scout86
VIP Member
This seems like a complicated area. I totally agree that perpetrators are responsible for what they do. Actually, we are ALL responsible for what we do and don't do. But I think it's true that we can learn to deal "better" with the predators of the world. We can learn to recognize them and to avoid them at least some of the time. Should we have to do that? In an ideal world, no. Even in THIS world, there's nothing saying you HAVE to, but it might be a good idea. Even that isn't a guarantee, as far as I know.
It comes down to something similar to "How do you deal with bullies?" doesn't it? Never acquiring any skills to deal with them is an option. I'm not so sure it's a good one. No one should HAVE to deal with them, but they exist, regardless. Learning techniques for recognizing them and dealing with them just seems smart, to me.
This "blame the victim/you shouldn't NEED to protect yourself" split comes up a lot. There is truth on both sides. I think it's tempting to blame the victim because it makes you feel a bit safer yourself if you can see their "mistakes". But if they ARE making mistakes, don't they need to know that? It seems a little stupid to wander through life being a victim just because you don't think perpetrators ought to exist. Of course they shouldn't exist, but they DO. You can BE a victim regardless. Some perps look for easy targets all the time. Most probably look for easy targets at least when they can get them but will take what they can get, if they want it bad enough. Some might even prefer a challenge, who knows? Being vulnerable is like anything else. There are forms that are safer than others. There are people who are more trustworthy than others. There are ways of figuring this out. IMO, a lot of the problem arises because "victims" tend not to have much self esteem. They tend not to think they have the right to have boundaries or expectations of being respected and cared about. They tend to think their feelings don't matter. If you're looking for someone to take advantage of, would you not start with a prospect who thought it was ok, if you could? So maybe by "simply" accepting that it's NOT ok, you make yourself a less desirable target?
I'm not sure what the anonymous poster was going for with their comments. Maybe just that there is some nuance to this topic?
