I Could Never Understand Suicide Hotlines?!

[Smile]

I could never understand people saying, "if you feel suicidal, call a hotline or a friend, ext."

If I was ready to end this miserable existence I call my life, the last thing I would want is someone meddling in & hindering my attempt.

I have said this before but... I have no more energy to fight the fight. If I knew (any tips?) of a painless, sure fire way of killing myself, I think I'm about reedy. I just don't wantvit to be a "suicide attempt" & be left hospitalized, brain dead & all that fun jazz

 

[Neverthesame]

As both a former EMT, and someone who has been where you are. Nope. I have never seen, or figured out a way. Even things one would think would be. There is still a chance you may spend the rest of your life staring up at the ceiling of a care facility.

Can't tell you what a suicide hotline is like either. Only that I am actually seriously considering it today. For what it's worth, your not alone.

 

[mrsps]

I could never call a hotline etc as 1: I don't like talking on the phone and 2: I don't like talking about stuff to someone I don't know and trust, they wouldn't get anything out of me.
I have never attempted suicide because I am scared I would not do it properly and like you have said end up brain dead or the likes and then be worse off. I read something the other day .......it was something along the lines of "I don't want to live but I don't want to kill myself" This really rung true with me.

 

[Friday]

Lol... It's once you've already gotten past ideation, and are effing done, and do try to off yourself (or get tranq'd or otherwise prevented) and have lived through it... And come out the other side? That even once you're suicidal you still fight. Cause you know that this dark, it's just a thing. Temporary as anything else.

Too many people never learn that. They're suicidal, act, and die.

Or break themselves so badly, they used to know what pain was, but now it's a whole new level of it. What they thought couldn't get worse? Did. And now it's a whole new level of dark to figure ones way out of.

Personally... I go for the most f*cked up, long, drawn out, painful ways possible. But I'm contrary like that. Also, every time I have gone there? Found a reason to live. Or six. Sigh. Okay. Carry on. And then life gets amazing, again. And I relearn that this dark? It's just a thing. Temporary. Like everything else.

 

[anthony]

Hotlines have a purpose IMHO, being those who are in ideation, as yourself, where you want to die, but just aren't ready to commit, and probably more scared that your attempt could fail, thus you have to live with unknown repercussions.

A very conclusive study on suicide showed that approximately 90% or more of all suicides, the decision was made within 5 minutes of them committing the act. Up until that point, most people are still deciding... which is where help can change a persons mind.

Very few people map out an actual plan over a period of time, and then execute it... very few. This to means hotlines can, and do, save lives.

 

[Fadeaway]

A day late but hopping you check in with us. There are people here who want to help hold you up and try to ease the burden that causes so much exhaustion.

I am not a fan of the hotlines myself. I am sure that are good ones out that do save lives, but there are bad ones that are very dangerous as well (as a whole and as individual counselors)

I do believe Anthony is correct though. I have expressed suicidal idealization I even came up with a two year plan in which I had picked a method a date and who I was going to write letters to ahead of time. and dang it if I didn't have the energy to carry out the plan.

My mom on the other hand, well... from what I heard from the woman that was there was that my mom was fine one minute (although coming off of a long stint on meth) and then she wasn't and that was it. No real warning. I guess she took a crap ton of pills, but it took until the next morning until it finally had her desired effect. Her friend who was high got scared and left (yup jail time happened) She was found the next morning by my uncle, given her her location, it looked like she was trying to get to a phone or her computer because she changed her mind and tried to call for help. ( I am guess the drugs acted slowly because she had a tolerance to street drugs maybe?)

 

[ms spock]

I am a fan of hotlines. SuicideCallBack line in Australia is very, very good. Professionally run with qualifed people. They have helped me.

Lifeline is a mixed bag but if you get someone not so good you can say you have to go and hang up and ring back. Some of them are very good.

Sometimes it helps just to talk it out.

Support is out there. You just have to reach out. Easier said than done I know.

I have been where you are, and I have gone the whole hog in October/November 2013. I kept planning it and planning it. I was an odd one. I started suicidal ideation at 8 years old and I used it to manage it all the way up until two years ago. It is dangerous thinking, avoidant and not so good, but you know that.

Feel for you, I really do.

 

[Samantha_38]

I've found myself wondering the same thing about hotlines. I think I agree they must have to be for the inbetween time frame, not for the last moment when you've already decided.

My issue has always been that if you're at that point its truly what you want, no one would call. We all know what that will lead to. If you're calling you don't "really" want to yet. Not 100% anyways. I'm not saying you aren't hurting, and that there aren't parts of you that want it...I just think there's still parts that also don't want to.

I told my last T that I would never call because of this. I'd also never tell him if I was already 100% decided. He seemed concerned about this, but I mean what can he do. I told him, and tell my T now when it's been running through me again and it's been crossing my mind. But if I ever got to the point that I was 100% decided I'm doing it, it's too late,...it'd be like calling the police on myself and if I'm doing that how can I also say I'm 100% decided. I think in general if you're doing something to help yourself out of that situation there's still some part of you that doesn't want to kill yourself. Maybe there's no part of you that wants to be alive, but there's still some part that doesn't want to kill yourself too. Kind of what @mrsps was saying.

That's just my take on it. It would make more sense if they are for in the in-between periods, like when I'm in the period when I'm still willing to tell my T that's its crossed my mind recently. At which point I feel like I already have my T, so I wouldn't use it, but I realize some don't have T's at all and still other times people who do have T's just need help when there T can't give it. So that makes more sense.

 

[Smile]

Hey guys, still a resident of this world :) sorry I didn't check in sooner... Specific apologies to @Fadeaway ... I'm sorry you had to deal with that with your mom :(

Nah, I'm too considerate to leave people hanging like that. If I ever do it, you won't know :)

@anthony , I hear what your saying about hotlines but... Is the life saved really worth it? What I mean is, is the person happy they were "saved"? Perhaps a week or month later they are but what about 5 years down the line?

I feel as though the statistics don't go into too much depth in that area because, well, killing ones self is bad for society in general

 

[Smile]

"I don't want to live but I don't want to kill myself" This really rung true with me.

Exactly.

 

[anthony]

Is the life saved really worth it? What I mean is, is the person happy they were "saved"? Perhaps a week or month later they are but what about 5 years down the line?

It isn't the hotline that says a persons life, it is purely the discussion where the person chooses for themselves. Their happiness is theirs and nobody else's, but each person makes that decision, not the person on the other end of the phone.

Talking five years down the line is a cognitive bias, because you cannot predict your life that far away. There is a difference between having a five year plan to achieve certain things versus predicting whether or not you will be happy in five years time. The first is reasonable and only setting goals, which is healthy... the second is trying to predict, futuristic thinking, of which you introduce "what ifs" and more cognitive bias, which turns into a self-defeating and perpetuating cycle of misery.

Deal with the present, not the future, which is unknown. If a hotline helps you save your own life today, then that is because you wanted it saved. If you want to take it tomorrow, then you won't be ringing a hotline if you really want to die, you will just go do it. If you ring a hotline again, then you still want to live, you're just asking for some help to get your own head right and decision making secured. Nothing wrong with that.

 

[anthony]

A personal example... Me! I have severe PTSD which comes part and parcel with MDD, thus suicidal ideation is part of the whole package. It isn't anyone other than myself that decides for me, whether I live or die. It is me.

I look at suicide very simple nowadays. If I killed myself, what would the impact be on all those in my life? The answer is... there are some who will put themselves in their graves wondering whether they could have stopped me, changed my mind, or what they did that caused me to do that (self-blame). All the standard issues that are left with those you leave behind. My action would make their life absolute misery.

So I can ask myself, is that my intent for those who choose to love me? No, it is not. Therefore, another option exists, being that if I ever get to the point of absolutely wanting to die, then I put my hand up, get locked up for my own safety, and get help to get better in that present time.

Decisions are our own.