Dom Violence Living With Someone Who Is Undiagnosed Bipolar And Intimate Rape

[Deleted member 487]

A side note....
It really bugs the hell out of me that women go for relationships with that kind of human trash (men that abuse), and folks like me that abhor such inappropriate & unmanly conduct can't find a damned date for anything in the world.

Reminds me of my ex-wife. Her past BFs and husbands used to beat her. I never laid a hand on her in anger. And when she saw I wasn't going to, she herself became abusive. I drew the line and that was the beginning of the end of our marriage. Get's me to wonder if women enjoy it, sometimes. If they didn't then why stick around the scumbag that abuses them? And when they have a man that refuses to hit them, they become abusive themselves.

Am I the only one that asks "WTF is this?"

 

[Queen Boudica]

PLEASE don't use the wonder whether women enjoy it thing. Take your issues about your wife but don't on a domestic abuse thread ask whether women enjoy being beaten and abused by their partner. Read up on domestic abuse for the reasons why it happens. In fact it so disappointing that someone in this day and age can boast about not beating up their wife but then question if women enjoy being beaten.

 

[Queen Boudica]

There are many many reasons why women stick around with scum bags like that and none of them are about enjoying being abused and if they are not abused they turn abusive themselves. That is just cave man attitude and ignorant. There are plenty of articles that explain domestic abuse if you bother to read them and understand

 

[Deleted member 487]

Your attitude is no better than mine. I have read up on study after study, case after case, and if you read anything I wrote you would know that I am no dummy about abuse. They don't like it, but they put up with it. When they aren't getting it, they exhibit it themselves. Do I understand why? Yes, but I still think it's stupid. But it is a logical question.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Get's me to wonder if women enjoy it, sometimes. If they didn't then why stick around the scumbag that abuses them? And when they have a man that refuses to hit them, they become abusive themselves.

Your words @cactus_jack clearly enjoy was stated as a reason why they stay. I'd like to see the studies that you are talking about where all these women who enjoyed abuse and then don't get it turn into abusers themselves. And even if that did happen what tiny percentage of that is it and then it is used as an excuse as all these women enjoy being abused so let's not do anything about it

 

[Friday]

Get's me to wonder if women enjoy it, sometimes. If they didn't then why stick around the scumbag that abuses them?

I stayed with my ex for 6 years after I realized he was abusive. Not because I enjoyed it. Because it was the only way I could protect my child. I could handle my ex. Could a 3yo? 6yo? 9yo? How could I justify leaving a child alone to deal with a man I couldn't? No effing way.

Until it was the only way. And I still regret divorcing him. He didn't leave me much choice, after a violent assault in front of my son when I was already injured almost killed me, and my kid had to pull him off (and got injured in the process, himself). So it was a choice I made with a fractured skull, all broken & bloody, that since my son had seen this? If I stayed it would be condoning it beyond a shadow of a doubt (he'd been begging me to divorce his dad since he was 6, but he'd only ever seen his nasty mean side, not his uncontrolled violent side. I always managed to shield him from that.). But I still had a choice, and I made the wrong one.

I prayed that maaaaybe. Maybe this time, with incontrovertible proof, I might win full custody.

Nope. Lost 80k proving the abuse. It was proved. And asshole was still awarded 50% custody.

I don't regret divorce because I still love my ex. I don't. I regret it because my son is now an abused kid. 2 years, unprotected, with a violent and dangerous asshole. f*cking fantastic.

CPS (child protective services) worker cried on my shoulder this year... Because there is nothing, nothing to be done. Doesn't matter how many times he puts him in the hospital. Doesn't matter how badly he hurts him. If my son in the PICU after Ex stomping him? He'll still get his "parenting time". Maybe, at most, another anger management seminar (8 hours over 2 days in a posh hotel). Meanwhile I'm the psychobitch c*nt of a mother... And every other vile thing my ex can put in my son's head.

This was why I stayed. This is why a helluva lot of mothers (or fathers) stay. And this is also why I'll never tell a battered wife or husband to leave their abuser. It's just not that simple. It's not like TV & the movies, where you leave & it's happily ever after. Not all of us stay out of ignorance. Some of us stay because we are well aware of the likely repercussions... Including custody allotments. And that scares us a helluva lot more, our kids being hurt, than ourselves.

I should have stayed.

 

[Deleted member 487]

Your words @cactus_jack clearly enjoy was stated as a reason why they stay. I'd like to see the studies that you are talking about

For what reason? Because you don't approve of a question I asked? When you start on a personal level like that, inquiring about what I have read, you are replicating the abuse. It does not matter what I have read. I know what I know from first hand experience. And that bothers you? Does my experience offend you because I have questions you do not approve of?

I suggest that you re-read what I said, for what it said, not what you wanted it to say.

 

[Queen Boudica]

You just told me you have read up on this and are an expert on it so I would like to see those studies so I can verify it myself. Just because you say there are studies does not mean they exist. REally you know from first hand experience all these women who enjoy being abused and then turn into abusers. How many, what percentage of the abused population is that?

 

[Deleted member 487]

I stayed with my ex for 6 years after I realized he was abusive. Not because I enjoyed it. Because it was the only way I could protect my child.

I disagree, but we’ll not go there.

I should have stayed.

I never said that nor have I inferred that.

You just told me you have read up on this and are an expert on it so I would like to see those studies so I can verify it myself. Just because you say there are studies does not mean they exist. REally you know from first hand experience all these women who enjoy being abused and then turn into abusers. How many, what percentage of the abused population is that?

LIZIO I NEVER CLAIMED TO BE AN EXPERT AND I DO NOT APPRECIATE WHAT YOU SAID. TAKE YOUR ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR SOMEWHERE ELSE.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Questioning you is not abuse.

 

[Friday]

CJ... I was writing while you & Lizio were squaring off. I was simply answering a question (if not because they enjoy it, why?). While the ignorance group gets the most press (& I was in that group my first abusive relationship), personally, I know hundreds of battered spouses, the vast majority in my own personal experience, who stay NOT for the trapped-in-cycle-of-abuse... But for the same reason I did. We are under no illusion it's not abuse. It's simply the surest way to protect the children involved. I never said you claimed I should have stayed. I'm saying I should have stayed.

I have (and had) 3 options apart from staying:

- Kill the bastard
- Custodial Interference/ Kidnapping... Same result as killing the bloke, I'd be in prison sooner or later, but with this one TheEx would get full custody.
- Divorce, go up to my eyeballs in debt, and have to count on a wrecked system / aka the legal route.

Granted, I did have a head injury when I decided to go the legal route.

 

[joeylittle]

A side note....
It really bugs the hell out of me that women go for relationships with that kind of human trash (men that abuse), and folks like me that abhor such inappropriate & unmanly conduct can't find a damned date for anything in the world...Am I the only one that asks "WTF is this?"

Here's the thing: I doubt that the majority of women that "go for" relationships with abusive men were actually being abused during the early days of the relationship.

AKA I don't think the majority sets out consciously to be abused.

So, it doesn't matter whether you are an abuser or aren't - I won't want to date you on the basis of your assurance that you're not going to hit me. That's honestly kind of reductive. I should date someone specifically because they won't hit me, regardless of anything else? There are other factors too. I know you know that because you were married to a woman who turned out to be abusive, right?

Why I tolerated it: when it started, it made sense to me, because I believed I deserved it.

Not because I liked it.

My ex didn't show any abuse towards me until AFTER I told him a bit about my rapes.

I think that information gave him permission in his mind to become a sadist. But that was not the guy I had been with up til that point. There were no signs that he'd turn into what he did. Or if there were, I truly didnt see them then, and even in the 20/20 of hindsight, I don't see them.

Just my two cents.

EDIT TO ADD: I was also posting at the same time as some of the above; not trying to create a pile-on.