6 Years, So Sick Of Fighting It

[Cifi]

I'm new to this whole forum thing. I first started therapy for PTSD maybe 6 or a bit more years ago. I'm having these moments lately, when something is triggered and I just think - I am so sick of fighting. So sick of the effort and energy. I feel like I've worked and worked and I guess if I'm honest, it has made a difference. But then I think of my future... dealing with this for life... I just don't want to sometimes. I just want to give up. It seems like my whole life is a god damn trigger some days. I'm just so tired. I don't want to fight it anymore. My husband is so supportive, but sometimes I feel like this is old news to him - it's like he's running through the supportive motions - but to me it's still horrible.

 

[Simaf]

I don't know if this is helpful or not Cifi, but I'll tell you my first thoughts when reading your post.

I have been up-and-down and up-and-down the PTSD roller coaster for years, actually more or less since being a teenager.
And I was always fighting, and the harder I fought the more I wanted to quit. In my mind, "quitting" meant quitting myself, putting an end to myself.

However recently, in the last two years, I have come to realize that if you want to stop fighting, it's not the same thing as ending yourself.
Actually to recover from PTSD, it takes that you stop fighting the impulses your brain are sending you, but you do need to be prepared for this -you need a solid basis on which to do it. Once you have this solid basis, you can start integrating the awful experiences, accepting them, and as such, they will diminish in severity and frequency, and start to dissolve.

You will get to the solid basis. You have struggled for six years, you have been through therapy, you have the guts to do that for yourself.
I am confident that you will build a solid structure on which to stand on, and when you do that, you will notice that you can stop fighting.

Hugs for you if you accept.

 

[Vageja]

Enduring PTSD is so hard. Treatment is even more hard work. It is worth it, but it is tough. I have also learned to try to take breaks from treatment from time to time.

Even though things have improved for me, I still hate PTSD. I get tired of fighting too. It robs us of so much. It really does.

 

[Rujiva]

I am so sick of fighting.

Me too. Just saying.

 

[Rotopa]

Hey you should be actually happy and I guess you are very lucky that your husband is so supportive. Be a sport and fight, you will win for sure.:)

 

[Ekeve]

Rotopa - should? must you "should" on people? If it was only that easy to simply just feel as we "should" then there would be no point for this whole forum.

 

[Cifi]

I know I am very lucky and have a very, very good and supportive husband. That doesn't change the past's intrusion on my future, however. It doesn't change how I feel. If I just wrote 'my husband is beautiful and supportive' and didn't talk about what I'm struggling with, there would be no point in me being on this forum...