Friends don't put demands on us. Friends accept us as we are with no pressure. A relationship pretty much always has some sort of pressure to be MORE. At this point I see no benefit to having a partner and plan on being single for life because I can't handle the constant demands of a partner.
Bingo. Same here. Your question is like asking...why do we favor a finger, after slamming it in the door? If we use it for anything...the less pressure, the better. The more superficial the touch, the safer. Because we're in pain, that's why. And friends just keep things on a superficial....enabling us to avoid engaging emotionally...which is the finger we've gotten slammed in the door. It's not complicated, when you think about it, really.
The same with what has been termed "numbing"...one of the primary hallmarks of PTSD/those with histories of trauma. It seems fairly obvious why those who've been "adrenalyzed"...sensitized by trauma...would numb a faculty which is sensitive and injured.
In my opinion, this may be the most tragic component of it, by far...and the reason I've essentially resolved to do the same as
Link Removeddo without relationships...at least for the forseeable future. I've found, personally, that it's simply impossible to expect one's partner to not take it personally. They will, inevitably, and with only the best of intentions...say that they understand...and only want to help. But it's simply too much to expect of any human being, I believe...I mean...depending on the individual's symptoms...in my case, anyway, that is. Not to mention the fact that it's simply not fair, to the partner. Which has only resulted in re-traumatization/further trauma....for myself, in any case.
It's the height of irony...to sincerely attempt to connect with another, on a deep level...one of the elements most crucial to recovery from trauma...only to suffer further trauma, as a result. But such is our lot. No one said it was going to be easy, after all.
So...should I stay, or should I go, now? If only there were general, blanket platitudes/directions which we could issue, by way of advice.
But the fact that you've sought out this forum, and made the effort of seeking perspectives of other sufferers, speaks volumes regarding your own sincerity and dedication. I can only suggest that you do your absolute best to realize that what seem like "natural" emotional tendencies/reactions...are anything but, in trauma people....that no matter how much your gut tells you that ...it must be you...or some indication of his/her "real underlying feelings toward you"...etc....to detach from those instincts, and realize that when it comes to us...they simply don't apply. and then, to decide whether that is something you can live with.
Point being...that if you're attempting to get closer to someone, longterm...when it's not a situation you can live with, longterm...you're not actually doing them a favor, by stringing them along. At least, that's my personal two cents, from my experience. Not that I've experienced abandonment, all that often...or really at all, come to think of it...in past relationships...but what it looked like, for me, personally...was seeing how much pain I was putting my mate through...and that being so hopeless and miserable, for me, personally...that I then proceeded to aggressively self-destruct...just so they would leave, and I wouldn't be constantly faced with my failure to be able to return what could only considered the most basic expectations, in any relationship...because I couldn't bring myself to reject, outright, someone so devoted and who I loved so deeply. It took me quite a while to even realize that this was what I was doing.
Anyway, that's just me. We're all different, of course. Glad you've sought out insight into your sufferer's issues, he's fortunate to have someone who cares enough to do so.
