Relationship Therapist In Training - What Advice Can You Give Me?

[The Albatross]

No skepticism intended. It's just that I found it curious that clinical psychology and the rest was mentioned but nothing with respect to what she is interested about with regard to PTSD.

 

[falling_wave]

I think it's great that you are coming here and looking beyond the textbook. I suffer from ptsd but I have also learned so much from it. I am also working towards becoming a therapist. I think my understanding of being a client and intense emotions has helped me so so much in this journey. I agree with some others that being a client if you have never been in therapy helps because you begin to think outside of how your mind normally circles. You can apply this to yourself or to understanding and guiding conversations with clients. Aside from this here are a few things to keep in mind:

PTSD has highs and lows and not in the sense of manic and depressive. It usually alters between depression and a sense of healthy hopefulness and then can be triggered by even the smallest things and creates extreme anxiety and despair which are very hard to cope with unless there has been a lot of practice of coping skills and knowledge of triggers. A lot of somatic feeling pain too. It's like a roller coaster and it is discouraging and exhausting to be feeling hopeful and then have all your hard word smashed time and time again.

For me PTSD is very lonely. The symptoms itself isolate and if a person is "good" at coping or faking for that matter they experience such a sense of distance from other people no matter how close in proximity they are. I think the points of anxiety and despair bring out a longing for connection and true understanding from another meaningful person And it also brings out grief from the trauma, the loss of normalcy, and the loss of knowing who you would have been without it. That feeling really extends my depressive points but I also feel it is what has helped with my growth the most. I long and yearn for someone to really know me and in therapy I realize that if I let her know me she will. For that reason I really let my guard down and become vulnerable and it has changed me for the better and also helped me understand what it feels like for a client to be vulnerable. That's one of the strongest feelings in therapy with many people reacting differently but the same root. I get a surge of emotion and physical sensation almost like pain in my chest and my emotions are raw. I almost feel at the mercy of where that person (therapist) will move me when I can't move myself. I think understanding that without always mentioning that but just being perceptive to a person's experience will help. It's something clients can sense from you and it will go a long way with trust.

As far as going back and experiencing the past I've found its better over time. I like linking emotions to past and current events. Its what has helped my insight a ton and helped working with others. If you have somewhat of a history and someone is discussing something current and you can pull a prominent feeling suggest connections with when this feeling might have happened in the past. It really completes fragmented memories and gives power to create insight based change.

Oh and be consistent with who you are, how you work, and your boundaries. People who have had trauma are really perceptive to real and perceived loss and the possibility of distrust.

There are a lot of really intelligent insightful people who only struggle because of what has happened so I think you will find the work rewarding. Feel free to ask any other questions.

 

[falling_wave]

I think someone else mentioned asking questions. I absolutely second that. Not asking means the disconnect grows and abandonment can be perceived. Asking also means you want to be there with the client in their experience.

 

[Sammyiam]

I just want to say that I've just started with a clinical pyschologist a few months ago and was really scared and frightened. She has slowly made me feel a little bit safe with her. I think that the most important thing to me is that she really cares and I'm not just another number. She doesn't make her appointments straight after the other so there is always 15 minutes In between so no one sees any else coming in or out plus she has a room where she makes me sit until I feel ok to drive again as I feel really wobbley afterwards from disassoication. I can tex her or e -mail her when ever during the week but I don't often at all, only have a few times. But she has put the offer to me than I can and she will promise to always get back to me, maybe not straight away if she has a client but as so on as she can. She has been true to her word and the few times I have she has always got back to me. If you say you are going to do something carry through and do whatever it takes to keep your word. I think it is really great that you are on here looking at ways to help, so to me you sound like you have a great start in being a caring therapist

Good luck with your therapy
Sorry if it isn't what you wanted
Sammy

 

[anthony]

@orangeweezel seriously congratulations on your work and not being scared away from coming to the source, being a bulk of those who suffer a problem. Seriously impressed. You are on a very short list of therapists who come here seeking insight into PTSD from those who suffer it and those who care for those who suffer it. Actually, with you, you still fit on one hand for counting fingers... and that's coming around to 10 years of this site operating.

Books are solid, I think you know that already. I think you would learn more from reading here, and asking clarification and such on issues you don't understand fully from those involved...

Its very refreshing to have someone so open to just asking... instead of believing you're an expert from psychology books and such. Huge respect for you.

 

[Jane.l]

For me one of the biggest issues in therapy,( apart from the massive trust and abandonment issues) has been the Lack of the ability to be able to 'talk' and talking therapy is not great if you end up with a session of silence. So often I either dissociate or shut down, I am aware I am meant to be talking but nothing functions, I can't think or speak - so fustrating, when I knew what I wanted to say and it was right there till I went to actually speak the words - and then lock down, I sometimes want to give up because I know my T can't help me if I can't talk.

Good luck

 

[Recovery4Me]

Thank you in advance for any help you can offer in helping me grow as a clinician!

It is very important for me to encourage you to take time for your own self care and keep your boundaries strong while in practice. And should you start feeling weighted by the stories that you hear...make sure you are heard by a peer to keep yourself grounded, validated and as beautifully compassionate inside as you are exhibiting in this moment.:hug:

Thank you for being you and bless you for all those you have helped so far and will assist in the future. Peace be with you.

 

[Sandstone]

Have a cozy but professional space. Not like a huge desk between you and your client

But I'd say have a desk or table between us. Without a barrier I feel too exposed. So maybe it's just - accept that every person deals with the experience differently.
Give me structure and agree a plan for each session.
Be very open about the process - it's too easy for me to slip back into feeling trapped and manipulated

 

[WillyKat]

What I'm about to say may sound harsh, but there's a point to it.

Speaking metaphorically, try crawling through a sewer inhabited by beasts as yet unknown to science. Then read as many of these posts as you can. Then try to imagine what its like getting a vision of a gun to your head whenever you try to kiss a girl. Try to find a way to understand how it feels to get your affairs in order, knowing that any day someone will put the last straw on your back. Imagine what it might feel like for a child to be molested and not being able to communicate to their caregivers what occurred...then feeling for the rest of your life that every negative event is a lot like that one.

If you're still interested in clinical psychology after that, then you are either worthy or in need of counselling yourself.

There are too many times when those of us with PTSD have gone to counsellors for help only to find people ill equipped to deal with PTSD. And by ill-equipped, I don't just mean lack of training but just their basic character. So you need to be more than educated. There has to be some purpose to drive you in this direction.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Then try to imagine what its like getting a vision of a gun to your head whenever you try to kiss a girl.

Holy CRAP! Yeah, that's kind of what its like, and I'd say that MOST people don't get this.... Please don't tell a client that relationships are scary for everyone. (This minimizes the issue and makes it seem like it is a normal fear when it goes waaay beyond normal.) I get this sort of minimization everywhere I turn. Yes, relationships ARE scary for many people, but for many of us, it goes beyond a mere "scare factor" in that we are absolutely TERRIFIED of the possibility. Sort of think of it like this....You know how for most people love is a good thing, we can't get enough, and it is energizing, positive, and wonderful? Ok, throw that concept away. Think of something that is terrifying, makes you feel so unsafe you will run to the ends of the earth to avoid it and feel safe again.... This is "love" for many of us. The problem lies in the human need for socialization and companionship, so can you see why we struggle so much? We desperately WANT that closeness but alarm bells go off in our heads and say "RUN" when we get close to people. In the pyramid of needs, what trumps what? Yup, SAFETY wins EVERY time.

I think that seeing as how I'm now 35 and haven't been able to commit to anyone in my life, I'd say my issues definitely lie outside the realm of normal relationship fears. I really do wish that therapists could understand this, but I haven't had one yet!

Latest guy? I convinced him (YES, CONVINCED HIM!) that we shouldn't get serious, we shouldn't define anything, that the best relationships were when we were young and carefree and not worried about tomorrow because we are so enamored with living in the present moment and just having fun. No worries about commitment or marriage or kids or....anything but right here and right now. No labels, no definitions, nothing needed beyond "I care about you and I am here" because THAT is all that I need. The "L" word LITERALLY makes me want to throw things across the room. No joke. Usually my phone is in my hand, and I've already broken an iPhone thru an Otterbox over this issue, so that right there gives me pause to not break anything else.

So maybe this gives a little window into why/how love feels so dangerous to us.

I've diffused all of my other trigger words. I have not yet diffused "love". Sigh.

 

[sun seeker]

@falling_wave, thank you so much for that insightful post. I read through it nodding, thinking "This is PTSD? I thought it was just me!" If you can keep all that present when you become a therapist you will do a wonderful job.

There is just one thing I would add to your comments. When you say

I think the points of anxiety and despair bring out a longing for connection and true understanding from another meaningful person And it also brings out grief from the trauma, the loss of normalcy, and the loss of knowing who you would have been without it. That feeling really extends my depressive points but I also feel it is what has helped with my growth the most. I long and yearn for someone to really know me and in therapy I realize that if I let her know me she will.

there is a caveat to keep in mind. That longing for connection is a double-edged sword. Allowing oneself to be that vulnerable and having that vulnerability met with connection and understanding is one of the points where true healing occurs. At the same time, being vulnerable and being hurt because we choose vulnerability around the wrong person or in the wrong circumstances can exacerbate symptoms and compound the original trauma. That is why being in a position where a client reaches out for that connection is almost a sacred trust. There's a huge amount of responsibility there and it isn't something you can rush.

 

[Suzetig]

Think of something that is terrifying, makes you feel so unsafe you will run to the ends of the earth to avoid it and feel safe again.... This is "love" for many of us. The problem lies in the human need for socialization and companionship, so can you see why we struggle so much? We desperately WANT that closeness but alarm bells go off in our heads and say "RUN" when we get close to people. In the pyramid of needs, what trumps what? Yup, SAFETY wins EVERY time.

This. It's nearly impossible to see a relationship as therapeutic when being in a close relationship is triggering in and of itself. I've had a panic attack just letting someone know I felt ill and needed to leave work. Sitting 1:1 in a room telling my T my thoughts and fears, that can feel like utter torture if taken too quickly or forced.

The idea that damage done in relationship can only be healed in relationship is a good one, but the healing relationship is so hard to trust because the damage runs so deep.