Attraction To Working In Dangerous Places And The Fifth World

[Anarchy]

I absolutely loved working in some of the shittiest bits of Africa.

I'm only just beginning to question my motives, after reading @Casey_03 's thread https://www.myptsd.com/threads/job-offer-but-a-dangerous-one.50750/ last night, and the posts by @FridayJones and @darrenS .

whether it's the red dust and the smell of wood smoke in the villages, or the fermenting trash and green and black water in the plastic bag strewn open sewers (and children playing in them) of the urban slums - there just seems to be something that gets into me, and sticks there.

There's a strange feeling of being very alive. Can those of you who have been in military shItholes relate to that?

Does anyone else feel the attraction to go back to places like that?

 

[Casey_03]

@Anarchy - I relocated to Russia when I was 22, without knowing a word of Russian. I know Russia isn't quite a military shithole, and not nearly as dangerous as Africa or other places, but I do think I made the move to get out of my own head. I worked in a few mental hospitals and really depressing orphanges in a provincial town, and I sacrificed my spot in a prestigious postgrad program to do it. Looking back, I really think it was an attempt to reprogram my own mind and get outside of it; I think people who go to warzones are often doing the same thing. Your own problems look petty and minuscule when you put yourself in situations where you are exposed to other people's suffering. I don't regret my decision one bit, even though I think it was motivated by a desire to run away from myself. I am now fluent in Russian and have a very solid understanding of the culture and politics here. I think that is far more valuable than what I would have gotten had I gone on to that postgrad program, where I would've been sheltered and safe. So, I guess some things that PTSD pushes us to do can actually be beneficial in the long run, in that we take the path less travelled. I have often had the urge to go to more dangerous places but I have refrained from doing so.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

What is the fifth world? I looked it up but could find no real meaning.

 

[Friday]

@Solara... LOL..2 steps worse than 3rd world!

It's not an actual definition. More of a long standing joke to intimate when a 3rd world shit hole just isn't enough to convey exactly how you happen to feel.

3rd world is 'just' poverty. 5th world is actively trying to kill you. The ground is mined, the water's poisoned, the wildlife hostile, the weather worse, no basic sanitation, nil communication, no transportation, shite if any medical care, mass graves, object lessons, rape camps, pestilence, starvation, cats & dogs living together... It's madness. And I love it. And hate it. But the definition of an adventure being: any time you're cold/ wet/ miserable & wish you were warm & dry, safe at home, with a good book. Of course, that also goes for f*cking hot. I will not willingly work in swamps. I hate swamps. Unless I'm staring at my fingers for black, praying for frost burn instead of frostbite, trying to warm up by leaning on frozen metal, and that it's just grime I'm looking at and not an amputation waiting to happen. Then I might even be inclined to think swamps aren't the bloody proof of the existence of all things evil. Seriously... Mosquitos? What kind of deity would invent Mosquitos? A mad one, that's who. Pestilence carrying f*ckers. Itching bad enough to make you stab yourself. (And then die of blood infection from the toxic sludge of decay you're up to your waist in, all nice and softened for the damn crocs and gators, but at least you don't have to suffer through malaria burning your brain out, and leishmania eating you like a leper). Ugh. Spiders big enough to shoot. Hell, spiders big enough to wrap their legs all the way around your pack (the holes added to my pack did provide some nice drainage for slogging through, though. The lessened water weight almost being enough to be grateful for a spider roughly the size of a cocker spaniel).

Not to be outdone by the native flora, fauna, weather, & pollution...War lords. Rebel groups. Mercenaries. Gangs. Angry fathers. Avenging mothers. Corruption at all levels. Torture for hire. Pirates. More gangs. Cartels. Armies. Police. Drunk doctors. Child soldiers. Armed kids (2 different things). Attack dogs. Your own side.

It's all very cuddly.

***

As to the actual question, I have a piece I wrote about a 1000 posts back I need to dig out.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I used to be attracted to youth gangs. As an anthropologist, I was even interested in working with youth gangs for a short while, since there's been studies about that. I think maybe you could compare these things -basically, it's related to survival.

These kids are tough and mean, and I sort of respect that, even though on the other hand I can also see the pain that caused them to become like that in the first place. So first, it's a mirror for yourself, and second, because of your own experiences you could actually be able to understand them more... but understanding them more also could mean that it will affect you more.

What is it about the slums that attracts you? Maybe you can jot down a couple of things and discover what it is.

 

[darrenS]

@Radise lol gangs , whilst in Nigeria they tried to keep me away from area boys , which are pretty hard core local gangs . I had to buy black market fuel from them at one time and ended up partying with the gang , it was hilarious . but t the same time these guys kill for cell phones and cash wantonly. But for some reason they decided i was ok , and whenever i was in certain areas i had full protection, of course this also meant drinking with them on occasion and it was all tribal alcohol. I had the same deal with the local militia , they would cover my back and i would pay for drinks every friday .

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

It's kinda weird because if you think about it, gangs make people into d*cks. What they do isn't cool in any way. But I guess they do have a certain appeal because they're streetwise, and know how to hold their own.

They have a "kind' of freedom (not the right freedom, but a sense of it) and they will mouth of everybody who stand in their way because they're strong as a collective. But then if you think about the reasons they joined, and the ways in which they joined, the romance sort of fades immediately.

 

[darrenS]

@Radise, i too have always been interested in gangs , i live near Baltimore and know a few gang members , their internal rules and structure are interesting to say the least , but there is also the element of unpredictability that you have to be careful of . If you keep your word with them and dont act like a fool , they are usually pretty good , but it all depends on the individual as there are gangs that will clean you out in a second. Having spoken to a few of them , its seems they are trapped in the poverty circle and slums and they only way they can make a decent living is to form collectives and pool money and profits and have the necessary muscle to protect their assets. Its a tough world and one that can cost you dearly if you put a foot wrong

 

[AlmostFellForIt]

If I understand you correctly an attraction to the 5th world may be to support being hypervigilant. That is, what better place to be if your hypervigilant, you'd fit in and feel at home, every part if you would feel tuned in.

From my experiences, Flight type people seek adrenalized environments to often help avoid underlying pain , stay busy, workaholic, risk taker, on the look out and reflexive, macabre obsession and so on.

 

[Powder]

From my experiences, Flight type people seek adrenalized environments to often help avoid underlying pain , stay busy, workaholic, risk taker, on the look out and reflexive, macabre obsession and so on.

Thanks! This makes total sense to me. It's perhaps why I'm a workaholic, can't stop "doing" and aiming for perfection, whatever that lofty aim happens to be according to the task.

Also, this explains why teaching English is not hard or stressful enough to keep feelings at bay. I've been wondering if doing autopsies would suit me better. I have avoided medicine because even before I learned the term "dissociation" I knew I had a problem with it.

I would not want to be responsible for live patients. Dead ones, I could handle. Can't accidentally kill one by dissociating. :) LOL

Grew up obsessively reading murder mysteries. Somehow it helps me. I do not watch CSI SVU or any of those shows, nor medical ones. I was raised by medical types who watched surgeries on TV during dinner for fun. So I've been desensitized to blood that way.

 

[AlmostFellForIt]

From Pete Walkers website...

The Flight Type and the Obsessive-Compulsive Defense
Flight types appear as if their starter button is stuck in the "on" position. They are obsessively and compulsively driven by the unconscious belief that perfection will make them safe and loveable. As children, flight types respond to their family trauma somewhere along a hyperactive continuum that stretches between the extremes of the driven "A" student and the ADHD dropout running amok. They relentlessly flee the inner pain of their abandonment and lack of attachment with the symbolic flight of constant busyness.

When the obsessive/compulsive flight type is not doing, she is worrying and planning about doing. Flight types are prone to becoming addicted to their own adrenalization, and many recklessly and regularly pursue risky and dangerous activities to keep their adrenalin-high going. These types are also as susceptible to stimulating substance addictions, as they are to their favorite process addictions: workaholism and busyholism. Severely traumatized flight types may devolve into severe anxiety and panic disorders.

 

[Powder]

Yup. I have that book and am almost done reading it. However, your quoting just this bit makes it seem more applicable to my life. I'm guessing I'm a flight/freeze type. But I have lapsed into Fight/lecture and Fawn/suck up when triggered as well.

I think it's helpful to know what's driving these tendencies, but then comes working on them, aka, the hard part.