Life Outside Of The Forum

[FlameTachiku]

I have a question for Anthony and I hope it is ok to ask here.

I know that I am not ok.

What is it like to recover from PTSD and do well? I mean, I can function (for now), hold a job, interact with patients and co-workers all day, have good family relationships, not so good with friendships-but ok.

But, I know I am not ok inside! I think all of us can relate to that but that may be a presumption. I am not sure.

What is it like to be doing well, inside? I mean for example, how does it change how you value life, interact with family, others? How do you feel about living? What is different? Life outside of the forum is great! But what does it mean?

I've never met or talked to a person who has moved significantly down the healing road. I mean victory's yes. Days of wellness yes. But, what is recovery like? How does it change you? What about life is experienced differently inside? Not what do people outside see and experience. What is healing like from the inside?

People generally see me as patient, gentle, strong, and peaceful, at least that is what Ive been told though the years. That is insane but I smile a lot. OMG none of that is what I know I am...broken, and in pain. Have you changed inside?

If you have what is it like, for you?

Tachiku

 

[Sparky]

Anthony,

Although I don't know you, I have much gratitude and respect for you for the great job you've done with this forum.

Knowing that you are doing well gives me hope. I am very happy for you. :clap:


Sparky

By the way I posted (at least attempted to post) this before but it disappeared.

 

[anthony]

Tachiku,

Healing and living again is really something that cannot be measured with a broad stick, but it changes from person to person. Inside I no longer have many of the issues, thoughts, symptoms as such. I am at peace with the pain if you like... in that I found resolution with it... I don't have to try and ignore thoughts and feelings any more.

Everyone endures PTSD differently, it measures and affects vastly with difference upon each person relative to their life experience, the trauma endured, their general makeup as a human being. I can go to a shopping centre and not have issue. I can talk with others... I choose not to talk with people at times because I just don't want to deal with societies shit, but I can if I choose. I can go to a concert with 100,000 people and not have meltdown or affect... achievements are something you must measure individually, never collectively.

You work... I don't. I am looking at being able to move back towards something that I like doing, ie. renovating houses. I couldn't work with people who piss me off. Yes, whilst I may put up with it, I would meltdown when home each night. My PTSD is pretty severe if allowed control, so I really do have to monitor my own interaction to stressors that life itself really is.

You have to measure your progress against yourself, your life, your negatives.... what you turn into positives, what you achieve that you once could but PTSD changed for you without consequence to you health or mental well-being... these will become your achievements. Every person is different, every PTSD is different. Some are severe, some are not, some experience one trauma, some experience many severe trauma's... some growup in poverty and a harsh environment, some do not... all these factors attribute to how PTSD affects any person and their recovery from it.

Go forward from your own experience and that progress becomes your recovery. I have a measurement point from before trauma, some just experience trauma their entire life, so they have no measurement of what should be normal for them. Because I do as mine is military related, I am quite close to what I used to be like before trauma... though I must still monitor my daily stressor intake or else I shutdown quite quickly from PTSD itself... though without the rest of the symptoms, just shutdown to rest without a choice in the matter basically.

Measure your progress.... when you no longer fear something, that is your progress. When you can now do something you have never done, or not been able to since trauma, that is your progress and recovery. It takes years... it takes a lot of pain and hard work, but every person can achieve recovery to live life without constant anxiety and fear, depression and such relative to their life and trauma.

 

[FlameTachiku]

Anthony,

Thank you, that is helpful. I went to your blog and listen to the video's. Those offer good information and advice, also. You would be good at other topics, like self esteem and PTSD, or more of your experience of healing. Books or articles or therapists have not offered much in that area. Well I sure appreciate your response and insights, very helpful.

Working is new to me. I have to in order to meet my son's needs. I was able to find something I love (grateful for a brain that works on automatic, wish I could dump the delexia--poor spelling-and more) and ways to do it while reducing stressor's significantly. I have much "Anxiety" about the need for this job ending at some point and having to attempt a more emotionally demanding stressful job. I dont think I would last. I do experience much stress wondering when the next attack will occur, and how to survive the consequence. I have an trial in September, OMG! Doom lurks, not the first time this attorney attacked my PTSD symptoms full blast. But maybe I am stronger because I have learned from you and others on this sight. Survival is possible...I mean you are surviving. The house thing sounds like a good idea. The fact that you want to take on a long term project, says so much about how well you are doing.

Tachiku,

 

[Cynthiatoo]

Tachiku,


You work... I don't. I am looking at being able to move back towards something that I like doing, ie. renovating houses. I couldn't work with people who piss me off.

Anthony, did you ever renovate a house? I cant work, havent done for two years and I am renovating an old house that we bought to live in. We got it really cheap and that is how I see myself contributing. I source materials cheaply and do lots of work while my husband brings in the money from his job. Its frustrating sometimes, but very satisfying and there is no politics and I meet great people who happily help me figure out the best way to do things and share bits and pieces scavenged from the dump or markets.

Did you go to a job where you have to work with people?

 

[anthony]

Yes, I renovated this house we live in over an 18 month period. I keep my brain active within my own known boundaries as daily as possible, without stressors being introduced.