Finding Difficult

[Tanishq]

So over the years I have learned several things to cope with difficulties of my life.

Here is a list:
Positive self talk, breathing, good reading, forum check, learn more and try to do something good daily.

Now the difficult part is I can't do this all in a day. I can only take one thing at a day. I feel like I have become weak over the years as I went through abuse and all those bad things.

I want to do this all, so I can feel like I am spending a day doing various things. Am I expecting a lot from myself? Is it possible to do the things we like without finding them difficult to do?

Btw, I want to build daily routine. So badly want to build a routine.

 

[digger]

Start small. Really small. I have slowly been building some structure and routine into my life, but it has been by adding one small thing into my day at a time and getting used to doing that before trying to add the next thing in. If I try to add too much in at once I just get overwhelmed and then I'm back at square one again. It feels frustratingly slow at times the way I am doing it, but it does work.

I have the things written down on a list each day that I can check off. I carry the list in my pocket and it helps me keep my focus a bit better.

 

[Tanishq]

Thanks so much digger.

If I try to add too much in at once I just get overwhelmed and then I'm back at square one again.

Exactly this is what I experience. Little addition or little rush, all momentum gone.

I do feel frustrated, very much. I think how come I am not able to carry some things, but only one thing at a time? I will this let be from now. At least there won't be fight in my head nor self beat-up.

Carrying the list, that sounds helpful to keep focus on my way.

 

[digger]

A couple of other thoughts, which may or may not be helpful, but take what is, leave the rest :)

I try to break things down into their smaller parts. Taking something like housework as an example, but you can apply to whatever is relevant to you. Instead of writing on the list that I will clean this room, I will list the actual jobs that need doing within that room. Perhaps on a good day, I will manage to clean the whole room. On a more difficult day, I might only clean one thing in the room, but I have still cleaned one thing in the room. If I just have 'clean the room' written down, I have not achieved that, if I have individual tasks written down then I have something I can check off. The result is the same, but psychologically it can make a difference between feeling like I have achieved something and feeling like I've failed.

Also small steps towards your goals. For example things like 'positive self talk' and 'breathing', could be quite big general goals, but you can also break them down and get specific about them. So for example I might pick a short breathing exercise to practice daily for a week and be quite strict about only doing that one until it has started feeling like it is becoming habit, then I might extend it to twice a day or another focus. With self talk, perhaps just consciously deciding to find one positive thing each day to say about yourself is enough, and again, just do that until it becomes more of a habit.

I will this let be from now.

Acceptance is a big part of this I think. Accepting that although you know where you want to be with it, it will take many small steps to get there. I want to be able to do it all, now. I have to accept that I can't. YET.

 

[J_trustno1]

You have achieved quite a bit Tan. I know what you are trying to fight against especially the organization and time management. I have read in one of the time management books that you need to "discipline" yourself, well if you need to get things done on time. And I know that a lot of people struggle with it, myself included.

While I was at university, I had to attend a course and make special appointments with a professor to "learn how to study". I know it may sound stupid but I did actually learn something from doing some of these courses and these are:

1) Prioritize

2) Make a list of things you gotta do and break them down so that you don't overwhelm yourself.

3) Don't waste too much time trying to be perfect at one task to achieve 100%, when you can spend equality of time on other tasks and achieve up to at least 75% on other areas.

4) most importantly, you need to be fully focused in other words your mind needs to concentrate on what you actually are doing in that time frame. You can't achieve a task when you have 101 things on your mind which again brings us back to prioritizing our tasks.

Is this easy? I don't know what is easy anymore. Is it doable? Certainly YES.

I have struggled with time management, discipline and organization my entire life. I procrastinate, and waste time thinking about what and how to do things instead of get on with work. The reason I do it maybe because I am a perfectionist and lazy at the same time ( I have been thinking about cleaning my room since December last year before Christmas and it's more than half way through February this year and things are not done).

My serious advice would be to break this into smaller doable chunks so that you don't overwhelm yourself. It is one of the most practical techniques that worked for me when I was a student at university. I hope things work out for you.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I think everyone has more or less said what I would have. Good luck, small steps so not overwhelming and to prevent you from feeling that you've failed which will knock your confidence . Thinking of you, good luck

 

[Sandstone]

Am I expecting a lot from myself? Is it possible to do the things we like without finding them difficult to do?

Currently, I have had to abandon goal setting of any sort, and accept that if I achieve something today, then that is good. Even the simplest goals become a way to beat myself up. It's no good saying to myself that I will make the bed every day, or even that I will aim to make the bed most days. I made the bed today, and that is good. Yesterday and tomorrow have to be irrelevant, they are more than I can deal with right now.

Taking that attitude has stopped me hating myself for not adding to what I can do - I spent two years cycling round the same list of basic jobs - make the bed, clean the loo, walk the dog, clean the kitchen floor, cook a meal. Every time I tried to add one, another dropped off, and I saw FAILURE signalling itself at me. It's still there, longing to get its claws into me, but Ive done two of that list today, and four in the last thee days and that is good.

 

[digger]

Even the simplest goals become a way to beat myself up. It's no good saying to myself that I will make the bed every day, or even that I will aim to make the bed most days. I made the bed today, and that is good. Yesterday and tomorrow have to be irrelevant, they are more than I can deal with right now.

Something important, for me, that I forgot to add in my previous posts, is that the things on my list begin " Try to...." - Sometimes acknowledging that it is still part of my goal, even if I don't achieve it today, has to be enough.

 

[The Albatross]

Sometimes I benefit from a perceptual shift. Rather than think in terms of success or failure... on a one for one/day to day... I try to think in terms of creating new habits (26-30 days) and think in terms of a helpful analogy. The one that popped into my head while reading for example, was a kicker in football. In some attempts it may be possible to kick a 40 yard field goal once in like 25 tries. But to do so consistently takes practice and training. So when I set for myself 3-5 things... it is not the objective that determines whether I succeed or fail... it is the focus on practice and training that is my emphasis... because the consistent application of attempts, practicing can in the longer term help me cultivate the atmosphere to suit up, show up, learn by trying to kick the ball. Eventually some skill will be acquired. It's almost inevitable. Will I be the best kicker in the league? Um, maybe not, but I'll have learned how to kick the ball with a reasonable expectation that it will go farther, the more I train and practice.

 

[Tanishq]

@digger I read your post very carefully because it was making me remember of past success. Little success of fixing sleep. I fixed it with the way you showed in your example. Stay focused by logging it how I was sleeping, I didn't do this for daily routine.

Self talk and other stuff can be broke down in little chunks, wasn't aware of this one. Yes, I have big problems with getting overwhelmed, even with little things.

Thank you for your help. :)

@J_trustno1 Thank you for sharing ideas about time management and I find them very helpful. Thanks for pointing me to work on making small chunks and not get overwhelmed.

At last I found some help for overwhelming issue.

 

[Tanishq]

@Namenotdiagnosis Thank you for your good wishes.

@stenni Yes, I have done that of abandoning the idea of goal setting. I have kept this daily routine as just desire to live life. It is very difficult to set a goal and then go for it. I had to think a lot on this because I know the moment I set goal, that is the moment I start undoing of it.

Thank you.

@The Albatross Yes Focus is so much important. Thank you.

Thanks everyone for helpful replies. :)

 

[Tanishq]

Update:

This has started working for me. Slowly I am able to build routine. I believe I will get there in time. Thanks all of you for great support. :)