Relationship O.m.g. What Happened Now?

[Sabrina0712]

Just a week and a half ago we had a great day...he moved here from OK n now is in CO. At first he didn't want to see me but I insisted...I told him I was going to go see American Sniper again (my fourth time) n it would have been his 3rd time. I got the tics n told him to meet me at the theater n he showed up :) more loving n caring than ever...kept wanting to hug me n putting his arms around me. After that he wanted to take me out to lunch...we had a great lunch. He was again caring n so loving...we talked about his move here...his family. I just sat there n listened n was in awe that he was so sweet. He told me he said his goodbye to his exes in OK n kept insisting nothing happened...he just wanted to leave in good terms. All I did was sit there n just listened n answered n asked questions. After lunch I had to go pick up my kids but he wouldn't let me go...it was like he didn't want me to leave him alone. I told him let me pick my kids up meet me at the ice cream shop n we will have ice cream together...he followed me home which was 45 mins from where he lived...the weather was horrible but he still came. We had ice cream together (it was like I was in a dream)...I was so happy that he wanted to spend time w/me...after ice cream he still couldn't let me go. He took my work badge...hoping that I wouldn't end the night.
I didn't..I invited him back to my place n we had such a good time talking n talking its all we did but of course he couldn't go to sleep n he needed his pills so he left but he started getting cold right before leaving but I had to work in the morning so I didn't fuss n let him go. That was over 2 weeks ago...n we talked everyday since than until one day...he didn't call me all day...he said he was changing his number. So I couldn't reach him...I don't have his number or his address. I waited all day Sun March 8th but no call from him. The night before he was so sweet n caring n than Sunday came along and he said he needed to change his number...than no call or text all day Sun.
Finally on Monday he texted me...sweet n caring but it was one of the free numbers not his real number (some number you can disconnected whenever you wanted to). I told him I was worried about him n I missed him. Then as soon as I said that he deleted the number n now it has been since we spoke on Wed March 11th...he has not tried to reach me or talk to me. I panicked n this past Mon since not hearing from him for a few days...I texted him on this site where we first met...I could see he was logged on. I asked him what I did wrong? What did I say wrong? He called me all sorts of names, called me old (he is 8 years younger than me), called me a stalker n said he wants nothing to do w/me...n that he will find someone better n younger but I have no clue what I did except say I missed when I didn't hear from him that one day!!!
Than he said I am sure you were miserable not hearing from me for a few days...now imagine the rest of your life n than he blocked me from his page n I couldn't text him. Yes I stalked him on that site n I wrote him on that site but I had no other way of reaching him...no number no address!
I am so lost! What happened???
N btw on this site you talk to n also get to know other ppl of the opposite sex...I am just so so lost :( I have no clue what I did wrong.
Please any advice on what I should do next or not do is GREATLY APPRECIATED!

 

[Born to Run]

To get a more complete picture of the relationship could you tell a bit more, about the background? Who is he? He moved there for you? Old friend/boyfriend? Maybe you did before in another post, but then I missed that. Does he or you have ptsd? He sounds extremely possessive and unhealthy with not letting you pick up your kids and taking away your work badge. It could be about major abandonment issues on his side. If you have no clue what you did wrong, I suppose you did not do anything wrong. There are a lot of twisted people out there, who always want you to make believe you did something wrong. He sounds very unpredictable in his reactions, which make no sense to me at all. It reminds me of my borderline mother; pull close, pull away and the pull away always because I did something wrong, which was plain nonsense, just her illness.

 

[Sabrina0712]

I am sorry I wasn't very clear @Born to Run but he is the one w/PTSD. We met thru this site...when I was thinking of leaving my husband but I was leaving him for me not him n he was always planning on moving to CO. We have been talking for about 10mths. Well I left my husband due to him also telling him everything. He is possessive n extremely judgemental of me cause it was hard for me to leave 16 years of marriage w/kids but I did leave n we are seperated at this point...reason why he won't give me his real number or his address but he wants to know everything in my life. For instance...during lunch he just grabbed my phone n started looking thru it but not once gave me his phone. He has major trust issues...he is only 31 n has been divorced 3 times.
My ques is I don't know what tiggered him disappearing again...this is the longest he hasn't spoken to me n want nothing to do w/me. The only thing I think I did wrong was...he had asked me for money but I refuse to put money on the table cause I never asked him for that ever n I said no n than he just disappeared! I know its not my fault cause I did the right thing by not giving him money but it just hurts to know that he was only interested in me for money if that is the case :(
I am just so hurt n instead of feeling angry I am feeling so sad...I have a right to be angry cause I don't deserve this especially since I have always been good to him...constantly it has been about him n never what I am going thru.
I am just wondering do you think I would ever hear from him or is he completely done w/me? Just a couple weeks ago...I wish I can explain how he was to me...like he couldn't let go n now this...I just don't get it. Now he is angry cause I won't give him money n he wants nothing to do w/me :(

I am sorry I am just hurting n writing what is on my mind. Thank you for reading my post. I just need advice on this.

 

[Born to Run]

No problem. I understand this is really sad for you, and it hurts if someone treats you like this. Yes, as you say you deserve better than this. You must believe that you have done nothing wrong. Did you expect to continue your life with him? I would not let myself be manipulated by him any longer. He certainly does not respect you in that he knows his boundaries, and has treated you wrong. Would you want to continue with such a person and be worried all the time that this will happen again? Relationships built on manipulation are not healthy for you or anyone. Apart from that you write it has always been about him. Is that what you want from a relationship? Sorry, I can find nothing positive for you in what you write. You don't have to fix this, he has to fix himself. He is wrong, not you.

 

[Sabrina0712]

I did nothing wrong @Born to Run...he tried to use me but I stuck to my guns n said no to the money. I told him when I contacted him on the site...you love me for me not for what I have. I loved you for what you are not what you are willing to give me n he couldn't :( Now I am hurting cause I feel like I was used. Just hurts so much but I just want to know do you think he would ever contact me again or what I said was the end of it all? We have gotten in bigger arguments n he has disappeared before but never this long. I just need an answer to move on w/ my life...I know its not the correct wording but to hear it from supporters n sufferers on this site it helps me more than anything.

Thank you,

 

[Neverthesame]

Huh... He asked you for money? That would be a huge red flag for me. Does/did he have a substance abuse problem?

I know it doesn't feel this way but, I think you may have dodged a bullet there. If not, well. That's just damn peculiar.

 

[ihateusernames]

This sounds like an incredibly unhealthy relationship with an incredibly immature guy. I can guess you came here hoping to hear that the things he is doing are due to his illness and that if you give him enough support or time or space or whatever that you can have a real relationship with him?

My advice- don't get yourself wrapped up in this. My experience- guys on internet dating sites are full of it. He tells you he has ptsd. Maybe he does, maybe he lies about it to get sympathy. He disappears for extended periods and doesn't give you any contact information, maybe he has commitment issues or is going through a rough time, or maybe he's hiding something else entirely. I don't know. But you're right, you don't deserve this and you are not at a point in your relationship with him where you owe him anything at all. Additionally, coming right out of a bad marriage is probably clouding your judgment and making you jump on any bit of attention this guy throws you.

I don't know how insightful this may or may not be for you, but I'll tell you about the early stages of my relationship with my husband- he is a ptsd sufferer and so probably am I, although I've never sought out an official diagnosis one way or the other:

When I met him he asked for my number almost right away, which was kind of ick to me, but I have my own issues, so I gave it to him. We went out, it was nice, peaceful, he was super sweet, etc. We tried to set up another date, but I had prior commitments during his free times and it was difficult. He assumed that I was not really interested and he more or less disappeared for 5 months. I ran into him, we got together and went out again. We started seeing each other regularly and talking on the phone daily. Then one day he told me that he needed space and that everything was becoming too much for him. I took that as a breakup and ceased contact. He showed up at my door with a valentine's present. I was confused. He says he never meant anything at all about breaking up, that he literally wanted to spend some time by himself (we've been together 14 years now, it's true, he needs a lot of space and time to himself). We've been together ever since.

You'll see that there were similar fears and misconceptions and jumping the gun- sorts of things, but never any of this on again, off again, name calling, degrading, abusive, suffocating, game playing stuff. We are 2 thoroughly messed up people that have succeeded in having a reasonably adult relationship. There have been a lot of insecurities and abandonment issues, etc, etc. We've had jealousy issues, living together was a complete nightmare at first. There have also been some other, much bigger problems, too. I'm not saying things have been perfect or easy peasy at all.

I'm telling you this so that you will understand that this guy's ptsd, if he has it, is no reason to let him run all over you and get into your head and mess you up. He might act this way because of whatever trauma he has suffered, but don't believe that one follows the other or that this is just how it is with any guy who has ___.

I don't want to be telling you to ditch him and I understand the drive to "save" him. Oh man, do I, but is this really what you (or your kids for that matter) need in your life right now?

 

[Friday]

He is possessive n extremely judgemental of me cause it was hard for me to leave 16 years of marriage w/kids but I did leave n we are seperated at this point...reason why he won't give me his real number or his address but he wants to know everything in my life. For instance...during lunch he just grabbed my phone n started looking thru it but not once gave me his phone. He has major trust issues...

So... This is the guy you lied to: told him you were single & childless & a decade younger than you are, when you were actually married with children? Who broke up with you & sent proof of the affair you tricked him into to your husband? You're back together and don't know why he doesn't trust you?

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/please-help.49623/#post-789829

 

[ihateusernames]

told him you were single & childless & a decade younger than you are

Wait, what, this? I'm so lost.

 

[Born to Run]

Oops @FridayJones that puts it all in a different perspective. This is getting too complicated, I am out.

 

[Neverthesame]

Wait, what, this?

And I'm officially confused. Now I remember why I avoid giving relationship advice.

 

[Sabrina0712]

Yes...I didn't tell him I was married or I had kids...but I was only speaking to him about friendship cause I had a sick cat at that time n he had knowledge about it n I didn't know what was PTSD or he had until after he found out everything...but since than I have been seperated n trying to move on w/my life. I apologized numerous times for what I did n he sometimes would accept it but when he would get into his moods he would bring up all the past. I am sorry but I am being honest here.
I know I don't deserve this...I was just looking for answers here that is all.