Ptsd Diagnosis As Enabling

[Casey_03]

This post might be a bit controversial, but bear with me. I think it is worth discussion. I have been examining my life pre-PTSD diagnosis and after, and am wondering if the diagnosis didn't enable me in some ways. Prior to the diagnosis, I engaged in reckless behavior and drank excessively -- both of which are clearly very bad and detrimental. The diagnosis helped me pinpoint why I was doing those things and I was able to regain some self-control after learning the reasons for such behaviors. But I also went through a period (after the diagnosis) in which I sort of molly-coddled myself, giving in to anxiety and hiding indoors for days at a time, avoiding any sort of social interaction. I justified these things by telling myself that it was what I needed and crucial to keep my psyche in tact. Now, I feel like I have found a healthy in-between, in which I don't give in to anxiety and instead I force myself to do things that make me nervous but also avoid excessive drinking and recklessness. I do feel like the diagnosis enabled me for a short while, and that if I hadn't accepted this new job, I might still be stuck in that phase. Has anyone else gone through this? Am i wrong for thinking that the diagnosis could be (and was for me) something of an enabler? it allowed me to tell myself I was weak and broken and different from everyone else ... but is that really a healthy way of looking at it? I don't think so. Perhaps this is just the normal trajectory of PTSD and we all have to find the healthy middleground for ourselves. I don't know. But I definitely think the diagnosis enabled me for a short period and drove me into a self-pitying state. Thoughts?

 

[Mallaky]

Well, getting an official diagnosis of PTSD can be quite the stirring experience.
I do not think enabling is the right choice of word in your context. I believe "justificating" would be more apt.

But I also went through a period (after the diagnosis) in which I sort of molly-coddled myself, giving in to anxiety and hiding indoors for days at a time, avoiding any sort of social interaction. I justified these things by telling myself that it was what I needed and crucial to keep my psyche in tact. Now, I feel like I have found a healthy in-between, in which I don't give in to anxiety and instead I force myself to do things that make me nervous but also avoid excessive drinking and recklessness. I do feel like the diagnosis enabled me for a short while, and that if I hadn't accepted this new job, I might still be stuck in that phase.

Can you be sure that it is not what you needed at the time of transition? The way you phrase it, it seems to be out of the question. I have a hard time believing that. You are better now, but you are also not freshly diagnosed as mentally ill anymore. You had time to settle in.
I feel, you could possibly be to hard on yourself.

 

[anonymous]

it allowed me to tell myself I was weak and broken and different from everyone else ... but is that really a healthy way of looking at it? I

Or possibly it allowed you to stop for a bit? Another way of looking at it could be that that was a stage you needed to go through, in order to get to the stage you're at now? Not saying that is the case for you, just that healing paths are rarely straight ones. If you hadn't got your diagnosis and allowed yourself to feel like you were wallowing in it for a bit, you might not have given yourself the kick you felt you needed to try and move in a different direction.

 

[Casey_03]

I don't know, I repeatedly justified things by saying, "It's okay, you have PTSD. You're different from other people." It was a way of avoiding things. i have the same anxiety now and desire to hide from the world but I don't give in to it -- and I actually feel better for not giving in to it. The only thing that changed was a conversation i had with a colleague, who also has PTSD but didn't believe in it as an actual condition. i disagree with him on that point, and definitely believe it is a condition, but now I am wondering if he is right in some ways -- if telling yourself 'It's okay to avoid life because I have PTSD" isn't actually detrimental. Also, I knew long before the official diagnosis that I had PTSD, but I feel like hearing it from someone else gave me carte blanche to wallow in self pity. I regret that self-pitying phase now, though yes, i realize maybe it was necessary in some way. Also, I realize that this is simply my own personal experience and that we all handle it differently, so I don't mean to minimize anyone else's suffering here. Just reflecting on my own PTSD trajectory and trying to get more insight.

 

[Mallaky]

Also, I realize that this is simply my own personal experience and that we all handle it differently, so I don't mean to minimize anyone else's suffering here.

Thank you for saying that.

I feel there are 2 approaches. The "tough love" one, and the "compassion and empathy" one. You seem to strive on "tough love". That is awsome.
It destroys me. I guess it has alot to do with where we are coming from. I find more strength through love, empathy and patience. The hippie approach.

 

[Pencil]

Yes, a diagnosis, and then getting informed has helped me enormously. Judith Herman stressed the importance of therapists educating clients about PTSD, but unfortunately this does not seem to happen often.

 

[greenleaf]

It is very difficult sometimes, I think, for all of us, to know how much to "push" ourselves vs. how much to not push. An alternative to "pushing" yourself into discomfort is working to feel safer. (I used the word WORK on purpose. You sound like you have worked hard, and paying attention to what you needed was indeed WORK.) This is a different approach, not based on minimizing or denying our problems, but trying to figure out what is triggering our "reptile brain" based problems and actually healing the problem. It is seriously difficult work!!! However much of many societies prefers to ignore our trauma so we get the message to minimize our problems.

A major problem I see: PTSD is scientifically shown to alter brain structures and chemistry in the brain not just at the "cognitive" level but at the deeper levels that we share with reptiles. These levels respond to threats to our existence and are not consciously controlled, but we can affect them and help them. So, we know it is a real disorder with real physical effects not directly controlled by the "will", whatever that is...

However... no one with PTSD typically gets a "brain scan" quantifying their problems. So we don't have an X-ray specific to our own broken leg, we just know that a bent leg generally means the bone is broken. If we sort of straighten it out, sometimes we think, well it looks straight now, I should be able to walk! Society expects me to walk, normal people walk! We try to walk, and ow!

Due to the lack of precise scientific measurements for individuals' issues, we have to use our own assessments (plus therapists' etc.) instead of a nice clear X-Ray! To make matters worse, a lot of us had traumatic environments where people told us, "broken legs are nothing, be glad the leg is still there! You should feel grateful!" Ugh.

This is part of why "validation" is so important for a lot of us; we do also work a lot to figure out how our leg is really doing too... it can be really difficult if we are dissociating at the same time...

Be good to yourself! You have a real issue, and you are working hard and deserve praise for it.

 

[lisa1979]

My partner was diagnosed in January...so far the diagnosis seems to have made things worse...he has had it for twenty years and is now so angry because it wasnt identified and diagnosed before. He feels he has lost out on a lot because his behaviour was put down purely to his 'selfish personality' and that his poor mum has been blaming herself for twenty years. I do hope its a normal phase for him to go to and once he is used to the diagnosis he can look more positively on life like you do...but right now, its pretty bad x

 

[Mallaky]

My partner was diagnosed in January...so far the diagnosis seems to have made things worse...he has had it for twenty years and is now so angry because it wasnt identified and diagnosed before. He feels he has lost out on a lot because his behaviour was put down purely to his 'selfish personality' and that his poor mum has been blaming herself for twenty years. I do hope its a normal phase for him to go to and once he is used to the diagnosis he can look more positively on life like you do...but right now, its pretty bad x

Remember, that getting the PTSD diagnosis is triggering, and forcing memories, all by itself. I think it is a normal phase. :)

 

[GWhizz]

I see where you're coming from. For me, it at least allowed me to see that I wasn't just 'going crazy' like I had felt beforehand. It helped me to understand myself and work with what I have to deal with. It's like any diagnosis - take diabetes for example - once you know you have it, you can then start treating and managing it. Not that anyone wants the diagnosis, it's just it's better to be informed and know that there are treatment options to manage symptoms.

 

[BlueOrange]

I worry about whether I'm doing the right thing when I stay home and try to rest instead of forcing myself to go to work. But I do find myself more able than before to do work without needing to be forced. And I'd never have learned how to survive without that 'being forced' crutch if I hadn't put it aside.

 

[moonbeam]

I don't think it's exclusive to PTSD. I think anyone diagnosed with a mental illness might go through this. Its really hard to be told that you and your brain aren't normal. Even if you already know it on some level having a diagnosis makes it sort of feel official.

I think the issue is really knowing the difference between things that are very difficult and bad for mental health. And the things that would be a stretch but are actually doable. I know I went through a period after the diagnosis when things I thought were difficult I wouldn't do because I wrote them off as too difficult. My boss had BPD and sometimes she will say she can't do things, but whenever nobody else is around to do it she will. She can get through it. It's just difficult. The issue is being able to tell. Which I think is something only the person can do.

I think the other factor is that after diagnosis I felt both more broken and also less. It gave me more fuel for self hatred (which has thankfully gone down) but it also gave me a reason and permission to try more self-care. Like a something is actually wrong with me, now I have permission to be nicer to myself and actually work on things.