Yes totally felt (know) it, especially because here now it's becoming a legal option I could take.
I can only try to describe it this way
@cherryblossom , when I think that, my thinking is going in one direction, not wrong but only along one train of thought. For example, if I can decrease the pain only so much, I feel at the end of the rope. So are there ways to increase peace & happiness? (Sort of like the analogy of chemo killing off cancer cells, but rather immunotherapy boosting the immune system). Except that I don't say this as something I 'thought' of, if anything only sunday I realized how much of the grief & pain & fear I carry from shame, & an identity that includes (because of symptom management) a constant reminder of not just the trauma(s) but the aspects of them wherein I think of myself with shame, brokenness, & being 'crazy' & flawed. Fear in the present, inability to imagine a future, fear of the past being disclosed, you name it. A toxic cocktail, these thoughts. I realize that my surroundings are still secondary to the internal pain, but the internal pain & pressure & chaos are mostly the ptsd's lies. If you can recognize the ptsd as a liar, & if we can reclaim some self-worth & leave ALL of this behind (not denial, & we will still have symptoms but 'we' are 'new') then those feelings decrease.
What is difficult is 'trying' to get better we are constantly reminding ourselves of every negative experience & feeling we hold. We almost have to distract ourselves from ourselves.
We did the best we could under the circumstances, we survived (whether we wanted to or not, but we did), & 'it' is over. We start new, we don't have to fight anymore 'within it' (even if our mind's tell us we still are.)
'We' are not (in everyone's eyes) just 'it'.
(I hope that makes sense, I didn't come to such a conclusion just on my own.)
