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Negative thinking
- Post starter Seagreen
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- Post starter
- #3
It is ok to fail. Failing is part of life and it gives us opportunities to learn and grow wiser. Life is hard, PTSD is hard. We are all doing our best to get through it. Even if you don't believe it is true you should give yourself the same compassion and understanding as you would give to others.
J_trustno1
Diamond Member
Here is an example from real life and it has worked.
About 3 months ago, I had to my drivers license practical test. I didn't sleep the entire night because I was anxious and felt I was going to fail. I had no confidence in myself and therefore I was dwelling on all the things I couldn't do properly i.e. looking at the past and also comparing my current situation and telling myself that i am not good enough because that is what i was labelled by my father. I talked myself into negative talk for that entire night, didn't sleep that night and on the day of the test, I told myself that i was going to fail. And guess what?? I did fail!!! I got home and cried for couple of hours because of my failure. However, I was a good driver but I had no self confidence and I was giving myself negativity, as soon as I made one mistake in my driving test, I automatically told myself, "oh god, I'm gonna fail and fail and i'm not good enough, i'm too dumb for this etc etc". As a result of this, I failed the test within the first 10 minutes all because of the negative dialogue!
About 2 weeks ago, I went for another test. This time I made sure I practiced my driving skills, learned what I didn't know instead of the negative self talk. I did some meditation and yoga, exercised regularly which i do always, tried self-relaxation, and kept myself away from negative people. This time, I felt i was prepared, I slept well and on the day of the test I was getting nervous but I changed my internal dialogue and told myself repeatedly "I can do it, yes i can pass" before sitting the test. YES, I passed this time and all due to what i told myself.
I know that you might be thinking that I am talking a load of crap and this doesn't work, yes, you'll feel it initially but our internal dialogue plays a major part to our success, to our physical and mental health and I have observed it but the hard way! Try from something little each day and write something good about yourself each day, even if it feel fake and wrong at first. Slowly, as you start seeing some evidence behind your positive thoughts you will start feeling good about yourself. I labelled myself dumb for the last 16+ years all because that's what I was told by my father but I am slowly starting to accept that I am not dumb. If i can do it so can you, it's only a matter of trying and believing in yourself. All the best.
About 3 months ago, I had to my drivers license practical test. I didn't sleep the entire night because I was anxious and felt I was going to fail. I had no confidence in myself and therefore I was dwelling on all the things I couldn't do properly i.e. looking at the past and also comparing my current situation and telling myself that i am not good enough because that is what i was labelled by my father. I talked myself into negative talk for that entire night, didn't sleep that night and on the day of the test, I told myself that i was going to fail. And guess what?? I did fail!!! I got home and cried for couple of hours because of my failure. However, I was a good driver but I had no self confidence and I was giving myself negativity, as soon as I made one mistake in my driving test, I automatically told myself, "oh god, I'm gonna fail and fail and i'm not good enough, i'm too dumb for this etc etc". As a result of this, I failed the test within the first 10 minutes all because of the negative dialogue!
About 2 weeks ago, I went for another test. This time I made sure I practiced my driving skills, learned what I didn't know instead of the negative self talk. I did some meditation and yoga, exercised regularly which i do always, tried self-relaxation, and kept myself away from negative people. This time, I felt i was prepared, I slept well and on the day of the test I was getting nervous but I changed my internal dialogue and told myself repeatedly "I can do it, yes i can pass" before sitting the test. YES, I passed this time and all due to what i told myself.
I know that you might be thinking that I am talking a load of crap and this doesn't work, yes, you'll feel it initially but our internal dialogue plays a major part to our success, to our physical and mental health and I have observed it but the hard way! Try from something little each day and write something good about yourself each day, even if it feel fake and wrong at first. Slowly, as you start seeing some evidence behind your positive thoughts you will start feeling good about yourself. I labelled myself dumb for the last 16+ years all because that's what I was told by my father but I am slowly starting to accept that I am not dumb. If i can do it so can you, it's only a matter of trying and believing in yourself. All the best.
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Upside Down Eagle
Diamond Member
@Seagreen haha I have another tale of the wisdom of grandma's.
When I was a kid and going through the trauma, I once went to visit my grandma. She didn't know what I was going through back then because I never told anybody. But I did tell her that I wanted to die (I was about seven years old and meant it).
Obviously she was shocked. After debating with herself, she told me to say one thing to myself. She told me to say that I loved myself.
I thought she was joking and I erupted in laughter. "Yah right!" I said and continued laughing. But she wouldn't budge.
So I said it. Now I'm twenty-seven, so that's twenty years later, and that day was one of very few that I now remember with utter clarity.
Because I didn't mean it, but it was very, very important. Sometimes you have to force yourself to think positive even if you don't mean it, you have to trick your brain. Yes, your brain is that foolish. Lie to it and it will buy it.
It won't buy it immediately, but it will buy it in the long run, and then there will be a moment where you suddenly believe it.
When I was a kid and going through the trauma, I once went to visit my grandma. She didn't know what I was going through back then because I never told anybody. But I did tell her that I wanted to die (I was about seven years old and meant it).
Obviously she was shocked. After debating with herself, she told me to say one thing to myself. She told me to say that I loved myself.
I thought she was joking and I erupted in laughter. "Yah right!" I said and continued laughing. But she wouldn't budge.
So I said it. Now I'm twenty-seven, so that's twenty years later, and that day was one of very few that I now remember with utter clarity.
Because I didn't mean it, but it was very, very important. Sometimes you have to force yourself to think positive even if you don't mean it, you have to trick your brain. Yes, your brain is that foolish. Lie to it and it will buy it.
It won't buy it immediately, but it will buy it in the long run, and then there will be a moment where you suddenly believe it.
- Post starter
- #6
This is so so true. It really works and is great tool to bring yourself back from thoughts which cant really be made positive even with reason.
I shall try. I'm afraid though of the consequences - I tried wearing clothes that I felt lied about how I truly was inside , and I was fighting suicidal thoughts by the end of the day.
The driving test example probably shows where this pattern originates from. I passed first time, but only because I made what I thought was a bad mistake early on, and relaxed, concluding that the rest of this test was only worth it for practice. When I described this at home, my mother said - "You made that error?You shouldn't have passed. He couldn't have been a very good examiner"
I'm struggling a bit wit how to frame the thought - I'm working on the fire lighting example. I've tried "I'm better than H at lighting the fire" and rejected it as I don't want to go into the family trait of only being worthwhile if better than anyone else.
I've tried "This coal is slow to light" but hat sounds like an excuse and isn't personal.
I've also rejected " It doesn't matter if it takes three goes to light it"
and the best I can come up with is " I'll keep going till I succeed" but that doesn't take away the sense of failure.
What would you say?
The driving test example probably shows where this pattern originates from. I passed first time, but only because I made what I thought was a bad mistake early on, and relaxed, concluding that the rest of this test was only worth it for practice. When I described this at home, my mother said - "You made that error?You shouldn't have passed. He couldn't have been a very good examiner"
I'm struggling a bit wit how to frame the thought - I'm working on the fire lighting example. I've tried "I'm better than H at lighting the fire" and rejected it as I don't want to go into the family trait of only being worthwhile if better than anyone else.
I've tried "This coal is slow to light" but hat sounds like an excuse and isn't personal.
I've also rejected " It doesn't matter if it takes three goes to light it"
and the best I can come up with is " I'll keep going till I succeed" but that doesn't take away the sense of failure.
What would you say?
Upside Down Eagle
Diamond Member
The difference is that clothes are on you, and you really force yourself out of your comfort zone if you wear clothes that aren't you.
That can make you feel unsafe and trigger you consequently.
But your thoughts are in your head. Nobody can see them and nobody else is responsible for them.
It can feel unsafe to change your thoughts too because in a way you also expand your comfort zone. But at least nobody is there to judge it.
Your mom doesn't sound like a very loving one. But I know how it is to have your parents still roaming around in your head.
How about try thinking "hey, it isn't on fire yet. But that isn't a big deal". In the whole universe, how much does it really matter how many attempts it takes for you to light the fire? It doesn't. Sometimes making things into something extremely important, can make you feel more like a loser if you don't succeed immediately.
I do not know if there's big haste involved in lighting it, but if there isn't, then remind yourself of it. Just take your time.
Maybe you could also try to make a list of things you do think you're good at. It might be hard at first but it's worth a shot.
That can make you feel unsafe and trigger you consequently.
But your thoughts are in your head. Nobody can see them and nobody else is responsible for them.
It can feel unsafe to change your thoughts too because in a way you also expand your comfort zone. But at least nobody is there to judge it.
Your mom doesn't sound like a very loving one. But I know how it is to have your parents still roaming around in your head.
How about try thinking "hey, it isn't on fire yet. But that isn't a big deal". In the whole universe, how much does it really matter how many attempts it takes for you to light the fire? It doesn't. Sometimes making things into something extremely important, can make you feel more like a loser if you don't succeed immediately.
I do not know if there's big haste involved in lighting it, but if there isn't, then remind yourself of it. Just take your time.
Maybe you could also try to make a list of things you do think you're good at. It might be hard at first but it's worth a shot.
I'm a big believer that one needs to be careful that affirmations are not too different to self belief or the brain challenges rather than accepts them.
For difficult area for me I use the affirmation "I am getting better at ..." In your case, maybe
- I am getting better at lighting fires.
- I am learning to light fires efficiently
- I am learning to feel pride when I have lit the fire.
Choose a phrase that you would like to be true but you also can believe and then regularly through the day and with each negative thought repeat your chosen phrase 3times.
Hope that helps.
For difficult area for me I use the affirmation "I am getting better at ..." In your case, maybe
- I am getting better at lighting fires.
- I am learning to light fires efficiently
- I am learning to feel pride when I have lit the fire.
Choose a phrase that you would like to be true but you also can believe and then regularly through the day and with each negative thought repeat your chosen phrase 3times.
Hope that helps.
I think this is huge. I would even say the mind/ heart/ soul can violently reject or try to deal with them, somewhat like the reaction to the clothes.
@stenni , I believe you will get to lighting the fires (or realize you already are, if you can be kinder to yourself) in time. Could you (physically) light a candle to show yourself you can/are? Big fires can start with little ones. And I think 'affirmations' can come from outside, or what we see / hear/ touch as well. As long as it has meaning for us, or provides some hope or strength or peacefulness.
Big :hug: 's for you.
That one sounds impossible - it's one of those many things I should be able to do, used to be able to do, did without thinking. So I can feel no satisfaction in it. Anything I do achieve now is so tiny in comparison to what I used to do in a normal day. Once again my mother's voice "Well I should think so" whenever I behaved correctly, and more recently "I know you are supposed to be unwell, but I do think you might consider…."
Right, lets do it. I'm thinking of something like "Anything I do achieve is a step forward"
Starting, maybe, with the achievement of starting.
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