and am female, but accidently pushed male for my sex. I have a BA in business and a minor in psych and did a lot of research/papers on PTSD in school. I am familiar with many of the symptoms, causes, treatment, ect ect ect

I was wondering if you guys think he is salvageable.

I started dating my guy(He is 28, I am 24) several months ago. He was always very upfront about his PTSD and TBI. I know he goes to counseling at the VA, has meds, and follows his Drs orders like no drinking, keeping his schedule, ect ect ect Everything was perfect until about 3 weeks ago and he had an episode during sex. We finished with round 1 and were gearing up for round 2 when I said, "I hated when he messed with me like that." He shoved me off, ran to the corner, started shaking, and kept yelling you only say hate when you want to kill someone. I calmly put on my clothes and left as I know with PTSD you leave them alone. Before I got home he deleted me off facebook and put his dating profile up. I made it clear to him the next day I understood his PTSD was acting up and I was there as his friend when he wanted me. I then started dating again and texting him/hanging out when he feels up to it. During the time of his flare up, he was moving, changing his therapist, ran out of meds, and got a new job with a new schedule. He has also only been out of the army for a yr. We both agreed to keep the status quo of friends until he is 100% on the level. I do not feel comfortable dating him exclusively for about a month of 100% on the level behavior. From just being friends with him, I have learned that he has been hospitalized at the VA twice since getting out of the army for PTSD attacks right after getting out then about a month or so before I met him. His biggest fear is not being able to have a normal life. He wants a wife and family. I love him very much and he loves(not when he had his attack or several days after as he said he was numb) me very much too. We have lots in common and have compatible life goals.

 

[windswept]

The main issue with being friends, as we do love each other, it hurts him to see me dating other guys.

 

[olred1978]

That's a touchy deal. The fact you have an understanding of his situation makes things way less complicated. The being friends when you like someone does suck but that's understandable on your part... give it a bit of time to let him figure things out but definitely do not give up on him. Things definitely can be fixed and both of you wanting to make it work makes it entirely possible.

 

[scout86]

I was wondering if you guys think he is salvageable.

That has to be one of the most offensive statements, or questions, that I've ever seen here!

"Salvageable"?????????? And, WHAT, you think YOU have the understanding to do the salvaging, if you decide he's "worth the effort"?

and left as I know with PTSD you leave them alone.

You think you understand this, huh? You set off a trigger you don't understand and just calmly walk out and let him deal with it? You realize that it's quite possible he had NO idea where he was or what was happening at that moment, right? That maybe he was seeing/hearing/smelling/reliving things that weren't actually there? "Them"?

I'm going to quit typing now, before I say a bunch of stuff I'll end up regretting........

 

[windswept]

I was meaning salvageable as he could be legitimately capable of having a healthy relationship or is he using his PTSD as an excuse for trying to get a booty call. As in a non-PTSD person, I would consider what he is doing as just trying to get a booty call.

I left as he was screaming at me to leave his house before he called the cops as I was the dumbest b*tch on the planet to say hate that to a combat vet along with other extremely hateful things.

 

[olred1978]

Scout86.... sometimes what's meant and what's said are completely different you are correct leaving is not the best solution but live and learn

 

[windswept]

Olred1978, how was I supposed to have stayed when he was screaming at me to leave his house before he called the cops as I was the dumbest b*tch on the planet to say hate that to a combat vet along with other extremely hateful things? I was afraid he was going to physically hurt me.

 

[olred1978]

Things can be said that are not meant in the way they come out as I previously stated but that is possible tho I prefer to have faith when I probably shouldn't... it's your call

 

[olred1978]

I understand ... it's difficult to decide a proper course of action and in the moment you made a choice and carried it out. I have done this to several people( not quite the words I have used) afterwards when things settled I found out they did not leave they simply made themselves unseen but were there to talk and help finish the flashbacks( not for everyone not always the best idea either). If you were concerned of your safety it's ok to leave. No one can blame you for that

 

[StarChild]

and he had an episode during sex.

I don't understand... What did this "episode look like? Could you please clarify this statement?

"I hated when he messed with me like that."

Dito... What do you mean? Did he have trouble in some way?

 

[scout86]

I was meaning salvageable as he could be legitimately capable of having a healthy relationship or is he using his PTSD as an excuse for trying to get a booty call.

Those are the only two possibilities that you can see?

I guess I didn't see anything in what you wrote that remotely suggested he was using PTSD as an excuse for...... "sympathy sex"? Sounds like there was a mutual attraction and he had a bad reaction to something that was said & kind of flipped out. It happens.

 

[Deleted member 27524]

Yeah the "salvageable" thing honestly made my stomach turn as well. I would never even ask anyone if they thought my vet was salvageable or worth my time. That makes it sound like he's some sort of scrap or something. That statement made me very sad. Not attacking you, just saying. Hope you find some direction.