Almost 2 Years....

[dougyhowzer]

So it has been almost 2 years since I spoke to most of my siblings save one sister that we are still in contact because we are born again believers of Jesus .

Aside from that , I did get one email earlier this year from my Brother Steve who basically tried to make me feel extremely guilty for cutting ties with all of the family .

He wanted me to not cut Anna my biological mother out of my life because she did what was best for everyone .

To be honest , I don't see it that way. After learning the truth that Anna allowed me and my late sister and brother be abused , and neglecting us , I believe she only allowed the abuse and stuff so that we would remain as a family .

That to me is being cruel and selfish.

On top of that , she has never showed any change and was only critical and didn't want to be a mother. That is why 3,of us went into child care ;granted we made that choice of our own accord

She has only wanted to criticizing , neglect , be manipulative , and very controlling .

As for my Brother Steve , well he doesn't realize how badly he had hurted me and make me feel for such a long period

His email only proved that he wants me to put family first , even at my own mental health risk.

Finally I need to say that because of my diagnosis , my siblings and biogical mother are totally in denial of the level dysfunctional that has been in the family for the past 30+ years .

I don't ever seeing them making amends for thief mistreatment of me , and they would rather sweep everything under the rug rather than deal with the issues .

 

[GWhizz]

I hear you.

Burying it on their part certainly won't help you. It may help them continue their fantasy world for a bit longer but, as you put it, at the expense of your mental health.

You sound like you know what's best. I know how hard it is to feel guilted into being 'family' when they really never cared for the true meaning of the word. My younger sister (she's 21) just cannot understand why I'm being so hard on my mother and not giving her hundreds more chances. She does not know the full story of the past (I'm 8years older than her and so my childhood was very different to hers). In fact, I entertained her notions twice quite recently and tried to make amends with my mother (that was me trying, my mum not trying) and it was like another hard cold slap in my face each time. From now I'm going with what I know in my heart is best for me. As a child I could be manipulated and bullied into their traps, especially being made feel sorry for them or that I'm the one ruining the family. No, they ruined any possibility of that - something I long for deeply. But it's not real. And it's not good for me.

You know what's best for you. We may not have put ourselves 1st as children, because no one else ever did. But now you must. You have to show that inner child that you're going to protect them and not let them hurt or guilt you anymore. Family are tough but you don't owe them anything just because of a biological connection. They lost those privileges the day they hurt you.

Stay strong.

 

[Justmehere]

It is so painful and horrible when families try to make us the scapegoat. My heart goes out to you. :hug:

 

[Fadeaway]

So it has been almost 2 years since I spoke to most of my siblings save one sister that we are still in contact because we are born again believers of Jesus .

I have serious issues with this here. Cutting out toxic family members is a good thing. Cutting out family members because of their beliefs is a disgusting act.

I found it difficult to not let that line cloud the rest of your post. I can understand given what you said about your mother, but I felt it was important to speak up on this.

 

[dougyhowzer]

I have serious issues with this here. Cutting out toxic family members is a good thing. Cutting out family members because of their beliefs is a disgusting act.

I found it difficult to not let that line cloud the rest of your post. I can understand given what you said about your mother, but I felt it was important to speak up on this.

I never said I cutted family members simply because of their beliefs . No where did I imply stating any reasons of cutting them simply based on beliefs .

Perhaps I should of stated that I am in contact with my sister because unlike the rest of my family , she treated me decently.

Even though she doesn't agree with me cutting the family out , we still have a lot of things in common and we want what is best for one another .

In the future , I would be careful in criticizing someone on their actions unless you have ample enough reason to do so.

Furthermore , I would take the time to think in terms of how you want to reply to topics that may offend you .

I come to this forum as means of reaching out which is extremely difficult for me to do . Not to be judged.