Coping Isnt A Cure.

[Deleted member 23044]

I don't believe in the phrase, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." In fact, it's not true, not even for a bone break. Just take biology, or even break one of your own bones and after it heals, break it again to find out just how easy it is to break it that second time.

Aside from that, the prolonged release of stress hormones compromise your immune system by pulling energy away from the immune system and the vital organs to put energy into your muscles(making you ready for fight or flight- a normal response to stress) which can lead to system malfunctions and disease. Essentially, your immune system and vital organs are not getting enough attention/energy/love which puts you at risk for things like auto-immune disorders... which the abused are often familiar with.

More than that, everything you think and feel manifests itself biologically. You are a body.

The phrase "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is a lie.

And many people will fight for it, why?

Because it's a comforting lie in the face of a hard truth. That's why.
Because people hate the truth when the truth hurts, that's why.

But I ain't gonna lie to you.
I am broken. The truth.
And guess what? It does hurt.
A lot.

While some may bend over quietly
after learning how to suffer silently
and take a good beating,
then call it "coping" and or
an experience which will make you stronger in the end...
(wtf? how does bending over and getting abused make ANYONE stronger in the end? All it can really do is make your bottom sore at best)
I refuse to do so.

I will NEVER EVER be thankful for the things that I have learned due to the unnecessary evils that I have been subjected to.

I will NEVER express appreciation for the deep, dark, self awakening journey that I have had to undergo due to EVIL that I have experienced.

I will never say that I am a better, stronger person because of this. Because I am not. Because the truth is I am very broken. Very broken and butthurt.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

There is no cure, that is something we should clear up right now. Coping isn't what you are aiming for. Managing your symptoms so you can live a life is what you are aiming for. It is possible. Believe me, I'm doing. People do it. It's hard but while I wish I didn't have PTSD I'm grateful for some of the things I've learned.

You can't take it back so frankly, you must learn to live with it. Literally.

 

[Deleted member 23044]

Coping is what you are selling.
Managing your symptoms = coping/enduring the ongoing abuse.

Btw, just because it ended with you... it doesn't mean it hasn't ended for many, many others.
There will be more, too, after you. And we'll all be here "coping" and "healing" and spewing a whole bunch of bullshit about how we're living a good life despite all the evil and how we're THANKFUL OF THE EVIL- while the evil secretly claps at our positive attitudes and tells itself, "see? it's not so bad."

 

[ms spock]

It is great @robotdaily that you are expressing what you are feeling. I understand what you are talking about.

Have you learnt any self care?

Have you learnt any grounding techniques yet?

Have you learnt how to do breathing yet?

Do you have a psychologist or psychiatrist?

Hang tight with the forum and read a lot and practice looking after yourself.

 

[ms spock]

.
Managing your symptoms = coping/enduring the ongoing abuse.

Ah no - if you are enduring ongoing abuse you need to get yourself to a police station to get whatever abuse you are living with today to stop.

Coping is very, very, very different from enduring ongoing abuse.

 

[Deleted member 23044]

Thank you @Ms Spock for responding. I do remember you. How are you? I hope you are well.

As for me, I filed a police report on a man 5 yrs ago.

That man was a middle school teacher and had an inappropriate sexual relationship with me when I was 13.

In fact, I was targeted by a group, but that's a whole other story involving far more organized crime than is comfortable for most people to accept. But as for the man, there was a small police investigation 5 yrs ago. Nothing came of it. Statute of limitations stuff, which I was prepared for and knew about. But NOW I am being stalked by that man, and maybe others. He's involved with the church now, the CATHOLIC ONE. ISNT THAT FUNNY. And though I have gotten help through an organization(therapy and legal advocacy help- so don't tell me what I should or shouldn't do unless you are a lawyer in my state- which you are most likely not, so shut it and thank you very much :)... NO. I'M BROKEN AS f*ck. I am not better.

This is the worlds fault as much as it is the perverts fault.

Everyone wants to turn a blind eye to it. And I hate everyone for doing it.

There is no justice. I understand public shootings and the crazies now more than is comfortable for me to know. I wish I didn't know. But as I said, I ain't gonna lie or deny it any longer. Everything.is.f*cked.up.

And everyone gets to fiddle around and turn a blind eye to it while I see pedophiles everywhere I go. And I just gotta TAKE IT. I JUST GOTTA LIVE WITH IT. YEA f*ckERS! I KNOW! Tyvm for asking.

But I will say this. I just very well may release the full name and story EVERYWHERE I POSSIBLY CAN with names in the middle school and everything. Because I know there's at least one pervert that may still be in that middle school. I hate you all. Not you tho, Spock. Ty for tuning in.

 

[ms spock]

Hello @robotdaily - I am good thanks for asking.

My goodness what you lived through at 13 is beyond words. I am so sorry that you lived through that and the rest.

And it is the world's fault as much as the offender's fault - because people do choose to turn a blind eye - I lived through that in my own family, school and church, so I totally get what you are saying there.

It is hard to be reliving all that stuff. After reliving things for about 30 years I have stopped for a few hours and a few days here and there - it is like I am living on a different planet.

I understand your anger and your fury. I would suggest not releasing anyone's name until you are in a safe place literally and metaphorically. I feel concerned for your safety @robotdaily.

I am not a lawyer in your state and I am so sad to read about the statute of limitations. That is highly unfair when you were so young when you are abused.

Yes there are systemic injustices, and I feel for you and your pain about them. I do understand that incandescent rage.

Please take care, thinking of you @robotdaily

 

[Deleted member 23044]

Everyone who suffers silently is part of the problem.

Why are people so afraid of such old, ugly, wrinkly perverts?
Sure they may have some money, but I definitely could beat some of them up.
So let em try to assault me. I won't bend over quietly this time.

 

[ms spock]

Strategic intervention is important @robotdaily - so we are there for the next generation - so they don't have such a lonely and desperate time of it as we did.

Self destruction is enacting our abusers torture on us - so it is important not to engage in self destruction. So waiting for a time when you are grounded and centred, able to really do good self care and manage your symptoms is important.

Just a few thoughts from the vulcan!

 

[Deleted member 23044]

So you get f*cked up by your abusers... then you think you've been put back together all nice and neat, so then you follow your abusers around with a brush and pan in hand, ready to clean up your abusers other messes? So your abusers never have to look at a mess? Good job cleaning up after them and making it so that no one is ever too uncomfortable.

But I will never help, and I will never be appreciative for this evil. I will never say, "It was a blessing in disguise." WHAT f*ckING IGNORANCE! Hand me a brush and pan and see what damage I could do with them- like breaking some old geezer pervert hips over it. YEAH. YOU WANNA BANG? COME'ERE. I'LL f*ck YOU OLD PERVERTS UP! LETS BANG HIPS, LITERALLY. I'LL CRACK YO HIPS. Yea.

I'm not property- and if you want to test that out, I'm down. I'm younger, stronger, and quicker.

 

[ms spock]

So you get f*cked up by your abusers... then you think you've been put back together all nice and neat, so then you follow your abusers around with a brush and pan in hand, ready to clean up your abusers other messes? So your abusers never have to look at a mess? Good job cleaning up after them and making it so that no one is ever too uncomfortable.

I would be very careful of saying this to another abuse survivor. It is most insulting. (Unless you are meaning to insult me @robotdaily ). I have stood up and been the whistleblower and have actively educated people about ways to manage child rapists and been involved in a myriad of social justice issues to stop all types of abuse and exploitation for a over 30 years now. I have earned my stripes.

And my abusers were actively stopped from doing what they were doing because of what I did standing up and telling the truth.

And I have never thought I got put back together all nice and neat. I struggle on a daily basis - after 30 years I am finally get days where I don't struggle as much some days, but it certainly hasn't been an easy journey.

If you lash out at people and have a go at them due to your pain - that is not very fair or kind. I'd think about that type of behaviour and whether you want to engage in it for the long term.

What you lived through does not justify treating other people poorly. I am actually trying to be supportive towards you, but if you don't want that and you actually just want to fight with people, then that is your choice. But I won't be responding to your threads in future.

It is very hard when you are feeling such a deep and immense level of pain. I get that.

And we don't have to agree with each other - but we do have to be civil to each other.

 

[Kefira]

I would be very careful of saying this to another abuse survivor. It is most insulting.

Thank you for this clear statement @Ms Spock. It is up to each of us to take responsibility for our own emotional responses, however having some basic decorum does go a long way. I've been watching this thread over the past couple of days and I think this also says a lot:

What you lived through does not justify treating other people poorly. I am actually trying to be supportive towards you, but if you don't want that and you actually just want to fight with people, then that is your choice. But I won't be responding to your threads in future.

I cannot be the only one who watched the first exchange in this thread with @Ayesha being shut down over a rational perspective and made a conscious decision not to post.

Because the level of rage expressed here is understandable, but I think it could be worthwhile to try to determine what it is that you want @robotdaily and to consider whether it might be helpful to accept those who are trying to help you/understand you/show support.

My .02