Childhood Developmental Trauma Vs. Later Trauma

[shimmerz]

Just an observation I have had for a while. Not necessarily true but would like other's take on it if you have any thoughts.

I have noticed on the board and come to realize those people here who 'understand me'. My trauma was developmental. Most of the people who align with my questions have developmental trauma as well. For those who were not traumatized so young, I notice a different coping mechanism. I feel it is because they had a sense of SELF at one time. And they draw on that.

I feel as if those of us with developmental trauma suffer a unique set of issues. Many of us lean towards submission, struggle with making decisions, are grieving in a primal way, idk, I just notice a difference in how we 'relate' to others. And I think this is why I haven't been understood for so very long (although I didn't realize that).

There was a posting on the board a while back that went viral about there being 'groups' of people on here and that some felt excluded. I wonder sometimes if those who were traumatized throughout their developmental years simply cannot relate to those who were not. An example of this would be when those of us who were damaged very early in life talk about 'parts' and EP's and ANP's. This, imho would not be something that a later traumatized person could actually relate to. Doesn't mean it doesn't apply to others who were.

Not sure if this post makes sense and am not writing it to offend anyone, so please keep the intention in mind if you respond, but I really am wondering if those of you who were traumatized later in life scratch your heads at those of us who were and vice versa. I feel like many people scratched their head over me all through my life and wondering if this is a large reason why.

 

[Queen Boudica]

I think those of us with developmental trauma are going to struggle with anyone who had normallish development. I don't think anyone can understand unless you have been there, how much you are missing. Even I don't and I have it. I've just finished a unit in my Masters about child developmental psychology. I've learnt a lot, not enough. There is SO much that abusive childhood does to you, mentally, physically, even genetically. And most of us are EXTREME abuse. Mentally I think there is not enough understanding, of what this is about. I am struggling, with the isolation and loneliness and understanding that I really don't get other people and I really do exist in a way that is difficult for others to understand or relate, just as I can't understand them. It is almost like we are different species. I think there needs to be a lot more research on childhood trauma. I feel lost. That is what I feel. And others can't get that.

 

[shimmerz]

It is almost like we are different species.

^^^This. Yes.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I think the scientific data supports your opinion, i.e. C-PTSD regardless of the point that this dx is not in the DSM, providers of treatment and researchers feel strongly that victims of severe childhood trauma have unique difficulties due to it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes I really agree @shimmerz .

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I agree completely, though, I am not all up to date with jargon, so could you please define meaning of EP and ANP?

But I generally agree, I mostly lack a sense of self, and the main me, is the least defined one, and the one that can't understand itself as an existant being. Others wont understand it likely, because they havent ever experienced it, just like a person can hardly know what it's like to be the opposite gender, due to the sheer physical differences.

People who get traumatized later, have beforehand went through different hardships in life, and are more hardened when the trauma happens, and can deal with it more easily. While for the early trauma, the rule is similar to my opinion on why babies constantly cry:

Whenever something bad happens to a little baby, it's one of the worst things to ever happen to it up until then, due to the lack of a quantity of bad experiences that would make someone be able to grade it. Comes close also to the extreme optimistic approach: Someone stabs you, and you could thank them for all the times that they aren't stabbing you, and those times are better than the moment they are stabbing you, and thus, by going through pain, you could, if it didn't leave scars, invest in your future happiness, by making usual bad stuff seem less bad, as you went through much worse (that is, if it didn't leave scars, and ruin peoples lives, eh, post traumatic effects of trauma are awful).

I am not sure if this is understandable, but I tried my best.

 

[RussH]

I tend to agree with you. The ones who suffered trauma later in life has already had the opportunity to develop coping mechanisms and more importantly, a sense of self.

I also think that more people who suffer developmental trauma tend to suffer a more personal trauma: child molestation, emotional abuse etc, where people who suffer trauma later have a more impersonal kind: combat, auto accidents, near death situations (Yes I know there are also very personal trauma that happens later. rape and assault) so this is very generalized) So because the trauma is more of a personal kind, it affects us differently than someone who suffers an "impersonal" trauma.

When the abuse happens at a young age, in my case emotional abuse from bullying, affected my ability to develop a sense of self, and instead accepted what others said who I was which caused me to form a skewed view of who I am. I also had not developed positive coping mechanisms, as a result I internalized everything, and the result is this messed up person that I am today.

 

[Intrepid]

Makes sense. Oh, and I what do these mean?

EP's and ANP's

 

[shimmerz]

@Intrepid , and @Saelben , when I speak about parts I am referring to 'pieces' of oneself that usually integrate when the child is lead in a healthy way towards developing a sense of SELF. As we turn into adults it may become apparent that pieces of our selves are 'delayed'. We may have a hair trigger anger response, or not deal at all well with perceived abandonment issues.

ANP - Apparently Normal Person (the one who raises the kids, goes to work, school, washes the car, keeps the house clean)
EP - The one who is invested in a past regressive traumatic emotional state (flight, fight freeze, fawn behaviours)

The idea is that the ANP 'keeps it together' and that there are perhaps several EP's that relate specifically to certain triggers. I may have one EP who reacts to abandonment very strongly, another that feels that a raised voice means death, etc.

Does that help at all?

 

[ihateusernames]

I really don't get other people and I really do exist in a way that is difficult for others to understand or relate, just as I can't understand them. It is almost like we are different species.

I mostly lack a sense of self, and the main me, is the least defined one

I relate so much to these things. I've spent most of my life vacillating between feeling like an alien and feeling like everybody else is.

I don't know if I'd say it's easier for folks who had a normal, happy childhood. It seems to me that they would have more of a world to destroy. Kind of like their world was destroyed, ours was never built. (And I don't like saying that because it discounts what we have successfully built, but it's true to a degree.) Either way, there is something to be said about the differences between developmental and later trauma, as well as what @RussH is talking about personal v. impersonal.

 

[Lucycat]

While for the early trauma, the rule is similar to my opinion on why babies constantly cry:

and the baby who never gets an answer to his cry just gives up. The baby that never cries is the one to worry about.

I agree with this thread. I knew that I was abused from aged 7years on, but my T was somewhat confused by my 'presentation'. He later established that I was emotionally neglected long before the abuse started and that, possibly is why it was enabled to happen. I have no attachment to my mother, so my father could use me to please himself...

I think being able to understand this has helped me enormously. When I 'go off on one' I know that my EP has come out to play, and I have to endeavour to get the ANP back in executive control. Sometimes that is very hard to achieve even when I know it needs to happen.

I have struggled to get my husband to understand this and he is pretty open minded. I have never tried explaining it to anybody else as I really don't think they would understand at all. It would make interesting research - explaining a physical health complaint to a random stranger and testing their reaction, then trying to explain developmental trauma! I am guessing most people would focus on the immediate effects on the child and ignore the longterm consequences to the adult.

 

[sun seeker]

I really am wondering if those of you who were traumatized later in life scratch your heads at those of us who were and vice versa

I don't scratch my head over the difference, because I think I can understand it, but yes, I definitely see a difference.

For those who were not traumatized so young, I notice a different coping mechanism.

Yes. There is a time before the trauma to draw on, and as you say, a sense of self. I wonder, now I say this, whether a monumental but single-time trauma might change that person's sense of self, and I'd be interested in people's experience of this. But there will have been a solid sense of self from before the trauma.

A person with developmental trauma, on the other hand, has a different set of tasks. You know the story of Baba Yaga where the young girl is given the task of sorting huge piles of one thing from another, so minute and detailed that it seems almost impossible? Poppy seeds from a mound of dirt was one of them. This is something like what those of us with developmental trauma have to do as we work at sorting out who we are from who the trauma made us believe we were. Not impossible, but extremely painstaking.