My Anger Comes on So Fast

[kitkat]

I'm a 25 year old female who has ptsd. My anger is so strong and out of control and I try so hard to calm it down but it comes on so fast and I just can't stop. People say, "think before you speak" but that's what my problem is.....I don't have time to think about it, it just erupts out of nowhere. I'm not a violent person but I'm known for having a very sharp tongue and saying stuff that makes people want to have nothing to do with me. I don't mean half of what I say when I'm going off, I'm just running my mouth, but I regret it and apologize for days afterward when I hurt someones feelings. I'm so confused and want to control my anger before I run everyone out of my life. Does anyone in here have the same anger problem that just sneaks up on you and erupts before you can stop it or think about it? I need help and any advice on how to deal with this. I appreciate it.

 

[ga yankee]

Wow....just the last few weeks I've been going through all this and it's so new to me. I've always been the one to freeze or fly...I never allowed myself to get really angry and then show it. I was always afraid I couldn't control it like my abusive family. Always afraid I'd cross that "line" and never be able to come back. Always afraid I'd do real damage to someone or something. So I ate the anger....big gulps and kept everything inside. Now I'm really feeling pissed, frustrated and down right angry and I don't know what to do with it. Last night I grabbed a broom and just banged the crap out of it until it was just splinters. When the PTSD started for me I got a phone call from my family and just snapped. I took the phone outside and beat it with an axe. 2 episodes in 18 months and it was still too much for me. See, those things scare me. I would NEVER hurt another person (that's why I have this damn thing in the first place) but I'm really really afraid. But I'm more afraid of how bottled up I'm feeling right now. I feel like I could explode half the time. That also brings on the anxiety, depression, and hopeless feelings. My whole life I've controlled everything and now I can't control anything. Pretty crappy feeling.

 

[Lucky Laser]

I have this problem; something will trigger me and then I go into a rage and its like there are two sides to me. There is the very angry side raging away, yelling, crying, etc., and then the other part of me who knows I'm being irrational and ridiculous as its happening but can't do anything to stop it. With help it has improved though. It takes a lot of self motivation and some hard work but it can be done. What is working best for me is a combination of determination, therapy, and medication.

It sounds like you already have the desire to improve so if you haven't already you might want to find a good therapist. If you're not ready for that yet read up on the information pages here and give it some thought.

 

[Mick]

My tongue is as sharp as the devils tail I was once told. It takes everything I have to keep it in some times. Meds and Therapy are my best tools right now. A hobby can help like exercise or something strenuous to get the anger out. I used to play in some down right brutal punk rock bands and it was always a release for my anger. I could say all the shit inside me in the lyrics and just scream them as loud as I could into the microphone. That is a release I can't replicate now.

 

[Firenze]

Someone I know has anger problems too, and has recently started to try to notice the blank space before the anger. I have a few anger problems too but haven't managed to do this myself (I think it can be quite hard to do). But apparently he finds this to be a good way of being mindful. If you can notice the signs of blankness/calm before the storm, I think it helps you to divert it or understand why it is happening.

Obviously I don't know much about it and am far from being this controlled myself!! :) Does anyone else know more about this technique?

 

[Deleted member 541]

I used to go 0 to bitch in .01 seconds. Now it takes a longer to ruffle my feathers. Took tons of looking at myself, a good therapist, and figuring out just who and what I was pissed at before I got a better handle on things.

My advice would be to look at yourself, get into therapy and let go of the anger as soon as you can. It's a negative, and we already have enough of those in our lives.

 

[sunnydaze]

I find myself less able to deal with people. I use to bottle things inside but lately, I have been saying what's on my mind. I don't get violent but confrontational when I see wrong being done. My T has been trying to teach me cognitive skills so I can learn to go to my safe space and think of something relaxing. I am not at the point as yet to remember doing this before thec outbursts.
sunnydaze

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

I have problems with anger and it's been real bad for the past month. I'm so mean to people when I talk to them. I signed out of about 10 groups on the internet because I couldn't keep my mean opinions to myself.

I always feel bad after I say something mean. I have been working on anger for about 12 years now and have improved, but would like for it to be gone. I used to get into physical fights with random people and now I have managed to go 7 years without a physical fight. If I could just figure out what causes this for no reason????????

Tammy

 

[Mick]

I still get into fights but not just because I'm drunk anymore. I try to avoid them but sometimes I just can't stop myself from getting in some ones face when they piss me off even though I know thats how I get into some bad situations.

 

[Cecilia]

notice the blank space before the anger.

This is excellent advice. Unfortunately, everyone occassionally lashes out in anger and with me, it is usually the people I love most or feel most comfortable with. When this happens, and it does, I apologize.

But when it becomes a habit I have to stop and say "why am I angry?" "Why am I taking out my stress on these people?"

Last week I said "I don't know why I am angry." My friend said, "yes you do. You can deny it all you want, but that does not excuse it or change it."

So I think the best advice is "notice the blank space before the anger" and work really hard at changing your thinking. Say "this is irrational and I'm not giving into it." or "I have blown this out of proportion and skewed this conversation" or "I have the right to be angry, but the responsibility to react appropriately". Then hold back, grit your teeth and let it pass or react with the proper rationality.

This is very difficult, but attainable. I'm not there yet, but working very hard and have seen much improvement.

 

[lnicho7]

I had a friend that I was incredibly close to and told her just about everything. There were two occassions where, when she had too much to drink, she lost control of her anger and blew up. She said the most hurtful things to me and used all of the things I had told her as amunition. The first time I forgave her because I knew her past childhood abuse and I cared so much about her. She promised it would never happen again but it did. I was really hurt but I think I would have gotten over it had she apologized and made an effort to deal with her anger. She had been meaning to find a therapist for some time and she just kept putting it off. Anyway, my point is that I still care about her but I have to watch out for myself and I can't have a friend in my life that can just tear me down in a matter of seconds. I could have remained close to her though and continued to support her if she sought help to deal with her childhood abuse and anger. She would not acknowledge she had a problem and that is what I think will drive people away. No one is perfect but if you strive to get help when you need it to not only avoid hurting your loved ones, but to help yourself and give yourself the quality of life you deserve. My advice is to talk to someone about your anger and to let your friends and family know you are working on your anger, that you will have your slip ups, but you want to help yourself.

 

[FREEDOMROX]

I know I am not a part of this thread of discussion, but I must say that this is the best advise I have heard in all my 43 years. NOTICE the "BLANK SPACE"!

See, my problem is, if I drink to relieve the stress, (and rarely ever drink enough to get drunk like I did 20 years ago), I find that I have the "blank space" where there is no thought that I am cognizant of. I am almost certain that I am reliving many different traumas and amalgamating them into one false argument, then let loose on the one I love the most. Only I have no memory of it when I awake the next morning. I know this sounds extreme, but after the housefire in 2000, (for some unknown reason, other than Dr.s' telling me that oxygen deprivation caused them), I had seizures, and I am talking about Gran Maul's, up to 8 times a week. If you know nothing abou them, they leave you stupified and with a memory loss of up to 48 hours. Debilitating.

Once I got off Depakote, had an allergic reaction to Dylantin, and Neurontin left me as a zombie, as did all the others, and anti-depressants working on me just the opposite, I then was advised by my future father-in-law that a Dr. out in California had a natural formula for what he called "Super Tonic". It is very hot, and have made Mexicans cry. I am not promoting it at all, as many people have different experiences and tolerance levels I am sure, but I make it for myself and would share the ingredients to making it if the forum administrator allows it.

The point is; what it does is stimulate blood flow throughout the body. I was on a cane and crippled from the lack of blood flow to my right leg as a consequence of couch springs at 800 degrees springing uo and thru my leg, and was why I took the first batch from future father-in-law. It actually does promote an oxygen increase and highly stimulated blood flow confirmed by my Pulmonologist.

Additionally, the seizures became less and less severe and then stopped and I was able to become more active. Unfortunately, these have taken the form of what my Neurologist calls, "blackouts". He says they are short circuits where my brain was damaged from lack of oxygen eight years ago when I died three times, once for 5 and a half minutes.

I don't know if he knows what he is talking about, but the "blank space" is typical of the onset of an episode of delusional anger and pinning the blame on the one I love most, when she mostly doesn't even know about.

But, I read this thread and it all clicked. I know how you feel like you are another person, but instead of standing back observing this and unable to stop it, I have no cognizance of it at all, other than the "blank space" before such an episode occurs.

Thank you so much for the advise, Firenze and Lucky Laser, for it has been only through recognizing this "blank Spot", which I have noticed before an irrational rage, but never had a name for it, that I have gained a small modicum of control over it these last few weeks.

Lord, thank you for all you good folks. I am just now beginning to learn that not only am I not alone, but have comminications with people that can really help by just relating their own stories and experiences.

God Bless all of you.
Daniel