I've twisted myself into a pretzel to adhere to everyone's suggestions of being able to meditate away all of my worries/issues/trauma.
You are most welcome
@VioletButterfly.
But that is not mindfulness - doing it to "fix" yourself - that is coming from a place of condemnation, judgementalness and criticalness. It sets you up to really get stuck in rumination in your mind. It sets you up to feel "wrong", and I don't' think that is helpful.
It is more helpful to do "mindfulness" from a place of non-judgementalness and compassion (hilarious that I am typing this to your really!!) That takes a bit of shifting in attitude - so at the beginning you have to have compassion that you have so much critical judgementalness and condemnation of yourself.
There is no meditating trauma away - anyone who suggests that to you, is
essentially inexperienced in the ways of trauma. Even
worries can't be meditated a way - for major depression you need CBT, DBT or medication or/and exercise or whatever combination that an experienced and well trained professional comes up in consultation with you.
The Mindful Way Through Depression states clearly (several times) that beginning mindfulness during a depressive episode is not helpful or advised.
Issues also can't be meditated away - and thinking that you can meditate your worries/issues/trauma away is to put an immense amount of pressure on yourself and your mindfulness practice. I have made this mistake and I am sure I will come back to making this mistake again - I don't judge myself so much for making these mistakes now.
I would suggest for someone living in such an hothouse and abusive and retraumatising situation as you would do 1 minute three times a day - and aim for a curious compassion or a gentle way with yourself.
I am only a real beginner with this stuff - so seek out those with knowledge and resilience and take what feeds you positively and focus on taking that in.