Is It Possible To Say "i Love You" With Ptsd

[anthony]

I've never told my partner of 3 years that I love him. I don't love him in a romantic way although I do in other ways.

Fairly self explanatory in this case. If you don't love your partner in a romantic sense, it would be a lie to tell them. I give you credit for holding true to yourself.

 

[emz315]

As i'm alot clearer today and not feeling too bad... its day 5 of 8 before i see him a little anxious because i've got alot to talk too.... i have recognised some things with the contact on here and just remmbering times when i have been with him with the way he has shown me love and showed feelings... that at times i dont think he even recognises them as feeling? is that normal for PTSD that its actually hard to realise what feelings are?

1- Making me dinner
2-telling me that i'm wearing a nice dress
3-messaging and calling even when he doesnt want too because he knows i get a little anxious sometimes
4-washing my car
5-asking me questions like how was my day
6-doing social activities with me even when he does not want to
7-meeting my friends
8-going to dinner/movie and asking me what i would like to do and going along with it
9-walking the dog with me
10-teasing me and making fun
11- laughing at me when i always leave the fridge door open
12-discussing hopes and plans for the future
13- letting me use the steam cleaner (pride and joy)
14-letting me be in his life when sometimes his not sure what he wants in life and is numb to almost everything
15- giving me a cuddle in bed most nights when im there even when he doesnt want too.
16- pouring me a glass of wine
17- getting me soda water from the petrol station at 11pm at night because i really wanted it
18- Actions do speak lounder that words ........... ive never really appreciated all this before and because of the last few days i have actually realised that this is a very different kind of love :)

 

[Momofthree]

I don't know him but from your post I would be so bold as to say that guy is madly in love with you :inlove:

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

THAT is a great list!! I think EVERY couple would benefit from making a list like this about their significant other .. I bet it would transform MANY a relationship!!

 

[emz315]

@Momofthree and @ptsdspouse2b and @Junebug and @shimmerz and @FridayJones and @Santa_Laurie and @Sweetpea76 and @Beachlife09 Friends keep putting stuff in my head tonight so i had to leave my night out im just on day 7/8 before i speak to him. They said that he may not want to see me on sunday after having the 8 days. Could there be potential he still may not be in a great headspace after the week? And if he was out of the headspace would he contact me earlier? Im the one that initiated the space so he could have a better headspace. Is it bad that i havent heard from him this week Even after i initiated it? We parted on a good note it was all fine and he messaged me when he got home that night before we went quiet for the week saying..."got home safe try and have a good night"... Im assuming his just respecting the space because i told him he needed it for himself. His been seeing his psychologist this week is there a chance they would say to leave a relationship? Im not too worried i just hate ppl putting stuff in my head :( because i am an overthinker.

 

[Momofthree]

I don't know if he'll want to see you Sunday or not, but I do know that the chances are higher that he will then that he won't. You two left on a good note and the 8 days was set so no matter how good he's doing he most likely wouldn't contact you earlier, he's only doing what you asked, focusing on himself for 8 days with no contact, that's what you asked him to do and when it's over he'll probably act like nothing happened. Again I don't know you or him and I don't know the future but if my partner and I decided to have no contact for 8 days then at the end I would act like nothing happened when we go in touch again. (I'm the sufferer) I would wait for his text on Sunday and then make plans to meet up if we didn't already have them set. Whether I was in a good head space or not wouldn't change my reaction. Also as for the psychologists most (not all, but most) refrain from giving relationship advice and would never tell someone to leave a relationship, even if it's abusive. It isn't their place to convince someone to leave or enter a relationship their place is to listen and give support in regards to which ever decision the patient makes. Try to keep busy and focus on yourself for the rest of the time apart, taking care of yourself is the first and most important thing when being a supporter.

 

[emz315]

@Momofthree thankyou :)... im guessing your a mom of three? ...they are very lucky kids.. :) that advice you just gave me was very nice and calming.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Friends keep putting stuff in my head tonight so i had to leave my night out im just on day 7/8 before i speak to him

People outside of PTSD don't get it... they just don't. I don't talk about any relationship issues I have with my vet with anybody IRL.

 

[Justmehere]

I have PTSD. My mother also has PTSD. I have told my mother I love her hundreds and hundreds of times. It's how I end every call with her. She has the chance to say it back, but she very very rarely does. It's ok with me. She shows that she loves me in other ways.

I think you are seeing that he loves you in other ways too.

i have recognised some things with the contact on here and just remmbering times when i have been with him with the way he has shown me love and showed feelings... that at times i dont think he even recognises them as feeling? is that normal for PTSD that its actually hard to realise what feelings are?

Nothing you have described so far suggests someone who doesn't feel feelings or can not name what his feelings are. There is another condition called alexithymia. It is an ability to name emotions or identify. It doesn't seem like that is what is going on, but he would be the only one to say. He is able to identify love and that it does sometimes hurt.

"Love hurts" is not unique to PTSD. Heck, it's so common it is a song title....

Instead of focusing on his possible pathology and what might be wrong with him or not, try to focus on how he is showing you love, even if he isn't ready to say it yet.

Ever heard of the book the 5 Love Languages? In that book, it outlines different ways people "speak" love to each other, and different ways people receive love. The author proposes that people speak love to one another through acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, gift giving. You guy is showing you love through many different ways, even if he is not ready to say it. Keep that really great list with you even if you never show that list to him. When you start to feel anxious, remember the ways he does care for you and love you.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @emz315 , forgive me I am not sure if I remember the details, but I would think you shouldn't worry about it. But if you don't see each other it's not personal, I have difficulty (if time separates) when being out of the loop to remember or think that I should get together again? It just seems easier or 'better' sometimes not to.

As per the thread question, I'd say of course the answer is 'yes' but I don't with most. Never men. :confused:

Good luck & I hope all goes really well. :)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

@Seagreen,

So your partner is just a friend that you love?

 

[emz315]

@Momofthree and @Sweetpea76 and @Junebug and @ptsdspouse2b and @shimmerz and@Fridayjones and @Santa_Laurie ...What a night just saw him. Was very mixed emotions got very confused... he doesnt see the point because of the way his feeling right now...downward spiral of hell.... And said that i would be better off too go. I promised him if at any time i cant cope anymore and it gets too hard i would walk away... i think he felt relieved when i said that because he came around.. and said that if we just take it down a notch set some boundaries that we would only see each other on the weekends at the moment and text day on day off and one phone call during the week etc.... its hard because he doesnt see the point yet his willing to do that for me. We sat down for hours talking about stuff kept saying what i will gain being with him right now....he cant give me anything because he has run out of juice....that there would maybe be regret if i just walked out of his life....yet its like his giving me the option but wont do it himself... felt a little awkward after the chat but i think he may have been just burnt out from it.... Any comments about this one?