Too Anxious For Life

[LifeJunkie22]

I dont even know how i am going to be able to explain myself but here goes.

I am 21, have had diagnosed ADHD since birth and UNdiagnosed PTSD since i was a baby. Found out a couple months ago that I've been the victim of General Anxiety and PTSD virtually my entire life as a result of early childhood trauma as well as having ADHD. And was diagnosed with depression bout half a year ago, as well as chronic back pain that has been around for a long while.

I am medicating with Medicinal Marijuana that i now have a card and doctors note for. I have an ADHD coach and now have a therapist. My parents are very supportive and loving and i have been basically living off their money for a couple years now.

Despite what things im certain of and what i believe is true, despite my best intentions and efforts, despite what everyone ive ever met as ever told me, I still feel UTTER SHIT!

I seriously feel like im losing myself. All will to be is fading away. I want to be happy, and get better, and make a difference but all im doing is running around in circles it seems. Downhill since birth. I know all i've accomplished and how great it is but it doesnt matter. I still feel helpless. 10 steps forward,9 steps back. everything that used to make me happy is slipping away. I have little if not any self confidence. My hands shake. I freeze up with anxiousness all the time. shooting pains are getting worse. Headaches often. I just really want to hear what i need to hear before its too late. I dont want to be like this anymore. Im afraid it already is too late. i dont care if you tell me otherwise. The fear that despite my best efforts i will still fail has been the underlying fear of mine my ENTIRE life. I dont know how to think differently than all this negativity. All ive ever known is fear. I need some serious guidance before things get worse. theyve been getting worse my entire life. I feel i wont be able to take it anymore. Even when people tell me they know how i feel and that is going to be alright i dont feel any different. When im offered a listening ear im too afraid to even talk to them. please. i just dont what to do anymore.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

@LifeJunkie22 welcome to the Forum and :hug:s from the UK if you accept them

Laurie

 

[Chava]

Welcome. I'm sorry it feels like shit right now. I've gone through some bad periods of anxiety or hyper-charged in every way and unable to focus and accomplish anything. It helps me to just focus on "the next right thing"...like notice thoughts that are about future, worries, little games in my head, and just eat my lunch, read the article, whatever. It takes practice and going back to for me, because I get caught up in all dimensions of time easily. Scattered. Are you into any mindfulness things? Meditation groups are helpful because you get away from your stuff and just sit and feel supported by the sitting and quiet of others. Or there are many podcasts online for guided meditation to just work on slowing down and letting go of some little bits of anxiety. I also find exercise helps because it releases some of the excess energy I get scattered all over the place. Too much amps me up more, but like a long walk, or walking hills...awesome. Hang in there!

 

[m21]

@LifeJunkie22 I am very sorry to hear about the anxiety and depression you've been experiencing. I've had to deal with similar issues, sometimes for long stretches where I just want to close my eyes and sleep and not wake up. But there are some things that I have found helpful that I'd like to share in case you find them beneficial.

One crucial thing is to get a thorough medical assessment from a qualified doctor, which it sounds like you already have. Then follow the prescribed treatment, and this is very important. The next thing is to do your best to maintain a stable balanced daily routine. Even if you don't feel like doing anything, try to get a routine in place. Next, try to stay physically active like walking, jogging, weight lifting, or playing basketball or some sport. Even if its just 30 minutes or an hour each day. Next, make sure you get enough sleep each night. If you find that you are just constantly busy and getting stressed out, take time to relax each day (this was a big one for me). Make sure to limit alcohol consumption and any drugs that aren't prescribed for you. And definitely, despite how you may feel, avoid isolating yourself. Spend time with people that you trust and that you feel comfortable confiding in. This was also a big challenge for me. I held things in and it welled up inside that it made me so angry and sick that I felt worthless. But I found that talking to my close friends and expressing myself felt like someone lifted a heavy weight off my shoulders. I told my self that I couldn't worry about how what I was saying might sound to my friends, I just had to talk and get what was on my mind out. Finally, if you believe in a Creator or God give attention to your spiritual need. I like to read the bible and I find that helps me big time. Specifically Proverbs, as it helps me as a young man.

I can never say that I know exactly how you feel or that you'll get over it soon, because that's rarely the case. Just don't give up. Feel free to contact me via the forum. Hope to hear from you soon. - M21

 

[Lucycat]

10 steps forward,9 steps back.

That still leaves you one step ahead!
I know it means it is very, very slow progress, but it is progress nonetheless.
Have you had therapy specifically to address the PTSD? I suspect that if you were able to process the trauma you might find your comorbid conditions also improve.

 

[LuckyDuck]

Welcome to the forum. I get headaches, too. Getting out is difficult unless I have somebody with me, otherwise, unless if it's for groceries or bills or disability related, I usually keep inside.

I'm slowly going back into what you're experiencing. I experienced it once before, but somehow, I got out of it. I can't explain how, but my guess is it was being where you're at: being sick and tired of being sick and tired. You're putting yourself out here, which is good. It's that part of "OMG help me" that translates as your being willing to go the extra mile for yourself. That's a good sign.

Keep your stick on the ice.