She isn't identifying specific parts - just assuming multiple EPs, which disturbs me more because according to my reading that is secondary dissociation and hence a diagnosis beyond simple PTSD.
Is your therapist concerned about all the specific diagnosis? Since you say "traumas" it is pretty likely more like complex trauma, or CPTSD, which is not an official diagnosis (not because trauma experts don't support it...just lots of other political and conceptual issues yet getting something like this in the books). Many therapists recognize this and, even though I have a PTSD diagnosis from years ago, I appreciate having a therapist who can work with me through the complex trauma lens. This accounts for all my stuff. I don't need 8 different diagnosis. I've never done the MID (would likely have some DDNOS and definitely somatization or whatever they call it now, or conversion symptoms) and came up with nothing on MMPI though I have some borderline and very avoidant traits.
These all fit within complex trauma. One label, one connecting concept, one way to clump it all together. And for all the symptoms, dissociative or otherwise, working very carefully with the body sensations and trauma (as my body is willing to work with it) is the treatment. It doesn't feel so complicated. It all fits together under complex trauma. It's also very validating, because even my seemingly disorganized parts were doing very smart things to survive when they had extremely limited or zero resources. The nature of trauma is that they are simply stuck "on" still, always protecting me from threat which usually is not there. The simplicity of understanding it from the perspective of complex trauma is very helpful (not sure if it's helpful to you or not, but many people here could recommend more sources if it's of any interest).
My therapist called my trauma "globalized high intensity complex trauma." (wtf). I think it's a Somatic Experiencing concept that includes early major medical trauma. Basically just "complex trauma". She's also encouraged me to be patient as some of my stuff is nearly intractable...but she's never said anything is impossible. So instead of feeling stomped on, it helps to finally see what "it" is...I've had a hard time connecting with others since....forever. So no hurry for me to recover. So, even if it means recognizing some of my patterns are very old, they are not indicative of me being fundamentally f*cked up. They are really logical in light of early traumas. It just feels very hopeful to have someone who understands it...and a process or path through some of it so I do feel like I have a little more control. Probably you have that in your therapist and she needs to either slow down or explain where she's coming from better (I went through that early on in my treatment...and some roadblocks along the way...we just have to get back on the same page from time to time).
Are you more disturbed by all the possible labels or just realizing and trying to accept this might be more than you imagined? The therapy should ideally help you even slowly process that. I've sometimes realized, "Whoa, I'm sort of more messed up than I realized!" but I'm actually functioning better...realizing sort of the depth of this stuff, but simultaneously being able to transform it. So I don't feel totally horrified.
Again - a disturbing idea, that still feels alien to me. Logically, if I'm accepting any of this then that is why I have no recollection of chunks of my traumas.
Do you recognize any of what your therapist is noticing besides the one possible "EP" you mentioned? Would it be helpful to tell her that you aren't following, feel overwhelmed, or need more time to process or understand? Maybe it's helpful for HER to map out these parts but you are not able to recognize what she seems to see. ??
Instead of "parts" or aspects you can label it all however you want...like modes, patterns, responses... I don't see my self-destructive part as a separate "part" really, but there is a certain kind of trigger that sends me to this place. And it hasn't been a place (or part) I've felt okay even working with in therapy...because it didn't seem appropriate to bring a knife to therapy. Took 3 years. Kaia, here on the forum, mentioned the idea of a crayon as a small weapon. Really, that worked in my case because it's more about the feelings connected to gripping something "weapon-like" and holding it close to protect myself. My right arm could do it. My left tried to stick it in my eye (therapist gently intervened on that). Sorry if I sound nuts, but I really feel a lot more whole at this point for being able to safely allow for this stuff. But we didn't map any of this out. We knew I had certain symptoms and patterns...and slowly I've been recognizing what triggers and feelings and body sensations go with certain patterns. The stubborn ones are very old. They are often connected to depersonalization and total withdrawal, so hard to work with....takes a long time of just feeling safe first.
Anyway, please talk to your therapist so you don't lose trust or get too scared or overwhelmed. Maybe she can keep more of it for her own conceptualizing or find a reasonable piece of it for you to work on....so it feels tangible.
Sorry that was like a chapter long. I'll back out because I get too verbal. But it's okay to not get hung up on terms and diagnosis and structures...understandably adds to overwhelm and confusion if you aren't feeling the experiential connection to it. If it feels right it will help your understanding, not muddy it. Might just be a matter of time and/or clarification.
