Shutting Down

[Casey_03]

I have always handled my anxiety by basically sucking it up and forcing myself to do whatever was causing the anxiety. I never wanted to set a precedent for myself by giving in to it. But today I have; I have cancelled the plans I had, declined to do the freelance work offered to me (that would've brought me much-needed money). I can't even bring myself to walk 5 minutes to the shop. I just can't. I'm shutting down. I know it is probably counterproductive but I'm hanging on by a thread at this point and don't want to push it. I can't imagine being around people or our of my apartment right now. I just can't do it. I give up.

 

[Underdog]

I understand and feel your pain. The spin I put on it is that while you may feel like you aren't doing anything productive (earning money, leaving the apartment, etc...), you are listening to yourself and hopefully nurturing yourself through this rough patch. By doing so, you are being productive by doing what you need and sometimes must do to get through a dark/rough patch.

 

[Mirlat]

Underdog is right on the mark. When I took a fatigue workshop a couple of years ago during chemo, I learned that there will be days when the most you can do is walk once around the house, but it's not going to be like that every day (and if it is, we need to seek more help). It was quite a revelation to me to learn that the best I could do is to accept it. The alternative would be to beat myself up about it, but that would make me more tired;). I'm trying to apply the same thing to my newly diagnosed PTSD. My biggest challenge during an episode is to remember that I have choices. Sonicwhite posted a spreadsheet of thoughts he refers to that help him through it. May all your tomorrows bring you a greater decrease in anxiety.

 

[Mirlat]

Correction. It wasn't sonicwhite. It was beyondrepair who posted the spreadsheets.

 

[Born to Run]

I agree with @Underdog in that this is listening to yourself, this is what you feel. Only when you start feeling what you really feel, can you start healing.

 

[sun seeker]

I just can't do it. I give up.

Hey Casey, giving yourself a break is not the same thing as giving up. Please be gentle with yourself.