Regrets to Conquer

[Monarch]

Sometimes I feel like I have alot of regrets in life that I will never be able to conquere or get over. This is leading to me having a problem with getting older, I know it sounds so stupid but I am turning 35 this year and I am not doing well with that. I just feel like I screwed my life up so bad and while I am getting it back now I just see so much more I could have done if I had my shit together earlier on in life.

my list of regrets:

1. allowing myself to be manipulated

2. not having a better relationship with my parents

3. not being strong

4. doing drugs and drinking

5. not taking College seriously

6. not finishing my Law degree

7. pushing everyone away

8. not talking about my abuse

9. not investing in Apple in the 80's

10. being scared.

 

[sisu]

my list of regrets:

1. allowing myself to be manipulated

2. not having a better relationship with my parents

3. not being strong

4. doing drugs and drinking

5. not taking College seriously

6. not finishing my Law degree

7. pushing everyone away

8. not talking about my abuse

9. not investing in Apple in the 80's

10. being scared.

Monarch,
Now that you are turning 35, turn those regrets into goals.....

1. Do not allow yourself to be manipulated
2. rekindle your relationship with your parents
3. find your inner strength
4. Stay clean & sober
5. go back to college and study
6. (see #6) and finish law degree
7. seek new friendships and allow people to get to know you
8. find someone or someplace to talk about your abuse and heal
9. can't help with #9....sorry...
10. take a judo class or something similar to help you feel braver

Good luck and 35 really isn't that bad! Its the new 25!!

Sisu :thumbs-up

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hi Monarch, I used to have a lot of regrets, but I let them go because I found something positive in each regret.
1. allowing myself to be manipulated. This is human and everyone has done it. I have let this happen to me, do you look down on me for it?

2. not having a better relationship with my parents. You can always start today if they are still around. Maybe this is something that had to happen so you will strive to have a better relationship with your children.

3. not being strong. No one is strong all of the time. I was real weak for long periods of time, how do you feel about this in me?

4. doing drugs and drinking. Your not doing it any more (or doing it less) and a lot of people would love to be able to say that.

5. not taking College seriously. Maybe you couldn't handle the stress of college and you did the best you could at the time. We all grow up and realize things when we get older.

6. not finishing my Law degree. You can still do that if you want. Again maybe you were not ready to be an attorney.

7. pushing everyone away. This is a coping mechanism that most of us have. You can try to bring everyone back into your life now. I did the same thing, do you think I'm a bad person for doing it?

8. not talking about my abuse. Abuse is hard for some of us to talk about because we are scared and don't understand how to handle it. I waited 35 years, but I'm talking now and so are you.

9. not investing in Apple in the 80's. I don't know about this but regret keeps us stuck in bad feelings. If you had invested in Apple in the 80's and were rich now do you think you would feel any better? Material things will not fill that void. Some times the more we have the more problems we have to deal with.

10. being scared. Fear is a human instinct and is in us for good reasons so that we keep ourselves safe. I'm afraid most of the time. do you think I'm a bad person because of it.

I wish you luck in letting these things go.
Tammy

 

[2quilt]

Having regrets is part of being human. Everyone has them. But just like those folks who have already replied to your post said, Today is a New Day, and you have more than 35 years more to make your life the way you want it to be!

Sheet, don't everybody wish we had invested in Apple on the first IPO day. I wish that I had not blown all my money when I was younger. I wish that I had walked out on the first date with that con man instead of falling in luv with him. I wish I had started a Roth IRA the first day they offered them, and threw a heck of alot of money in it.

Lessons learned. That's part of the journey. Learning from our mistakes and not repeating them, now that's the goal.

 

[spiritofnow]

The biggest regret that I have is that I have not loved myself or allowed myself to be loved. However, that regret is sometihng that can be changed, altered, perceived differently. I do not have to keep on fulfilling the same old self fulfilling prophecy just because I once did!

We just gotta let ourselves off the hook!

I think this is the key to all of this; our perception over these events is what anchors us to these memories. They have happened and sometimes the consequneces of them feel, were and are terrible.

How about we accept our actions from the past and move forwards in terms of not ever having anything in our lives that is regretable? Life is not controllable, we should let go of those reins....
We should try to think differently and then we will feel differently! We can all achieve this if we practice it, I am sure of it!

Sent with love

Spirit x

 

[Cindy]

It is never too late! Of your list decide what things you choose to change.

You can modify your goals to fit your life today.

We all have regrets and have to learn to accept them and then take the challenge of today to address what we can on the list.

Somethings you can never change. But is there a better way you can look at them?

EX: My biggest regret is while raising my daughter from the age of 2 - 16 I was going through all my "hell". She is now 22. It effected our relationship and always will. Having had a neglectful Mom and emotionally abusive Mom I swore I would not repeat the process. But I did, How much was I emotionally available to my daughter?

I have stepped back from this bitter conflict within my self and acknowledged that I did the best I could do at the time and there wasn't anymore I could do than what I did. I have to accept that. It is not an excuse it is reality. My daughter did have a better Mom than I did but it wasn't to my expectations I had of myself.

Remember, we are always our own worst critics and pass judgements on ourselves much harsher than others would. Be fair with yourself.

You can still change some of these regrets into products if you choose.

 

[spiritofnow]

I agree Cindy!

I have also been a better parent to my son, but not one that I would have liked to be (well not consistenly anyway). This is why I have regretted not loving myself or allowing myself to be loved - I believe it was this that was the catalyst to the majority of my problems in dealing with life if not all of them!
However, as you say you can only work with what you have at the time. I am healing now and allowing myself to feel okay about my history in order to ensure that my sons future and mine is peaceful and healthy. We both deserve that -as does everyone else!

Spirit x

We need to have zero tolerance over punishing oursleves!
I am starting to believe that I am a good person I was just damaged.

 

[Cindy]

Damaged is a harsh word. I prefer to view it as 'under construction'. :wink:

 

[spiritofnow]

Yes 'under construction' is more positive.
I guess I see damaged in terms of that I was damaged by the experiences I have had in life. I really was! Not that I am a damaged person! Does that make sense?

Thanks Cindy :-)

Spirit x

 

[Cindy]

OH, I agree. I will never be able to be the person that I was. I am in the process of creating a new me with a new life blended with old parts. I also feel like the actor in the scarlet letter. X marks defective. But I keep trying to readjust the costume and self perception. We will present what we believe in ourselves, it's important that we dissolve this self perception of defective or damaged. Somehow we need to fix our terminology so that it incorporates the re-make that removed the damage, flaws, or whatever you want to call it.

 

[spiritofnow]

Yeah you are right!

I think one problem I keep coming up against is this idea of a 'new me'; I was never given the opportunity to ever find me. I have lived life through my experiences. I feel I am slowly becoming who I wish to be! Someone I know I can be, someone who speaks to me! Someone who is not defined by their past. I am who I am in spite of the past actually.


I guess this healing is about finding oursleves, who ever that may be? Not that you have lost 'you', just that you are reclaiming 'you'! Yes you are reclaiming the parts of you you have rarely had the opportunity to explore or experience. You do not need to wear a new outfit you just need to step out of the old one - yes! We are all reclaiming what was has always been just underneath the surface!



That is better, eh?

Spirit x

 

[Cindy]

I feel I am slowly becoming who I wish to be! Someone I know I can be, someone who speaks to me! Someone who is not defined by their past. I am who I am in spite of the past actually.


I guess this healing is about finding oursleves, who ever that may be? Not that you have lost 'you', just that you are reclaiming 'you'! Yes you are reclaiming the parts of you you have rarely had the opportunity to explore or experience. You do not need to wear a new outfit you just need to step out of the old one - yes! We are all reclaiming what was has always been just underneath the surface!


Spirit x

ABSOLUTELY! Let's do it!!!!!!